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cafcass ????

(25 Posts)
RubyBelle Sun 15-Mar-09 22:16:16

hi i need some advise on cafcass and anyone who had dealing with them please im at my wits end i have a 3 years old and my ex is taking me to court for contact not the 1st time last time he stopped instucting his solicitor
i have a finding of fact order saying that he was violent and threating towards me

i have spoken to cafcass and he is being drug tested drink tested and psychologisal report being done at the moment i am worried sick about all this all adise would be helpfull

GypsyMoth Sun 15-Mar-09 22:23:39

Going through it too. What did cafcass say to you?

Spero Sun 15-Mar-09 22:28:23

If there is a finding of fact that ex has been violent, CAFCASS should consider this a failure of parenting and they usually want to see some evidence about how he is going to control himself in the future, for eg attending domestic violence intervention project, getting counselling.

They will want to promote contact, but only if it is safe for you and your children.

You will be able to challenge any CAFCASS conclusions in court if they get it wrong, so don't worry about that. Usually they are pretty good and sensible.

RubyBelle Mon 16-Mar-09 10:58:52

hi i have has one meeting with cafcass at their offices and the officer really thinks that my ex has changed. He has told cafcass that he has big thankyous for me and my husband but in his statement he has come out with some horrible lies which i can prove arn't true (he has said that i has a mischarge ) i have being to my doctors and got a note saying that this isnt true

I feel that the cafcass officer has completly ignored the violence towards me and the fact that i have police reports saying he has broke in snatched my child and the police had to break in to get my baby who was 6 weeks old and he has passed out drunk!

im so upset and worried i still have no proof of his deppression which stopped the last court procedding im just waiting for the outcome of these drug/drink tests but the cafcass officer wants him to have supervised contact at his parents home but i feel this is unsupervised access to a 3 year old with a man who has showed no interest in her and has issues which i have seen no proof of him trying to get help for.

sorry for the long post im just so upset with it has anyone had dealing with the drug testing?

OnlyWantsOne Mon 16-Mar-09 11:00:46

Im at the beginning of this long shitty cycle too,

empathise big time with you x

Spero Mon 16-Mar-09 21:14:53

If you are really worried about his parents being able to keep a proper eye on things, say that you will only agree to contact at a centre. But it might be that the court does end up ordering contact at his parents home, it would probably be a nicer environment for your child IF you can be confident its safe.

I appreciate that is a big if - is there anyway you can talk directly to his parents to get some reassurance?

Supervised contact in whatever place is never seen as a long term solution, just a way of keeping the door open while the supervised parent deals with drink/drugs problems.

And what on earth is he doing putting stuff about your miscarriage in his statement?? How on earth is this relevant??

CAFCASS don't determine what happens, it is still up to the court to decide. but CAFCASS are very influential.

RubyBelle Tue 17-Mar-09 11:56:18

Thankyou i know its not relevant or even true just a very hurtfull thing to say.
Unfortnatly i tryed supervised contact with his parents before but he never turned up to see the baby and when i went to pick her up his mum snatched her back from me and started shouting and swearing at me on her back garden which was awful for me and the baby. His mother also had a very long history of mental illness and has being sectioned for trying to harm my ex and his sister something i only found out about after very worrying i havent told cafcass this yet as i didnt want to even discuss contact until he passes the tests and i dont want to seem hostile towards him and his family but i feel i have no choice but to mention it as im afair for my daughter

how long do you think supervisied contact would take place for ?

and does anyone have an idea what will happen if he fails the drink /drug tests im also concerned about if he starts saying things to our daughter eg Mischarge !

i just dont know what to do i feel like cafcass arnt interested in anything prevouis just the fact that he is now saying he has changed.

MadameCastafiore Tue 17-Mar-09 11:58:40

God you need to tell cafcass and your solicitor about his mother being sectioned for trying to harm a child and go for contact at a centre where staff do this and not anybody involvedin the case.

RubyBelle Tue 17-Mar-09 12:09:49

i know im going to tomorrow i dont have a solicitor because i dont qualify for legal aid so im represtenting myself which is why i have so many question its a nightmare

i sure the cafcass offier will just say something like she is recovered now and recieved treatment so she is fit to look after my daughter every issue i have raised

he has just said that my ex was very depressed and that i have to belive he has changed so im worried that he will thing im being unreasonable which isnt the case im v worried about my child noone seems to care about this mans history just that contact must take place its a nightmare

Spero Tue 17-Mar-09 15:27:23

Just tell CAFCASS everything that concerns you, his parents doesn't sound like a great environment from what you say.

Supervised contact generally shouldn't be going on for longer than six months absolute max; it is often not a great environment for either parent or child.

