Step mum issues

[EmilyD]

I moved in to my partners house, he has a 12 year old daughter who comes to stay twice a week and every other weekend. I have a 6 year old son who lives with us and goes to visit his dad every other weekend as quite a distance away. he seems pretty much to be really happy but his happiness and liveliness seems to annoy the hell out of the daughter.

I am finding the differences in what i feel is right and wrong and what my partner does quite difficult at times.

I find my step daughter quite disrespectful, mainly towards my partner who i think she still has a lot of anger towards. She rarely says pleases and thank yous, expects to do whatever she wants to do and uses my things without asking. She also spends a lot of time "growling" at my son and can get quite short with him. I understand that she is an only child and probably resents my son for her dad's attention but it appears she doesn't want his attention either!

She is incredibly lazy, room's a mess, never does the chore she is meant to do and I seem to spend all my time clearing up mess. She also expects us to entertain her, never comes up with suggestions, refuses to join any after school clubs so is always bored.

She seems only to be nice when she wants something as well. On the plus side she and my son are both doing excellently at school.

Perhaps this is just a teenage thing but boy I'm finding it hard to like her at times.

I am trying hard and bite my tongue a lot.

Any advice would be most welcome, i suspect my issues are nothing in comparison to others.

[mumblechum]

Can you arrange contact so that at least at the weekends you only have one or the other, thereby giving her a bit of one to one with her dad?

[EmilyD]

She does have this sometimes, last weekend for example, I was away as well as my son and she had a day with him but she decided she wanted to do something with her friend instead.

It is about half and half that we have kids together on a weekend. I kind of think its important to have a weekend with both the kids together at times to help try and create a blended step family.

Also it is really important to us that we have a weekend on our own without kids to spend some quality time together and recharge our batteries.! Maybe selfish of me but i think we're entitled to some time as well.