Thanks for all your comments. I do read that alot of step parents just become detached however my wife the boys step mum does not want to become detached she wants to bond with them.My wife is staying at her mums for a few days to de stress and chill,plus whilst she has been looking after the boys (one a week)she has been unable to visit her elderly mother as often as she would wish to,as the distance is about 40 miles.She also works on weekends and looks after our daughters friend twice a week. I am really upset with my boys as my wife does not deserve this treatment.I have told them it has to stop all the bad mouthing,that does go on at there mothers house,i know that my ex does the same as she not only bad mouths me and my wife but bad mouths her own sons to each son,crticizes her own partner behind his back and even her mother. My wife and i have never bad mouthed anyone in front of the boys.if we are unhappy with someone we just talk about it to ourselves. i have told the boys how i feel and am not going to see them this weekend and my 16 year old will not be staying next week.In total i will not be seeing them for10 days. Hopefully they will realise how upset i am with their behaviour and will realise what my wife and i do for them.i might add the boys do not get on that well together at their mothers. Plus my wife and daughter and i need some time together on our own as we are tired of this situation. Any advice on how to move on,how we can stop the bad mouthing,and how can we all bond.