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Dss suddenly 'on holiday' during contact time

(10 Posts)
mmrred Fri 28-Aug-09 14:54:56

Just wondered what people's reactions are to this - my DH has a contact order to see his DS. It's very defined due to problems with X witholding contact etc, and it took 5 years in the court system to get it into place.

We have 3 w/ends out of 4 plus an evening contact per week. But when DH went to pick up his DS this week nobody was home. Finally we get a text saying they're on holiday and won't be back until Sunday (also supposed to be our weekend)

Apart from how very unfair this is on the child, who likes to know exactly how many sleeps there are until he sees Daddy next and was dropped off last week (in front of X) with the words 'see you next week', it completely beggars our w/end plans as we're supposed to be going to spend the w/end with my brother as it's my neice's birthday party. If we still go, we can't pick up DSS, if we don't, our 2 DC's miss out.

I wouldn't mind if it was a family holiday, (well, I'd still object to not being told about it,) but DSS knew nothing about a holiday last week, and they've already been away in the first 2 weeks of the holiday.

ChocHobNob Fri 28-Aug-09 15:31:58

As much as it's horrible, is it a case of having to contact the solicitors again. She's withholding contact again. She should have either a) told your partner in advance about the holiday to organise alterative contact or b) not booked the holiday over your partner's contact time.

How long have the current contact arrangements been in place and are they normally adhered to?

2rebecca Fri 28-Aug-09 15:50:56

That's her deliberately breaching contact arrangements. She should have discussed the holiday with your husband, after all if he has 3/4 weekends then it's reasonable for the mum to need a weekend either side of the holiday as most holidays include the weekend either side. She should have discussed this and if your husband is reasonable he should have agreed to it. I wouldn't go to courts but if I was the husband would talk to her saying he understands the reason for needing a weekend either side of a holiday but it should have been agreed with him first to check it was convenient and he had nothing planned.

Surfermum Fri 28-Aug-09 17:40:41

It's completely unacceptable. Is it the first time it's happened?

mmrred Fri 28-Aug-09 18:13:35

She used to breach contact all the time, but things have been much more settled for about 18 months, since the last hearing when the current contact arrangements were ordered.

Giving up a weekend or two so they can have a proper holiday is no problem, and we told her the dates of our hols months ago, in the hope that she would reciprocate. I'm not convinced they are on holiday, TBH, as DSS would have mentioned it and they went away in the first 2 weeks of the hols.

Maybe she got the chance of a few days away with friends or something - she's a single mum on benefits with two kids, so maybe it was just too good an opportunity to pass up...but I'll be very annoyed if DSS hasn't been away.

There's no way we are going back to court. We can't afford it and they won't do anything about one breached contact. But perhaps a polite letter along the lines that 2 Rebecca suggests.

It's just so thoughtless - DSS is already insecure and clingy with Dad.

Luckily I've managed to arrange for my Mum to take our two DC's to the party so at least they don't miss out again.

Surfermum Fri 28-Aug-09 18:20:34

Maybe she has had the opportunity to go somewhere, but she should run it by you first. I wonder how she'd like it if things were reversed?

I think the best way to approach it is to completely under-react. If she's done it to provoke a response don't give her one. Make a note of it, a polite letter is a good idea and then move on. There will be nothing to be gained by making a huge song and dance about it.

It's bloody annoying though isn't it grin. And I don't think I'd let it change my plans.

ChocHobNob Fri 28-Aug-09 18:55:11

I can't imagine how upsetting it must have been for your partner to turn up and no-one answer the door. That is just plain nasty of his ex.

Hope the letter works and she doesn't try something like that again. x

mrsjammi Fri 28-Aug-09 18:59:52

Message withdrawn

mmrred Fri 28-Aug-09 19:26:15

It was certainly very upsetting the first couple of times, particularly as we don't have a phone number for her, but sadly you get used to it. There's still that feeling, though, the 'what-ifs'.

If we don't change the plans, and go to my brother's, we can't pick DSS up on the Sunday morning. (Bruv lives a fair distance away)

I love the under-reacting thing, though - it will drive her mad.

Also what she doesn't realise is now DH and I have a free Saturday night (as Mum is taking our two to my brother's)so as a direct result of her thoughtlessness/pettiness/nastiness we get a loved up night of child-free passion!

KaPe Fri 28-Aug-09 21:25:18

Another baby??? grin

Now that would well and truly p*ss her off!

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