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Do your stepchild/ren have their own room?

(13 Posts)
AccidentalMum Tue 12-Aug-08 19:32:26

DSD (12) comes every other weekend and for very occasional longer periods. She always has her own room in the house, even if has meant us sleeping in the lounge and various other shufflings. We've just moved to a bigger place and it's obviously easier but just wondered what your system is, especially if you're short of space? AIBU to resent the posters etc? She insists on being able to barricade our DD1 (2.10) out too.

CrushWithEyeliner Tue 12-Aug-08 19:40:53

when my SC were younger (11 and (9) they used to have rooms which they personalised but it did not last very long. We were lucky enough to have a big place then but when we downsized they started to pack out the rooms with crap basically and ruin the walls with posters. It was not on. In our currrent place they don't have personalised rooms at all because they come so infrequently and really don't care about that kind of thing anymore.
For us it was to soften the blow at first of the disruption of it all. I personally don't think it fair at all that she can barricade your daughter out of anywhere tbh. That is my opinion....

AccidentalMum Tue 12-Aug-08 19:49:26

Thanks, I do feel guilty about her room looking quite impersonal but I am at a loss as to what to get her for it. My youngest sister is the same age and her room is a very creative, fun space but nothing similar that I get seems to gel with DSD.

CarGirl Tue 12-Aug-08 19:52:12

My dd1 who is 11.5 finally has her own room (instead of sharing with at least one sister) life is much easier now that none of her sisters go in her space. With big age gaps like that it is very difficult not to have somewhere to have stuff unsuitable for toddlers and somewhere to go to get away from them.

Sorry but they don't love their siblings in the same way we do!

giddykipper Tue 12-Aug-08 19:54:54

Can you not take her out and get her to choose things to decorate her room? I'm just talking about cheapy pictures from Ikea etc. As soon as we had room we gave the step DCs their own rooms, I wanted them to feel like it was home for them rather than just somewhere they came to stay.

Qally Tue 12-Aug-08 21:11:08

I think it's totally reasonable for a teenage kid to want a toddler-free space, tbh, step or not. If you had to sleep in the lounge then her own room was unreasonable, but if you have the space at all I think it's a good idea. Step-kid isn't an easy role (nor is step-mother if they're good people, which you definitely sound!).

AccidentalMum Tue 12-Aug-08 21:30:12

Hi. We gave up on the lounge in the end TBH!

You are right, Qally, but it does break my heart as little DD loves her more than anyone (and I was never allowed to get away with it wink).

Giddykipper, the main problem is that, anything she actually likes, she takes home! She asks so nicely and it always means that I've done well that I never say it has to stay here. You just reminded me of that.....anyone else have that?

BrownSuga Tue 12-Aug-08 21:37:45

I decorated DHs DDs room for her. She was very pleased. As children we weren't allowed posters etc.. on the wall, and I don't really want that in my home, so I put up a few pictures, and pretty girly plates my mother had given me.

We had the rule, anything we bought for her stayed in our home. This ensured she always had clothes, toys etc.. at our house. If you are buying specific things to decorate her room at your house, then yes, they should stay there. Otherwise you're paying for her to have a nice room at her mothers, and a bland room at yours! grin

youcannotbeserious Tue 12-Aug-08 22:15:20

I have two DSDs and they both have their own rooms in our house. Only slight problem is that DS (who lives with us) doesn't have a room! So we will need somewhere bigger soon!!!

To be fair, though, DS wasn't planned and we wouldn't be living where we are now if we knew of his arrival!

mistressmiggins Wed 13-Aug-08 20:00:44

my own DCs have a room each at their dad's but my DS actually sleeps in the spare room so if his grandparents come to stay he gets moved out. He has no posters or theme to the room - just toys.

my DSD has her own room in my house which is bigger than my DD's.
she is moving in though so thats fair enough and she is older than my DD.

I think it is important for children to have their own rooms (if it is possible) and the older the child, the more important it is to them

as for your DSD shutting your DS out, its the age and to be honest, I think it is fair enough she has her own space BUT I also think it is fair enough to explain to DSD that she needs to treat your DS with respect and tolerance. Thats what being sibblings is all about.

wiggleit Wed 13-Aug-08 20:13:12

Step-parenting is hard, it's definitely the hardest thing i have done! My DSD has her own room as we want her to feel that this is her home when she is here, she does live with us 50% of the time though so she is here quite a lot.

I think it is important for SC to feel they are part of a home and not just a visitor. Tbh we could do with more room/a bigger house ..but we manage.

BouncingTurtle Fri 15-Aug-08 06:42:44

Yes I would definitely encourage your dsd to help decorate her room - it will make it feel much more like she is part of your household, IYSWIM to know that she has a space to call her own.
My DSS has his own room which was decorated to his tastes - I actually did it and chose decoration for it and then he picked pictures and posters to put up.
It is now his space, and when my ds is older(he's only a baby!) we will teach him to respect his older brother's room and not go in without permission - there is a 7 year age gap between my dss and my ds and so he is of an age that as he gets older privacy will be important to him.

spottyshoes Fri 15-Aug-08 07:03:54

My Stepson has his own room decorated completed in Man U! There is 7yrs between him and DS and will be 9 between him and DC2. The room thing is a bit of a bone of contension at the moment as he has a big room and I dont see why a child who isn't here all the time (and has things like games consoles that can be condensed into a smaller space) should have a bigger room than a child who is here FT, will need to 'play' and has lots of toys. Dh feels diferrently hmm

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