What would you do or advise, because i'm stumped!(6 Posts)
Agree it's probably typical teenage behaviour made ten times worse by the family history. Teenagers love to give their parents a hard time anyway, and are generally very self-centred.
I'm not surprised dh is hurt but he should know that she may well come back to him and appreciate him when she's older and more mature. May have to wait until her mid-20s, though, I'm afraid.
All you can do is make sure she knows dh loves her and would welcome any contact from her. And wait.
I fear we have all this to come! DSD is 10 and is a real mummys girl. DSC live 200 miles away and we only see them once a month. DSD refuses to speak to DH when he phones (he is only allowed to phone the same time and day once a week!). When we have DSC every month, she never talks to DH, has never kissed him or cuddled him, wont even hold his hand and is quite offy with him all the time. It breaks my heart to see this, but this has always happened apparently (she was less than a year old when DH and her mother split). I dont understand why DSD treats DH like this. He has always been there for his DSC, is a brilliant father and the split was not his doing, it was their mothers decision, DH did nothing wrong, but their mother had (and still has) a drink problem!. Both DSS have good relationships with DH and the youngest DSS is a real Daddys boy. I think, personally, that this winds their mother up and she has manipulated DSD so that she can never become close to her father. I think this is a really nasty thing to do and will only end up hurting DH and DSD in years to come. He is missing out on so much of her life as she wont talk to him about school or anything she does and her mother wont tell DH anything!
I fear that their mother is trying to do the same to youngest DSS aswell as we have just found out that he has a school play next week, but when we asked if we could come she said "he doesn't want you there". However, when we asked him, he said he did want us to come but that "mummy didn't get enough tickets for us to go too".
I just dont get this kind of treatment and I cant for the life of me see how this is beneficial to any child.
I would say that he should keep up the contact and teh financial contributions. She may be enjoyng another life with her resident family, and maybe she is being influenced by the opinions of her mum and step-dad, but if he were to stop these things it would give them more ammo and possibly create more of a distance.
Is it possible that he could contribute financially by buying her the things she needs rather than by just sending cash? MAybe that way he won't feel like they are takinf the piss so much.
when she is older she will hopefully be more adult about it all, particularly if she decides not to stay in Ireland and needs his help.
I think it is really important to maintain contact, i.e. birthday, christmas, and regular cards/phone calls and regular maintenance payments. I know it is really hard (my dsd is 7 but I can see this all storing up for the future) but to be fair on the poor girl her mum and sd clearly have heavily influenced her, anyone who would allow themselves to be described as a child's father to a priest when they knew they were not the father is clearly a shit, and even though your dh couldn't have stopped them moving to Ireland his daughter may be angry he didn't try.
Poor poor girl, if your dh maintains contact she may eventually be able to establish a positive relationship with him when she is an adult.
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