Pregnancy and Fear of Covid

[Amanda87]

So I am currently pregnant, in the very early stages. My DSD's come to my us every weekend and they are back to school. They told me they are not wearing masks at school and they are playing with other kids and all that. Their mother and step father are always out in the weekends when they are with us, clearing not isolating themselves and disrespecting the rules.
Now, how do I deal with all the anxiety that comes knowing that they might catch that and pass it on to us? I have asthma, I know I'm at risk.

I can't tell my husband not to see them, but how can I address that in a way he won't feel I don't want the kids at our place?
Any thoughts?
Thanks!

[Tiredoftattler]

Why not have your husband go with you to your obstetrician and ask your OB about any possible exposure risk during pregnancy? You can then use science and medicine to make appropriate decisions.

[Komersantka]

I really feel for you but I think you should tread carefully. The stress of rows could be worse than the risk of covid if he takes offence (he will or the other parent or the kids). If you have severe morning sickness and complications like I had, you'll need every bit of support you can get.

If the world operated in a sane way,, I would say they shouldn't be coming round. A few weeks missed (or done via zoom) is nothing compared to putting a mother and baby's health at risk.

However, I confidently predict they will all go bananas if you suggest it, and you'll be in early pregnancy faced with a row, nasty text messages and all the rest. I would shield as much as you can and insist upon good routines in the house and let everyone know why (you are at risk with asthma and you are pregnant), but don't say a word about reducing visits.

I would also get the medical advice suggested and that may suggest to all concerned that reduced visits would be wise, at least for the interim.

Wishing you all the best

[MrsTerryPratchett]

OP if they were your children and they went to their dad's every weekend and he wasn't isolating, would you not see them?

There's your answer.

It's really worrying but not preventable unfortunately.

[Amanda87]

They ARE NOT MY CHILDREN.
People have to stop shaming step mothers. They aren't my children and I care about the one that's in my womb right now just like any mother would.
There's no need to make such comparison when that's not the case.

[TriangleBingoBongo]

I am in exactly the same boat. Down to the asthma too! The thing that worries me is that the mixing that goes on in another household is beyond my control. I know they don’t stick to the rules and I like to be in control, especially when it comes to my health. My last pregnancy ended in me being critically ill (ectopic) and I’m now feeling very frightened. Last time I had to suck it up and this time I will too. But it still sucks.

[bogoffmda]

No one is shaming step parents but offering pragmatic advice. This forum has had some very sensible approaches to blended families and some completely ridiculous ones.

Whilst it is possible to ban the DSCs for the next 8 months and then a further 3 because you ahve a new born and expect your DP to see his DCS elsewhere - this is neither practical and will only breed resentment.

How about a sensible discussion with your DP first and see where that goes but accept that whilst they may not be your DCS, they are DCS of your household and family.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

It wasn't meant as shaming! They are your DH's children so that's the comparison, not that they're yours.

Gently, if you are that defensive, I wonder if you feel a bit guilty and that's why you're reacting so strongly. They are children and they need to see their dad. It's important.

[TiptopJ]

I was pregnant earlier this year during the first lockdown and it was frightening time to be pregnant. My stepson is an adult and took lockdown seriously, he stayed home (living with a friend) and only started to visit us from May onwards and even then stayed in the garden. I would have been very anxious if it had been children attending school coming at weekend so I don't blame you for feeling how you do. But like you say you can't keep them away,that wouldn't be right or fair on them or their dad. I think its important to bare in mind that very few pregnant women have been affected world wide, many will have cought it but there have been very few serious cases.
I think you need to talk to your husband about your concerns and talk through what steps you would like to take to keep you and the baby safe. Would it be better to have a visit every 2 weeks instead of every weekend? My thinking here is if a member of their 2nd household starts showing symptoms there would be a larger gap between visits which could reduce your chances of catching it. When they do visit you could exain to them that whilst you care for them very much and are happy to see them again they need to be carefully of touching you too much to protect the baby. Make sure their dad is the one doing things for them ect.

The odds are you'll be absolutely fine, the advice back in March was that it was the 3rd trimester that was considered the most at risk and who knows we may be coming out of this by then anyway if the news about the vaccines are true x

[Tiredoftattler]

Not to beat a dead horse, but the simplest solution is to ask your obstetrician. He is the expert. Have your husband with you when you ask the doctor. You can then relate whatever the physician says to all involved.
No one is likely going to tell you that your physician was mistaken or biased.
You may find that you might even relax a bit when the doctor explains any potential risk to the both of you.

[TiptopJ]

@Milkshake7489

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I've reported your post. This is a board for stepparents to seek either support or constructive advice. Your post does neither. The op said in her opening post that she isn't going to ask her husband not to see his children and how and why she got pregnant are not up for discussion here.