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fourteen year old dss

(8 Posts)
starscream Sun 10-Aug-08 10:59:02

my dd and i live with my mum we all get on really well, about seven months ago my nephew moved in as his mother (my sister) is an alcoholic, very pleased he is here but as he has never had a home routine and lacks confidance its difficult to say the least, evem though he is a very pleasent lad its hard to get though to him about being part of a family, has anyone been though this kind of thing?

Dynamicnanny Sun 10-Aug-08 18:34:43

Is there opportunity for him to make it his home, has he got his own room, which he can decorate/do what he likes with? can he have his friends over, watch tv programmes he like, generally chill out.

I would say get him involved in the chores, helping to cook the familys main meal, wash up, be a part of the household management, give him the same rules as everyone else, let him invite friends over. Can you spend quality time with himie play a game with him on the computer, watch a tv show with him, take him bowling etc.

Good Luck

Alexa808 Tue 12-Aug-08 06:12:21

Can you have photos of you all together (Nan, you, your dd and him taken) and put them up around the house? Also give him an album with those pics and single pictures of him, his family, you, DD, nan, friends, etc.

Then, give him something to do as DN says: maybe tell him is task in the family is to water all plants or tend to the garden, help out with chopping veg, etc. If something is his sole responsibility (and something he actually likes, maybe he'll thrive on doing it and build up confidence).

2rebecca Thu 14-Aug-08 10:05:51

Poor boy. Where are all the men in your family? Do you all choose fickle blokes or something?
3 women in a family without husbands sounds alot. I'm not surprised the boy doesn't feel part of a family as he isn't really your family. I wouldn't have been happy if dumped with my aunt and granny age 7 even if my mum was alcoholic and it was the best place for me at the time. I don't get the stepson bit either as he's your nephew not your stepson. Is this in the wrong discussion forum or is your sister his stepmum and there is a dad lurking somewhere.

2rebecca Thu 14-Aug-08 11:49:32

Sorry, I see he's 14 not 7, still a sad situation for him.

heartmummy Thu 14-Aug-08 12:10:10

my nephew asked to move here with us, he does have a father very close but he has another family and nephew dose not feel apart of that family( very sad we are not happy with his dad right now but get along well) im 32 my parnter left me when we found out that our baby would be born with very SN , had to move in with my mum for the extra help and money reasons,we have always been close to nephew and grandson been more family than his own mother its not ideal we know but we tring to do our best for him, plus he is happier here with us! social services are involed also his mother. just needed some advice its hard for all of us

heartmummy Thu 14-Aug-08 12:14:41

oh my dd is only 2 and a half really has`nt had the time for husbands yet and my mum was married for 20yrs its the luck of the draw somethings just dont work out

2rebecca Thu 14-Aug-08 21:28:58

But why are you calling him your stepson in the title and posting on a stepparents forum? I can't imagine doing that with my nephews. It does seem a bit odd.

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