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Need advice please!

(9 Posts)
PrincessII Sun 07-Jun-09 20:45:18

My dh has a child from previous relationship. The child was taken into care and to cut a long story short was put into 'family foster care' placement.

My dh and I would like his child to live with us and our children as we feel dh child deserves to live with his father and siblings.

The only problem is we have not seen dh child for a year (too long a story) and dh does not get on with the family members dh child has placement with, so we do not know what he has been told. Unfortunately at the time of placement we were not in a poisiton (accomodation wise) to take dh child, but we have moved specifically to do so.

Can anyone give me advice on how social servies will react if my dh phones up and lets them know he wants contact and eventually after some time (if child wants to) to gain residence?

We are unsure of the system, but would like our family to be complete and for our children to know their sibling.

Any advice would be appreciated to a desperate step-parent and father.

CarGirl Sun 07-Jun-09 20:47:31

presumably you won't know until you contact social services and say he would like contact with his dc.

PrincessII Sun 07-Jun-09 20:56:43

That is true. I didn't know what social services would be like towards my dh, as he hasn't seen his dc and how they would react about him wanting residency.

If anyone has been in this situation, or knows what social services are likely to do in this type of situation.

hercules1 Sun 07-Jun-09 20:58:49

No idea but seems odd he hasnt tried to see before.

CarGirl Sun 07-Jun-09 21:07:30

probably better off trying the adoption/foster carer threads.

I think a lot depends on their age & wishes. I would start by saying he would like contact and he doesn't think the current foster carers will be open to facilitating it directly.

hercules1 Mon 08-Jun-09 14:19:51

Thanks for all the responses. I spoke to our chilminder this mornign and she is fine with 1 weeks notice.

I have asked mntowers to delete this thread which will be done later tofdafay as I dont want to be identified!

hercules1 Mon 08-Jun-09 14:22:44

oops wrong thread!

2rebecca Mon 08-Jun-09 18:01:15

I think your husband would be best approaching social services and initially just saying he'd like to regularly see and spend time with the kid. If he has had nothing to do with his kid for a year then it seems OTT and maybe not fair on the child who may be settled to start muttering about permanent residency. If the child is older they may also have some say in who they live. They may also be disappointed if dad makes noises about living with him and then feels he can't cope.
I would start building up a relationship gradually and see how things go and talk about residency a few months down the line when you have built a relationship with the child. He should mention to SS though that he would prefer minimal contact with the foster family because he doesn't like them though. He could maybe say to SS that if things go well he'd like to have his child live with him, but stress the building up a relationship bit as that sounds as though he is putting his child's needs first not his own. The child will also need to meet you and build up a relationship with you.

PrincessII Mon 08-Jun-09 20:07:02

thanks very much for your feedback 2rebecca, will def start hings off slowly. As you say the child (who is old enough) may decide they don't want anything to do with any of us.

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