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HELP - should i tell DH his son has been smoking 20 fags a day since aged 12!!

(6 Posts)
Muller Sat 21-May-05 21:30:13

My DH has two sons, one aged 12 and one aged 15. When we took them out last weekend, the younger one piped up when his dad wasnt around "did you know adam is eyeing up your fags", with that i looked at Adam, and he grinned sheepishly and admitted he would love a puff! Horrified, i asked how long he had been smoking and he replied since he was 12. Thing is, my DH is SO against smoking. He is bad enough when i light up, and i am only a once a week smoker. If i tell him his son smokes he will hit the roof. Worst thing is, SS told me that BM gives him ciggarettes!! Feel i am in a no win situation, as if i tell him, he will rant and rave forever, and probably cause a serious rift, on the other hand if i dont tell him i dont want to condone his sons behaviour and now the boys probably think i am in cahoots with them. Not to mention the serious health issues..... help - any suggestions??

Frizbe Sat 21-May-05 22:11:50

Oh bugger, what a horrible situation to be in.....you have my sympathies, I'm sure it'll happen to me in a few years too....dh will be really angry if he finds out you know and don't tell him, after all this is his 1st born we're talking about.....what is dh's relationship with BM, is it amicable? just wondering in case ss's we're also setting her up a bit here, with saying she gives them fags......oh I don't know....if it were me I'd tell them to tell dh, and set a time limit on them telling him, and then tell him myself, just becuase I'd have to live with him in the long run and when we got married we swore to be truthful etc....you know?

pixiefish Sat 21-May-05 22:13:16

tell your dh. if he finds out that you knew and didn't tell him then that'll me awful

Alannah Sun 22-May-05 11:18:01

I think you must tell your dh and that you should explain to your ss that your loyalty has to lie with your dh. I have been in similiar situations in the past, my 16 yr old ss, confides in me because I'm younger than his dad but he knows now that any 'sensitive' ie dangerous info will be passed on, so he censors what he tells me accordingly and that suits all of us

aloha Sun 22-May-05 11:20:46

20 a day? When? When he's at school?
And he doesn't smell of cigarettes?
Hmmm.

Muller Tue 24-May-05 19:26:35

Ok mind made up, am gonna tell his dad, it is after all his long term health at stake, and if the sh*t hits the fan at least i have done what i can to not allow him to continue. 20 a day does sound a lot doesnt it! He was probably exaggerating a bit, hope so anyway!!

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