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How to be a good ex-step?

(8 Posts)
MrsSnorty Sun 31-Aug-08 22:12:05

My XP has two DDs who I became quite close to (and fond of) whilst I was with him. I don't have any direct contact with them now as it doesn't seem fair to them to expect it. However, I have so far continued to send Christmas and birthday cards and presents from myself and DS (their half-brother). After last Christmas I asked XP to take over doing this (ie buying presents for them from our DS) purely because I can't really afford to do it.
I feel a bit guilty/sad about this though - was I right to stop?
How do others handle relationships with former DSCs?

terrier141 Mon 01-Sep-08 09:15:59

You sound lovely!! I can totally understand why you feel unable to afford to continue sending presents - and really feel it is your ex's responsibility to do that anyway - but will he do it??
If I were you I would continue to send the cards (but not the presents if you find it hard) - so that the kids know that you are still thinking of them.
Wish more people were as thoughtful to kids feelings as you seem!

MrsSnorty Mon 01-Sep-08 10:41:11

Oh thanks! Don't often think of myself as lovely..
The worse thing is that I think XP has told them all the grisly details of why we split (well, his version anyway) so they probably don't even like me anymore.
Good idea about sending cards but yes, am a bit suspicious that he won't get them anything from DS and will use it as further cause to badmouth me. It's all very sad really.

tiggerlovestobounce Mon 01-Sep-08 10:48:25

I think you are right to leave it.

Anna8888 Mon 01-Sep-08 10:49:52

A card - or, even better, a little letter and some photos of your DS - is much more meaningful than a present.

superflybaby Mon 01-Sep-08 16:32:49

Agree with Anna8888 very strongly. Your DS is their blood relative, you will always have some connection to his half siblings/ your ex-DSD's.

I'm not in your situation but I have 2 DSD's & a DD with their Dad. I would love to think if ever their Dad was out of the picture that they would still be a part of my DD's life.
Keep in touch, even if it is one only a one way thing for now.

2rebecca Mon 01-Sep-08 19:45:48

I would send a card as your son is their half brother. I wouldn't if just a step relationship unless it was a long relationship.

MrsSnorty Mon 01-Sep-08 20:43:40

Thank you. Think I'm going to continue with the cards but ask XP to buy presents (especially at Christmas). They do still see DS, BTW, but when he's with XP rather than me.

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