But the court's over riding concern is the best interests of the children concerned. They must be safe. The court will not ignore the impact on you as their primary carer; if you are very upset and anxious, the court will want to mitigate this as obviously it has an impact on the children.

The big problem in these cases is that there are women who are just trying to stop contact for no good reason because they hate their ex. I guess CAFCASS at the moment is trying to figure out what category you are in - are you genuinely concerned and highlighting relevant issues, or are you just a vengeful ex?

Just be completely upfront about your concerns. There might be things that can be done to give you reassurance.

You can take a friend into court, someone who can take notes for you, this is often very useful as it is hard to concentrate on what is going on and write stuff down. You would have to ask the court for permission but if you are a litigant in person I would expect them to be sympathetic, especially if he has got a lawyer.

RubyBelle Tue 17-Mar-09 16:56:57

thanks for that i do have a mackenize friend my ex has a lawyer, im in court next week for further direction so the judge can order the drug/drink test etc cafcass are speaking to he judge to aask for all this im attending

i have a meeeting with cafcass this week but for eg
my ex was cautioned for breaking into my house and smashing up my bedroom and threating to hit me but cafcass said that if he had taken me outside and beat me up that would have being unacceptable !! but the fact he ONLY smashed up my room and terrifery myself and my 11 month old was because he was grieving because i had left him im at a loss as to what to say to them

RubyBelle Tue 17-Mar-09 16:57:55

ps is this in the right section

Spero Tue 17-Mar-09 20:50:55

He sounds like a very immature person who thinks only of himself and his feelings. The fact that he acts out in a violent way is very worrying. If CAFCASS can't say it, I can only hope the judge will. If your son is exposed to this kind of behaviour it can only cause him harm.

I would try to say calm - easy for me to say I know, but get as much support as you can.

Get the results of drink/drugs tests. If he's clean and sober, see how it goes in a safe and supervised setting.

the courts will want to promote contact but there is no need to rush, he sounds like he could be dangerous and this situation needs watching. Get another court hearing and additional CAFCASS report on the supervised contact before it moves on to anything else.

If he threatens you, damages your property etc, get the police involved.

RubyBelle Thu 19-Mar-09 10:31:20

thanks to everyone that replied i had a meeting with cafcass yesterday who have assured me that if the drug tests come back positive he will not be recommending contact which has put my mind at rest i brought up the issue with his mum and cafcass have said that they will recommend a contact centre
but i did say that i wasnt even going to consider it until the tests come back.

i also brought up other issues but cafcass said that if he has hasnt changed the doctor will pick it up so im just waiting for the results now its going to be a long 3 months

RubyBelle Thu 19-Mar-09 10:31:22

thanks to everyone that replied i had a meeting with cafcass yesterday who have assured me that if the drug tests come back positive he will not be recommending contact which has put my mind at rest i brought up the issue with his mum and cafcass have said that they will recommend a contact centre
but i did say that i wasnt even going to consider it until the tests come back.

i also brought up other issues but cafcass said that if he has hasnt changed the doctor will pick it up so im just waiting for the results now its going to be a long 3 months

izzymom Thu 19-Mar-09 21:29:32

Hi RubyBelle,
Just a word of encouragement for you (your experience sounds so much like that of a friend that I'd begun to think it was her!).
Her ex also broke into her home, beat her up, had mentally ill mother who abused my friend and her 3 y.o DD in the street. He failed drug test but still applied for contact...judge not only refused contact but actually imposed court order removing his parental responsibility. This moron will never be able to use his child to get at my friend again. Just wanted you to know that some judges have common sense to see through the bull and do whats best for the child. Good luck.

KingCanuteIAm Thu 19-Mar-09 21:53:56

I have been through the process and, whilst my experience is not directly relevant, I thought it may offer you a little comfort or confidence!

My ex took me through the whole shooting match, mediation, Caffcass, back and forward to court, Social Services - you name it he tried it. The thing is, he was clever, he had never been violent and he knew all the right things to say. Cafcass saw through him, almost from the start. Not only that but the superior manager who reviewed the case saw through him, just from the notes! They were really sensible and really listened to what was being said, even when he tricked my daughter into saying things they got to the bottom of it with her (this was the point at which they gave up gving him chances - oh and the times he got caught lying to the judge didn't help much! wink).

IME sometimes it does not seem as if they are listening to you but it does seem that the things you say get taken into account somewhere along the way - just not always where you expect them!

The only tip I would give you is something I have been told during subsequent contact with them, things that have been done against you are not always relevant to the way they see a person acting with a child. For example, someone being violent to a partner does not mean that person would be violent to a child IYSWIM. The best way to present these things is to highlight incidents when the child was involved or present.

