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How do I tell the kids they don't share the same Dad?

(7 Posts)
QueenEagle Wed 20-Apr-05 13:25:19

I have 3 children from my first marriage and 2 from my marriage to hubby no.2.

Older 3 have not seen or heard a thing from my ex-h for 7 years and call my 2nd husband dad and are all very happy and settled.

It's not a problem really but I was wondering how do we approach the topic of the older 3 not being the natural children of my husband with the younger 2? They are only 2 and 4mths at the minute so the question would not arise for some time yet. Should we sit them down when they are old enough to understand and explain it to them or what?

Is anyone else in this situation that could give me a few tips on how to approach this? Thanks.

Listmaker Wed 20-Apr-05 13:34:06

I'm not in a similar situation but I would say find a way to mention it as soon as you can so that it's something they have always known. I knew a friend who's sister's daughter didn't find out something similar til she was 18 and it was a disaster as she felt she's been deceived and lied to all her life. It is so easy to tell them when they are young and they just accept it. Just start telling the 2 year old now - not in a big deal kind of way but so he knows that's all.

darlingbud Wed 20-Apr-05 13:40:41

I might not be good at this but hope I can give you some help. If it were me I would let them know from an early age too. He is their dad just not the man that made them with mummy. That was another man who mummy doesn't see anymore. The fact that daddy made the other 2 children doesn't matter becuase he loves them all the same and they are very special because of it.

Sorry - probably not much use. maybe people who have gone through similar can help.

QueenEagle Wed 20-Apr-05 13:41:09

Thanks for that. We feel the younger ones should definitely be aware and my older 3 occasionally talk about my ex. They see him as my ex-h rather than their dad iyswim.

With my 2 year old what sort of terminology do we use when referring to my ex? Wouldn't it be confusing to say "the older 3's dad", as they call my husband dad?

Listmaker Wed 20-Apr-05 14:38:25

I don't know - could you refer to him as their 'father' - sounds more formal and official and not as close as Dad. Or their other Dad or something. It is tricky but I've seen a few times where similar things were kept from the kids and it's never a good plan imo!

darlingbud Wed 20-Apr-05 19:20:08

could you just not refer to him by name?

WideWebWitch Wed 20-Apr-05 19:21:21

I'm interestd too as dd is 17 months and we'll hae to explain at some point. Ds's dad is here a lot though so I guess she'll get the idea.

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