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don't actually know..........just want a whinge really

(7 Posts)
Mamazon Sat 18-Jul-09 14:09:57

I am totally loved up with Dp. i have 2 children and so does he. all our children are similar ages so i thought it'd all work out perfectly, the children would all play together and it'd be easy.
he see's his kids every tuesday, every other wednesday and every other weekend.

my ex has/had mine every other weekend.

we managed to work it out so we'd both have the children on the same weekend and have a weekend just us.

if he doesn't have the children he is at mine.

here's the problem. except i don't knwo what it is, whether its me being neurotic and wierd or if its him or the kids or what.

basically the children live about an hour away. during the week he has to go back to his to have them as obviously it wouldn't be fair to bring them to mine as they have school.
but he doesn't bring them down at the weekends either. I have only ever met them twice and we've been together 8 months.

now initially it was probably my fault. i got a bit freaked out by the prospect of being step mum. but now even when i hint at him bringing them down or that we all go and do something together there is some reason why he can't. they have some club/party to attend.

Part of me is worrying that maybe they just dont like me? that he doesn't want me around his kids? he doesn't want my children around his (i'd kinda understand that as DS is autistic so a bit of a handfull)

Now whilst im about 99.9% certain that its not any of those things and that it is actually just because they are busey i can't help but get a bit argh about it.

tell me im being a noboid or do you think maybe there is more behind it than just my imagination?

BitOfFun Sat 18-Jul-09 14:44:26

I wonder if he thinks it will all be a bit of a handful and make it harder for you to talk to each other or something? It can be quite stressy, and I don't think you can take things too slowly really. He might even feel a bit embarrassed if his kids are cheeky to him or rude or something, and doesn't want to look daft in front of you...who knows?

What has he said when you've asked him?

Maybe you could plan a half day activity or something where they could all play but not have to interact too much if they don't want to? I think kids can be awkward and shy round each other if they sense they are expected to get along.

Whatever happens, it will all work out in the end, I'm sure, it just takes time I guess.

Mamazon Sat 18-Jul-09 15:06:55

both times we've gone out with all four children its been to an actual activity iyswim.
don't get me wrong i dont think im ready for hom to have them here every time but i would like for them to get to know me the way my children do him.

as for them being rude i think its the other way round. his two are very well behaved and mine are hooligans.
if anything their perfectness is a little daunting for me!

I guess i just hate the fact that theres a pretty major part of his life that im not a part of. He has met my parents, all my friends, i sign cards from us both, he even came to Dc's school meeting.
not because im rushing to play happy families, i rushed in with x and look where that got me. i want to take things slowly (well sort of)

I dunno. its just a niggly niggle that i can't quite explain.
But it is only a tiny little thing and i am blissfully happy otherwise.

yeah i know, im almost boaking myself at posting it.

BitOfFun Sat 18-Jul-09 15:10:21

I'll let you off grin

Just try not to worry, and maybe bring it up next time you're having one of those conversations? Not in a heavy way or anything. It'll all come out in the wash, as they say smile

ElenorRigby Sat 18-Jul-09 15:47:21

I only met my DSD for the first time after 5 months.
It may be he's very protective of the children and wants things to progress slowly.
Is his ex OK, I mean could she be holding things up, thats not uncommon.

Mamazon Sat 18-Jul-09 15:51:24

i think she's ok with it all. she had an affair that lead to the breakdown of the marriage, i think she feels so guilty about it that she is very amicable about everything.
or at least that how it all comes across.
she told him to invite me to his son's birthday party, i didn't think i would have been too comfortable so didn't go.

i know im being a big girl.

ElenorRigby Sat 18-Jul-09 16:15:51

I dont think your being a big girl, I didnt go to DSD bday parties until the second year we went out.
Maybe he's just being protective then, my DP took things slowly as well. He wanted to be confident that we were going somewhere together first. Just go with the flow and thank your lucky stars the ex seems ok! wink

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