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(28 Posts)
jammi Sat 12-Jul-08 09:07:52

Message withdrawn

wildfish Sat 12-Jul-08 16:07:49

Hi Jammi. I really hope it does take years. I've not had the writ served on me yet, but my lawyer has a copy. Just waiting for the official serving of the writ.

But the gist is
Basically I am a bad parent. X is far better suited to care all round for DS. He has no interaction with other children when with me. His development is slow because of me. She can get flexi working to look after him. I actively tell DS to dislike her new partner. I refuse overnights. So she wants residency or failing that a (contact) order regulating that the majority of the week he stays with her.

I don't know - other than false witnesses - how she will explain that lot.

It frightens me the whole thing. For her it is a game of possession and power. Very personal. For me its the future health of my son. I have the higher stakes than her.

I am preparing why I think I should have residency but I must admit that lot are very clever. They have tried to say my law firm cannot represent me, as X DP phoned up my firm and chatted with someone for 10minutes, made an appointment before being canceled as I was a client. I wonder if he didn't phone every company in the city. If my solicitor firm do what they need to and can represent me then we shall see.

So rather despondent and weary and it hasn't even started.

jammi Sat 12-Jul-08 17:49:37

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wildfish Sat 12-Jul-08 21:10:02

I forgot to say its also winding me up that DS is being told he has 2 dads, and should refer to his new dad as dad also. In fact he just called him uncle "xxxx" on the phone, and X said in a stern voice, "we will discuss that tomorrow".

2rebecca Sun 13-Jul-08 11:16:19

That's awful. I would never ask my son to call his stepdad "dad" and find it deeply creepy when kids who have contact with both parents do that with stepparents. I wouldn't want my stepkids to call me mum. They have a mum, they don't need two.
I would use things like that on your side of the argument as them trying to belittle your relationship with your son anf force him to call another man dad.
If a 10 min phonecall can stop your solicitor representing you the system is mad.

jammi Sun 13-Jul-08 22:21:17

Message withdrawn

youcannotbeserious Sun 13-Jul-08 22:21:37

wf - totally unacceptable.

i only recently call myself Stepmum. NEVER mum.... NEVER!!!

Absolutley unnacceptable to call another adult a parent unless agreed by everyone

jammi Sun 13-Jul-08 22:23:21

Message withdrawn

wildfish Sun 13-Jul-08 22:25:35

well I can't say much, except I was attacked by that X DP today, after he grabbed DS after DS tried to hit him, I intervened and he attacked me. I won't say much more incase they are monitoring.

youcannotbeserious Sun 13-Jul-08 22:28:44

totally agree with Jammi - reasonable people would not want, expect or demand this.

My DSDs have, on occasion, refered to me as mum (sometimes a mistake othertimes because the other person assumed I was mum and they didn't know how to respond) - In all cases, I correct them (or the person who has assumed I'm mum)... Just a quick, I'm their dad's partner, not mum, puts everything right.

Now I have DS, I do sometimes use the 'I'm only biologically responsible for one of them' but if I'm honest, I didn't like using the whole 'biological' thing until DS arrived.

youcannotbeserious Sun 13-Jul-08 22:32:15

Fuck! WF... This is getting serious...

Fuck them monitoring you. Get this logged with the police. Even if you don't wish to press charges.

Surely this is grounds for you to demand her new partner is kept out of the picture for the forseeable future?

And, he's a solicitor, yes? Fucking report him to his employers.

Seriously, apologies for the bad language, but this is SOOOOOO ou of order.

wildfish Sun 13-Jul-08 23:08:12

Well it is logged, but I will only press charges if he tries to. The police will do that if he wishes to press charges.

I really hope it is grounds. I would hope so especially as he is not even married (legally) so surely my word should be enough? Is not as if I am trying to stop her, just him.

youcannotbeserious Sun 13-Jul-08 23:24:19

How is your Son, WF? Is he OK? He must be pretty shaken up about the whole thing?

Do the police know that your son witnessed this and also you only became involved to protect your son?

I honestly think, in this situation, you should start off from a position of 'no, this man is not seeing my child' and let her fight for supervised access.

It takes a lot for me to say that (and you know, I've come down on you before) but for a man to attack a child infront of his father and then to attack a father infront of his child - there are some serious anger issues there that I think you have every right to protect your child from.

I really think it's time to call a halt to this circus. He should not be seeing your son. He appears not to have boundaries and, even (at best) this is because your Ex is asking him to do it, SHE is going to have to step up to be a parent here.

wildfish Sun 13-Jul-08 23:30:21

He was shaken up. The police even saw that, they let him into the interview room with me.

I am going to ask to stop this man via courts. I tell you he had the look of some drunken maniac on a Friday night in a city centre.

He was going from this way to that. He tried headbutting me, then laughed. I mean does that not remind you of nutcases out of pubs weekend.

Worse part is I said to her, is this what you want in front of your son, are you happy about this, and she just laughed.

This has only made him more clingy now.

wildfish Mon 14-Jul-08 00:02:36

Incidentally I have another question. So far the nursery dont believing of forcing a child to sleep over, the school teacher/head said the same, the police said the same, everyone I speak to (I mean people I know IRL) say no forcing.

So how comes courts say force ?

jammi Mon 14-Jul-08 07:27:26

Message withdrawn

wildfish Mon 14-Jul-08 11:41:15

Seems my choices are limited. No quick fix to this. The only immediate thing I can do is refuse to let him go with her but nothing to stop her simply taking him. Any court thing will take time

newforold Mon 14-Jul-08 12:42:36

She can't simply take him, you have the child benefit paid to you, you are the resident parent.

If she did take him, you would be able to report this as an abduction if necessary.
If she took him and simply refused to give him back at all you would be able to go to an emergency hearing and obtain an order that would make her give him back.
The court bailiff would deliver the order to her and unless the child is returned by the time stated on the order she will be arrested.

madmuggle Sat 02-Aug-08 21:22:31

Wildfish, I've been AWOL for a while, but I'm thinking of you and keeping my fingers crossed that you get the right result.

youcannotbeserious Mon 04-Aug-08 08:15:19

Hi MadMuggle - How are you?

WF - Hope you and your DS are doing OK!

madmuggle Tue 05-Aug-08 11:15:20

I've been weird thanks YCBS, yourself?

Wildfish, still sending ranty parent vibes for you.

youcannotbeserious Tue 05-Aug-08 12:32:56

Oh dear, sorry you are feeling weird, MM!

ALl good here - Harry is 11 weeks old now and the light of my life! grin

madmuggle Wed 06-Aug-08 00:01:29

Life's weird, curse it!

11 weeks! Bless. Mine's one now, little monster that he is

wildfish Wed 06-Aug-08 07:46:45

Hi MM. Life is certainly weird. Hope things get better.

Court is imminent now, and we've put our defences in, just hope the repercussions don't end up on son (angry opposition). So stress levels just high. Son also starting school two weeks. DS is also stressing, has some strange dreams. She's told DS that she is going to court to get him. DS to me - "I want to go to court to fight mummy and xxxxx. I want to defeat them".

MM & YCBS : 1 year and 11 weeks. Seems so recently and so far. Time just zips past.

youcannotbeserious Wed 06-Aug-08 08:17:20

Wildfish - Keep us posted on the court case. I think it always affects the kids to a degree. I hope you are able to keep your Ex's new partner out of your son's life... Sad that this is happening just as he prepares to start school... I know you were keen to avoid that.

Sorry you are both having weird lives....

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