I do agree that you need to let them know about his mother, they may well find that she has changed or whatever, but it is relevant to the proposal and it will not look to good if it appears that they have witheld important information such as that - it shows they are not being upfront!

I hope it goes well for you, it is a tough process emotionally as well as practically, just remember we are all here to help where we can smile

RubyBelle Fri 20-Mar-09 11:52:29

thanks everyone im in court next week but my mac friend cant make it as he is a barrister himself and cannot get out of work because it was too short notice but my husband will go with me
i have just heard from my ex solicitor that he would now like to change my childs surname to his ! something the cafcass officer is not pleased with but he will drop it if i let him and his family have contact

i have told cafcass that if contact is safe i will allow it the name is not a bargining tool again im shocked and on top of this, this changed man has had a job for 2 months but not imfomed the csa they are having to trace it throught the IR because he wont tell them where he works !!! thankyou everyone again xx

Spero Fri 20-Mar-09 17:29:37

good luck, I'm glad you've got some support on the day.

monkeylaine Sat 21-Mar-09 16:48:44

Hi there, my brother had this problem. He wasn't violent/abusive, etc., and never drinks, smokes or takes any drugs. But, his ex accused him of being that way. He spent 18 months representing himself trying to gain any contact at all with his son. The end result was that the judge saw through the lies. My brother ended up with supervised contact at a contact centre for some time. In time, things improved, he got unsupervised contact, and now he collects his son and takes him home for weekends.
It's hard though for CAFCASS and the courts to see whether your ex is being accused of his behaviour or actually is that way, given the sheer number of lies being told in other cases. Those women have made it very difficult for genuine women like yourself. Still, the default action is normally to start with supervised contact and assessments, etc.

It is true that the courts will not want to prevent contact with a child if there's no evidence of any violence or aggression towards a child. They don't condone that behaviour, but just don't connect the two.

I don't know how your ex can change your child's surname without your consent. I wouldn't listen to that.

And the CSA will find your ex's employment, and take maintenance straight from his wages, and you'll get back-pay.

Regarding your court case - I advise you to focus entirely on the impact on your child. Give examples of situations that are directly related to your child and stick to pure hard facts, as your opinions and judgements of your ex will not be welcomed or even considered at all. They only become irritated by the adults focusing on their 'generally terrible' relationship and mud slinging. Focus each point on your child and what's in his/her best interest - based on pure facts! Get the judge on your side by doing this and you're in a good position. But I can't see the courts denying any sort of access at all. Expect supervised access at a contact centre in the first instance. Good luck.

RubyBelle Sat 21-Mar-09 17:41:39

thankyou i feel for yur brother i really do it must be an awful situation i dont know if you have read my thread but my violence has being proven in court in a finding of fact i also have 13 to 16 police report relating to my ex's drunken drug fueled behaviour he also has not turned up to one court case before so the contact case got dropped!

my cafcass officer has assured me that if the drug tests drink tests come back positive he will recommend indirect contact also my ex has lied about 4 times on his sworn statement so the judge wont be happy as i have proof eg letters from employers doctors. he has also used the same date for 2 separate things

so fingers crossed myself and my child will be protected
thankyou again everyone

monkeylaine Mon 23-Mar-09 14:48:44

I believe you'll be protected in this case for sure and I'll be very confused and gobsmacked if not. Good luck!

Katelyn Thu 26-Mar-09 15:29:39

My Husband had all this from his ex partner and it was all lies.

BUT, that was proven by his police record - there wasn't one. If he can be proven an unfit parent, you've a case.

If he has now record of violence, drug abuse etc - you've not got a leg to stand on.

In my experience and what was explained to us is, if he was ever violent and or threatening, he'll probably get a period of time supervised contact - perhaps 6 months. After which, if satisfactory - it'll probably go by way of contact every weekend....

sunshine13 Thu 14-May-09 15:29:40

Unless your ex was jailed I fail to see why he cant be allowed to see child.

And you cant put your anxieties on your child either.

If your ex was that bad he'd have been convicted in a criminal court. I assume this isnt the case.

I hope that you find resolution & can talk to your ex. I know it will be hard but hey... as adults and parents you have to do things that are hard every day as this isnt about YOU, it's about CHILD and it's important that child has a relationship with Daddy.

I think it's sad that CAFCASS have not gotten involved.

I would say keep the authorities out! Get on the blower, take the moral highground and TALK TO YOUR EX!

I hope it all works out for you! X

hayley27x Thu 20-Jun-13 20:26:06

Hiya, I sent you a message, also going through the same thing xxx

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