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Stepmother RANT ALERT

(7 Posts)
Frizbe Thu 12-May-05 19:27:59

Bloomin SS is not getting his own way at BM's, (has been told off for being horrible to an older person, underlying reasons could be bullying so difficult situation, but she's done right in stopping him duplicating the action) so he has lobbed in that he doesn't want to come to us this weekend, due to fact we have a 'pasta jar'! whoopie do, so he doesn't want to come to us, because we're making sure he earns money for good manners, and looses it for bad.....unlike if he stays at BM's he can get what he wants, although also sometimes told off....grrrrr, WHAT?
Kids eh, and now poor old dh is now really upset and feeling helpless re the poss bullying thing......
My thoughts are tell him his parents have an arrangement and that he's coming down anyway.....
Rant over for now! thanks for listening.

squirrel3 Thu 12-May-05 19:56:22

Rant?!? Thats not a rant (look at some of mine)! lol

Hope you feel better, I would try to get DH to talk to SS about bullying/visiting to really find out what is going on. I'm sure the problem can be 'sorted', it sounds like your SS needs to talk about 'underlying issues' and it can only help in the long run.

Hope this makes sense (to much Vino, yes I know its only 7.55, but what the 'hey' I've had a crap day too)

P.s. What's a pasta jar? [dim emoticon]

beansprout Thu 12-May-05 20:00:52

I think your thoughts are good. Not sure how old your ss is but I think it is good to keep a clear arrangement. If ss decides where he want to be and when, he then has all the power which is not good for children. For starters it is not fair on them, and they can start to feel insecure if adults are saying "ok, don't come to us then".

Do feel for you though. Good luck!

Caligula Thu 12-May-05 20:03:57

I agree your first instincts are the right ones. He can't be allowed to divide and rule. That way lies madness!

Frizbe Fri 13-May-05 17:05:14

Thanks ladies, well he's here and all is well at the mo, tho no doubt we shall get to the route of the bother over the weekend!

Squirrel a Pasta jar is used in the same way as a star chart. You get an empty jar and when said small person is polite or does something good they get a piece of pasta, which they can exchange at the end of the week for money/treats thus pasta = cash! however if they are rude, impolite or surley etc then they loose a piece everytime, thus its in everyones interest to remain happy at all times = money/treats.

squirrel3 Fri 13-May-05 18:04:13

Frizbe, what an excellent idea, wish I'd thought of that when my children were younger. Hope you get to the bottom of the problems SS is having and find a solution.

Have a lovely weekend.

LooptheLoop Fri 13-May-05 21:23:10

Frizbe - fingers crossed that the rest of your weekend goes well! We did something similar to your pasta jar a while ago and it worked really well. But heyho BM tried to undermine it! Share your frustration there - our BM lets the skids run wild and then goes off on one when they irritate her, yelling and screaming. I do feel for them as they have completely different sets of rules at the two houses - but at least we are consistent. And I guess that is all you can do...

Squirrel - hope the vino is going down well. Despite being on an alleged diet, I'm on my third glass with a nice piece of chocolate to help it go down!

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