DP & DSD (11) moving in - any advice?

[mistressmiggins]

Have been with DP for over 2 yrs - we only see each other at weekends cos they live too far away.....

decided (quite suddenly) to move in - was on the cards but decided DSD needs to move in time to start local school to me in Sept rather than wait....so in 3 weeks time we will all be living together!

I have DS(6) and DD(4) who adore DP and accept his rules/discipline (he's softer than me though)

DSD seems to get on ok with me but I realise that she is 11 and so hormones etc will be kicking in PLUS when we actually live together day to day, it wont be the same as having to put up with each other for 2 days at weekend.

I'm sure it will be ok but I will be back for advice no doubt!

[youcannotbeserious]

Good luck Mistressmiggins!!

[jimjamshaslefttheyurt]

Don't underestimate how difficult the teenage years can be. It's quite a jump to go from a 6 and 4 year old to an 11 year old as well.

Good luck!

[mistressmiggins]

I am lucky in that I have several friends who have DDs of their own of a similar age...so when DSD kicks off, I realise that it's her age and nothing personal.
At the moment, she prefers me to her dad! Thats cos he says silly things that I realise irritate her and I try to remember how I felt towards my dad at that age.

Apparantely she has been on the phone all week to her friends telling them that she is moving school but is positive about it.

I think for DSD she has had 3 yrs of uncertainty and the fact we are going to be a permanent family seems to have settled her. I know it wont be a bed of roses, but i feel that I deserve happiness, which I get from DP, and the children deserve stability.

My family are great about it all and I know they will support us & help out with DSD in holidays etc. She is looking forward to being treated like an adult and allowed to walk home by herself. I will be picking my 2 up from school but will be home when she arrives.

The scary thing is that my DD (4) will be starting school the same time so we will have 2 girls to deal with
Plenty of tears no doubt come Sept

thanks for your words girls

[Surfermum]

I'd wish you good luck, but you don't need it. You are so lovely, sensible and insightful MM that you are going to get on just fine. She's a lucky girl to have you as a step-mum.

I still remember your threads from a couple of years ago and how amazing you were at that time. What sticks in my mind is the way you rang the OW and told her it was OK to cuddle your children, because you just wanted them to be happy while they were with her and their Dad. I wish you many blessings and all the happiness in the world.

[mistressmiggins]

Thanks Surfermum. You were one of the step mums I took advice from early on & I still try hard to be a good BM regarding my children going to OW & exH. Still have trouble there - my exH is lovely & chatty on the phone to me when OW isnt listening but when he is at home, his attitude stinks. Something I just accept.

The day is drawing ever closer and I am scared....
however DP brought DSD's bed & wardrobe at the weekend & I made him assemble them
This is the first time DSD has had a wardrobe since her parents split up. She lives with DP & her bedroom is too small for one so she shares his wardrobe. She was so pleased when it was up & has already put some clothes in.
She is at her mums at the moment and apparently the first thing she said to her mum on Mon morning when they did drop off was "I have a wardrobe at Mistress miggins"

Dp was embarrassed and his ex said nothing but surely that says it all

I wrote her a letter last week explaining how much I wanted her to be part of our family and how I understood it must be hard etc

I think it will be ok - I just need to let go of the remote for the TV and the computer

DSD is a lovely girl and DP deserves to have her living with him / us

we are all off on holiday for a week so that should be fun.

DSD has been so much more relaxed around my 2 DCS and us since we have made the decision to make the relationship permanent. I think she was just feeling insecure and now she knows we are serious & providing a stable family for her.