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Argh! Christmas based resentment!!

(10 Posts)
brusselbeansprouts Sat 18-Dec-04 17:27:47

Dp came home last night with sd's xmas present - a lap top that cost £600. She is in the first year of A-levels and so this is "needed".
I'm struggling a bit as I think this is a huge amount of money to spent on a present. We are not wealthy and this is easily twice what is spent on everyone else put together. This comes after a trip for her to see family in Australia last year, a tv/video the year before... basically it's always IMO an OTT present.

I try to tell myself that it's between him and his bank account but I'm still shocked and angry. It really isn't about wanting them money spent on me - quite the opposite, as I tend to worry about money and am reluctant to spend large chunks of it!

Would appreciate your views fellow step-parents! Am I over-reacting? I really don't want this to linger if I am?! TIA.

spacedonkey Sat 18-Dec-04 17:29:25

No, I don't think you're overreacting at all bbs - I would have thought dp should have discussed this with you as a joint decision first.

brusselbeansprouts Sat 18-Dec-04 17:34:12

SD - I think he knows what I would say and then we would be stuck! We do tend to manage our finances a bit separately as we have very different approaches - he is happy to be in debt and I can't stand it.

Anyway, he's spent it now - but how do I stop feeling so bothered about it?!!!

spacedonkey Sat 18-Dec-04 17:41:04

Well I suppose if it doesn't impact on your family finances in any way then you can't object on those grounds. However I think I would still feel a little resentful about it tbh. Do you think he spends so lavishly on her through guilt?

brusselbeansprouts Sat 18-Dec-04 17:55:02

I do think that, definitely. She really isn't v nice to him a lot of the time as well, which just leaves me feeling a bit sorry for him and a bit angry with her, although I know I should be angry with him as he is the grown up. This is the problem, I get it muddled up and so come Xmas day I just can't face watching her be nice to him for 5 mins as he has given her a huge present and then watch as she starts arguing etc etc again. Sigh....!

spacedonkey Sat 18-Dec-04 17:59:30

That must be really difficult to take BBS Not sure how I would deal with it, I am sure I'd feel the same as you

brusselbeansprouts Sat 18-Dec-04 18:03:00

Thanks SD. Sometimes I just feel like I am just horrible and should mind my own business as dp defends what he does to the hilt. At least I'm not just a crazed evil scrooge-woman!!

FrostyTheSurfMum Sat 18-Dec-04 20:51:40

I think I would feel the same as you, especially as she appears to be so ungrateful.

brusselbeansprouts Thu 23-Dec-04 16:39:22

Thanks for your support with this. Have decided that what he spends is his lookout and am not going to give it any more time.
Will just look away on Xmas morning when they have their magical £600 xmas moment!!

carproad Thu 06-Jan-05 12:46:06

Dear BBS --- oh boy, can I empathise!! My stepson in yr 10 asked for a laptop for his bday. My h approached me about this. I couldn't believe he didn't knock that one cold when it was presented! I hit the roof! This kid has a sense of entitlement a mile wide, saves no money but expects it, and is as lazy as a sloth. He can rarely put the effort into schoolwork (which is what laptop is supposed to be for) so I know that what he really wants it for is to keep up with other kids...a fashion accessory. The fact that he would dare to ask Dad for one irked me. Why not think of saving one for yourself? Or ask your mother??? We finally agreed that when he "saves" (ie accumulates enough cash in handouts rather than working for it...) enough for half, we'll pay for the other half. But it begs the question: why does a kid in yr 10 need his own laptop? And how long do these things last? (Not long in my mind---so who repairs and do we have to go halvsies on a second laptop for him and for all subsequent kids?? You see where this goes.) More importantly, what is the message that is being sent?? Entitlement culture. I make enough money, but like you, I'm a saver and never want to be in debt. To me, it's about making choices and instilling in kids the work ethic and the saving ethic. Giving in to every teenage fashion whim goes against this,a nd I don't think we're doing my stepson any favours in doing so. I share your resentment...

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