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Has anyone out there had counselling??

(8 Posts)
Nelli29 Fri 18-Feb-05 13:47:54

Hi everyone, me again! Just wondered if anyone had tried seeing a counsellor and what they thought of it. Last time I posted I had made the decision to go and see one, but each time I pick up the phone I end up putting it down! I can't help but feel like I should be able to sort this on my own , and feel if I open up to someone it leaves me vulnerable..or is that the point of it?! SD is coming today, I do feel better about the situation , its not perfect but then whos life is. I'm don't seem to be getting too knotted up (this time anyway) but want to keep pregressing and not risk the whole 2 steps forward 3 steps back thing! I am still struggling with the self confidence, comparing myself to ex all the time (not outwardly just to myself) and still find the situation anything but easy. Can't decide whether to see someone or not! Any experience out there??!!

Earlybird Fri 18-Feb-05 13:59:05

Yes, I've seen someone. IME, it's kinda like having a of the hardest things you've ever done, but so worth it! It is frightening to open the "Pandora's Box" of your psyche, but helped me immensely to make different/better decisions. And it is a complete relief to make some different mistakes, instead of the same old ones over and over!

valleygirl Fri 18-Feb-05 17:20:36

well as i said on your previous thread i am a big advocate of counselling. it's not for everyone i agree, cos if you're not ready for it and willing to open up then it might be a waste of time and precious money! but it gives you a totally neutral and objective view on things and helps you ask and answer questions about yourself that you may have not thought of, or been too afriad to ask yourself. like i said i don't think i would still be in this relationship if i hadn't had counselling when i was going throught the hardest part of adjusting to life as a step-parent and life with an ever-present ex.
CAT me if you want some more re-assurance.

munnzieb Fri 18-Feb-05 17:30:15

I went to one when I was 16, and found him v v helpful, he was the student councillor at college, and allowed me to contact him at home during the holidays, it really helped me work thru things and work out what what happening in my head, it also helped me to over come a lot of emotional problems, and bought me closer to my famiily.

LIke you I was scared at first, thinking it was a sign of weakness to ask for help, but a wise old woman (my mum!) told me it takes a stronger persona to ask for help than one who suffers in silence.

nikkim Fri 18-Feb-05 17:41:49

I have in the past and found it very useful although at first it can be traumatic visiting issues that you have kept hidden, this applies especially to psychotherapy.

It is important to get the counselling that is right for you.

Raini2 Sat 05-Mar-05 17:28:25

Hi there, I went to councelling 2 years prior to my 1st marriage ending.
I found that although it did not save my marriage, it helped me on all sorts of issues.
I fully empathise with you about keep putting the phone down after ringing the number, as i did that a total of 7 times before i found the strength to actually speak to the person on the other end of the line. However as soon as i had booked my 1st appointment i felt as though i had a weight taken off my shoulders, and that was the start of the new me! Go for it! Nothing to lose(wink)

valentine5 Mon 07-Mar-05 10:54:58

hi everyone ,this is the first time ive used mumsnet or any kind of chatroom so its all new to me, i think counselling sounds like a great idea ,i have been with my partner 2 years and he has a 6 year old daughter and i dident realise how emotionally draining it can be, ive been thinking about counselling too although i hope talking on this site may help, you all sound really nice and supportive i just had to give it a go xx

jojo38 Wed 06-Apr-05 00:13:57

I think being a step parent is harder than being a parent. No matter how many books there are on the subject, or how many people advise you, nothing can prepare you for it. It is something that hits you between the eyes, stings and smarts then in time you get used to it and become more "immune"... or not, thats when one bows out for the finale.

Counselling is a wonderful attribute we have added to our lives. It works if you want it to. Many replies here tell us that honesty hurts and boy, it does... but any sort of counselling involves honesty. This is the only way we can truly find out who we are and how to deal with the issues we find in ourselves which are damaging us. The first and most important step is acknowledging the fact that we have issues which need sorting.

I have to say that I hate being a step parent. I have learned to cope with that feeling by looking at it as an emotion and turning that emotion into something good. I disappear for a while, spend time with my mum and on my own at the stables etc... I get out of the situation which causes me greif.. just for a bit. My feelings can be felt by the skids... that can't be good for them or their dad, so I don't drain them with it.

DH and I are considering relationship counselling as it is a particular problem of dhs that he finds it difficult being a father/stepfather and husband. It is a first step to sorting a problem. Hopefully it will work and get us back on track, if not then it will be sorted either way.

Go for the counselling but be honest with yourself. It may/may not help you but you won't know til you try.

Hugs to you hun, it isn't easy at the best of times. Keep strong and find your own boundaries. Just because we are step mums/parents does not mean we are super human or that we have to accept every bump that comes our way.
We are human... only human.


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