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Help!!!!!!

(4 Posts)
Sagz Thu 11-Jun-09 17:40:41

Right a brief discription to a very long drawn out problem. Well I will try!
I moved in with my partner 4 yrs ago, he has 4 kids but at the time they didn't live with us. In time the kids mother handed them over with alsorts of excuses but she chose her boyfriend, she also threatened my partner and the main threat was ''How do u know that any of the kids are urs?'' There is one child that clearly was shown and proven they were favourite, thats the only daughter whom is now 14, When the last child who was 4 at the time was handed over, all contact stopped.shock
I am a mum and their mum is a terrible person whom mistreated the kids. We took her to court to arrange regular contact with the kids (at THEIR request). She told the welfare officers that she didnt want to see them angry
That was in 2007, the judge awarded full residency and prohibited the mother from seeing/contacting them until she proves she wants to see all 4 kids to the court.
All kids were informed of all of this.
We have have a difficult time with the daughter over the 3 yrs she has been with us. She doesn't gel with the rest of the family and even though she has her issues with what her mother has done, her loyalty still lyes with her mum.
Recently she ran away, straight to her mums family. Police were involved and her mum was warned to stay away because of the court order. We found out she did the opposite and took her out, she gave her a large amount of money and all her contact details (the details we took her to court for to try and get which she refused to hand over). She told the daughter to not tell anyone of their contact nor future contact. We claerly found out But now the daughter is making our lives a misery and wants to go live with her mum. Dad has had to accept this and has sorted a solicitor. But now she is being very calculating, abuseing us, threatening to run away if she doesn't get what she wants.
We have booked her in with a counceller as we feel she is abit messed up.
The daughter has always stolen from us, slagged us off to her mum (when in contact), relayed all our personal info to her mum. And as u can imagine dad is finding it very hard to cope. But as step mum, no one is seeing how hard for me it is, I'm trying to keep home as normal as poss but its hard as even tho I am very close to the other 3, they still take advantage because I'm limited in how I disapline them. My 2 kids visit fortnightly too, they have had a very different up bringing and the atmosphere is so thick here.
I'm so sorry for waffling on and even still there are crucial points I haven't made but I feel like dying.
DNA test have also been done and we are awaiting the results, the older 2 kids know but the younger 2 have been told a white lie, dad has Crones u see so we have told them it is to help find out if they may have a chance of it too as an adult.

Dad is beakin down too, I have to be strong for him but I need somethin too.

islandlassie Fri 12-Jun-09 09:38:02

Wow, how difficult.

You are just going to have to be strong I'm afraid i don't see what you can do.

I'm so sorry to hear how hard you are finding it all. Try to be positive You are doing the best you can for the kids and if she leaves home when she is old enough, still in the same mind then at least you know you have done the best you can. She may not see how her mother is till well into her adulthood but at least you can hold your head high knowing you have done the right thing. You sound like you are very open with the children which i think is important as they need to know that she is struggling with her past cos it must have been quite traumatic for ALL the children, and that the rejection the others have had is not their fault and their sisters rejection is how she is coping with things and again not their fault.

I hope you can find the strength somewhere. This may sound terrible but if you haev to count down the days till the kids are old enough to be responsible for themselves to cope then tht is what you have to do and i'm sure no one would blame you.

My thoughts are with you sagz

sunshine13 Fri 12-Jun-09 15:30:17

Without being a mother myself, i can only speak as I find.

Sounds like some unity needs to be established here. I understand that with you being a step mum it's difficult to know where to draw the line with his kids.

OH & I talked about this (as I felt like I am very limited) and we agreed that when little one is with us we would "parent" him together. Your OH and you need to be united on this front, I think.

AS for his daughter, I think she will always have an alliance to her mum. You dont say how old she is. She probably doesnt comprehend what's going on and the fact that someone has forbid a mother to see her own kids, must be hard to swallow for her- even if the reasons seen just.

If you can, take a break and have some YOU time. You need your strength.

Fruitysunshine Tue 07-Jul-09 20:42:12

Sagz, how are things going?

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