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Feeling empty and hurt by step daughter

(6 Posts)
EmilyD Wed 14-Oct-09 17:42:04

My step daughter is nearly 13. I have been with her dad for over 2 years now and my son from previous marriage lives with us. Step daughter lives with us half the time.

She can be a complete cow and I dread now when she comes to stay. She asked me to be a facebook friend and nagged me to accept. When i did I wish I hadn't as she had answered a questionnaire which asked if she had any siblings and she said "no, one step brother but he doesnt count" Last night she said she thought it wasn't so bad because at least she could blame him for everything which I told her was not nice.

She really seems to have it in for my son and he just worships her. I don't want my son to be affected by her, he's had enough in his life already with my ex leaving us.

Is this just normal teenage nastiness and trying to be cool in front of friends ? Finding it hard to keep smiling at the moment and its getting to me a bit.

Any advice would be gratefully received.

sarasusie123 Wed 14-Oct-09 17:59:36

She sounds like a perfectly normal 13 year old!!Older sisters are always nasty to their brothers step or otherwise, try not to worry she'll grow out of it in about 5 years. I was about 13 when I told my brother and anyone who would listen that he wasn't wanted and was only alive because mum got drunk and mum and dad were really annoyed because no body would adopt him. All lies. I also spent a vast majority of my time thinking of ways to make his life as crap as possible. I also picked on my two step brothers and told them their dad liked me better than them and thats why he lived with us. Siblings don't always get on birth or step its normal. My brother and I are now really close and I would be lost without him. My step brothers are now two of my closest friends. Don't worry she's just being an evil 13 year old.

saintmaybe Wed 14-Oct-09 18:02:04

Normal. if you don't let them work it out now there's little hope for their relationship as adults.

EmilyD Wed 14-Oct-09 18:02:32

thank goodness :-) it's so hard to bite my tongue. She tries our patience so much at the moment and is incredibly selfish. I've obviously forgotten what it is to be a teenager.

colditz Wed 14-Oct-09 18:02:44

SHe's perfectly normal for her age. Chill. Pick her up on the teenaged nastiness. Don't angst over it, you're a grown up.

Surfermum Wed 14-Oct-09 19:36:06

My lovely dsd knows exactly what buttons to press. She can say some really hurtful things, but she has also admitted that she doesn't really feel the way she's saying, she just says them for maximum impact or just because she's angry and doesn't know what else to do.

She even admits that she hates it even more now that I don't bite and stay calm!

I think you're all fairly new in your family set-up, so all she might be saying is that she doesn't yet feel like he's proper family IYSWIM. It does take time to build up bonds when there's no biological link I think.

The other thing is, your son is living full-time with her Dad and that must be hard for her, especially if she was used to one to one time with him before you came along.

I think it's early days, maybe cut her a bit of slack?

What's her mum like? How does she feel about you and your son and your dsd's relationship with you. I just wondered if she was one who was of the "they're nothing to do with you" school and whether that had an influence.

Don't worry though, it all sounds par for the course and whatever you do don't start taking it personally smile.

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