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someone give me the answers!!!

(6 Posts)
superbaby Tue 10-May-05 20:53:17

Hi

I gave up work to be a fulltime stepmum to my fiance's children (5 & 3)five months ago and so far it is working out really well. As my partner and i are getting married later this year, we felt it would help us all to bond and aid us in becoming a family. Their mum ran off with another chappy two years ago and sees them every other weekend. "Uninterested " would be an understatement to describe her attitude toward her lovely children. However, everything i read/hear advises against trying to be a "mother" to stepchildren, but as the fulltime carer of my two, while i havent set out to do this, it seems to be becoming the case. My partner and his family are quite anxious that the kids do see me as a mother figure but im not so sure.
somebody give me the answers dammit!!!

SadSam Wed 11-May-05 08:05:01

Hi Superbaby. In my honest opinion I think it would be wrong to try and be a "replacement mummy". Your skids need to know that their mum is still their mum even if she is "disinterested". From experience that I have seen/read, skids may learn to resent their stepmum if they try too hard to be a mother, as they may think their real mum is being forgotten/replaced. However, your skids are still very young and I think it is wonderful that you have given up work to look after them full time. I think you just have to take one day at a time and see how the skids react. If they say that they want you to be their mummy then great, but even then I think it is important that they still have regular contact with their BM and know who she is. Also if BM learns that you are trying to replace her, she may suddenly stop being disinterested and suddenly want to play mum again. This could p**s her off and she may try and turn skids against you! Once again I think what you have done is wonderful and I hope your DP and skids realise how lucky they are to have you.

superbaby Wed 11-May-05 09:23:32

Hi Sam, just wanted to say thanks so much for taking the time to answer my post, esp as you seem to be having such a crappy time of it at the mo. it really helps to know that there are other people out there who understand! you're a star, hang in there honey.

SadSam Wed 11-May-05 11:24:55

You are very welcome Superbaby, anytime! It really does help to talk on this site, it has helped me no end, I think I would have gone doolally by now! Good luck, I hope everything goes well for you, keep us posted x

haven Fri 13-May-05 04:57:25

from a grown up that came from a house from of mixes...just love them....
SadSam is right i think..they should know about their mom...but the truth...to a certain degree..as i landed myself in a bundle of doo-doo trying to make up fantacy for dd so she wouldn't be hurt about "daddy"..

don't force yourself on them just make sure that this is what you want these children don't need two moms leaving them

Surfermum Fri 13-May-05 12:21:37

Hi Superbaby. I'm a step-mum to a 9 year old but she doesn't live with us. You've hit the nail on the head really, you're a mother figure, but you aren't their mum. I think it's a bit inevitable that you are going to be a mother figure as they live with you and are their carer, but I think you'll do OK as long as it's clear to them that they do have a mum and it's not you, and you're not replacing her, you can still be a really good role model for them.

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