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Normal to prefer non contact days?

(42 Posts)
PlentyOfPeas Sat 10-Oct-20 18:24:21

Does anyone else just prefer non contact days? I feel like the house is calmer and quieter, me and DH get on better etc...

I think now because DSC are getting older and all they really want to do is game or talk to their mates, I just find contact days boring and more of something to just get through than something I look forward to.

I am not horrible, we do get along well but I don't look forward to them coming at all and actually feel the opposite, happier when I know they are going to their mums soon.

OP’s posts: |
Songbird232018 Sat 10-Oct-20 18:50:18

I'm the opposite I struggled when they were younger with noise levels and the levels of attention that 3 younger children demanded. I would often schedule plans with friends or family to get a couple of hours break on weekends etc

Now they are all teen I enjoy it much more with lots more conversations and fun, they can fend for themselves and it feels more like having friends over than children I have to 'look after' even though it still have to clean up 😂

MeridianB Sat 10-Oct-20 19:01:06

I’m confused about the point of contact when teens only emerge for meals but I am sure I’d feel differently if that was my time with my DCs.

To answer your question though, OP, you shouldn’t feel guilty. Your feelings are normal and understandable. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or don’t enjoy seeing them when they are there.

FlorenceNightshade Sat 10-Oct-20 19:04:19

Hell no! Why shouldn’t you prefer your time without someone else’s children around. Your DH however may have a different preference

PlentyOfPeas Sat 10-Oct-20 19:24:20

Sorry to clarify, they aren't teens, well one is nearly. They are 11 and 9

OP’s posts: |
slipperywhensparticus Sat 10-Oct-20 19:27:21

I prefer days when I don't have contact with my ex husband my kids are easier when he isnt around

I mean its not the same thing but he is a child ive never given birth to grin

Elizadoeslittle19 Sat 10-Oct-20 20:35:11

Yep I much prefer non contact days... in fact as my SC are getting older sometimes they ask if they can skip contact. They are able to stay at their mum's on their own for longer periods, or would prefer to go out with their mates, im secretly pleased when this happens. As like you OP, we get along fine most of the time, but the house is definitely quieter and calmer when they're not here. Also I find myself unable to completely relax when they're here.

FoxtrotOscarPoppet Sat 10-Oct-20 22:49:28

Completely prefer non contact days. Like a PP said, why wouldn’t you prefer your time without someone else’s children around?

Mum2Girls19 Sun 11-Oct-20 17:20:26

This is probably the reason why often dads dont see their kids, because the other woman prefers time with the kids
Mine hasnt seen his since March and she says exactly the same thing as OH
Why should I have time with his kids hence why they are always with me because she nags him too much for him to want the ear ache when he has them...
Maybe you should get with someone who doesnt have kids??

Mum2Girls19 Sun 11-Oct-20 17:20:56

without the kids that first sentence was meant to say

TrustTheGeneGenie Sun 11-Oct-20 17:23:52

Mum2Girls19

This is probably the reason why often dads dont see their kids, because the other woman prefers time with the kids
Mine hasnt seen his since March and she says exactly the same thing as OH
Why should I have time with his kids hence why they are always with me because she nags him too much for him to want the ear ache when he has them...
Maybe you should get with someone who doesnt have kids??

Are you a step parent??

Do NOT blame dad's not seeing their kids on the women in their lives. If they wanted to see them, they'd see them.

aSofaNearYou Sun 11-Oct-20 17:35:19

It was only a matter of time before the projecting started.

Stantons Sun 11-Oct-20 17:59:05

Yes definitely prefer non contact days

FlorenceNightshade Sun 11-Oct-20 18:02:51

@Mum2Girls19 maybe your ExDH can’t think for himself but if dads want to see their kids they’ll see their kids.

I never actually expressed it out loud to my DH, maybe he picked up on it but it was a non- issue in our house.

PlentyOfPeas Sun 11-Oct-20 18:03:55

This is probably the reason why often dads dont see their kids, because the other woman prefers time with the kids

Ahhh yes, all those evil other women controlling the minds of weak, poor men. How about blaming your ex for not seeing his own kids?

Fwiw, I'm not the other woman, never have been and my husband sees his children 3 days a week. I have certainly never and would never stop him from seeing them or even suggest or hint that he stops seeing them, nor would he if I did.

Don't blame me because you procreated with a shit 🤷

OP’s posts: |
Tiredoftattler Sun 11-Oct-20 18:40:35

There are quiet days when none of the kids are at home. There are even quieter days when neither the kids nor my husband is home. I don't necessarily prefer those days , but I certainly find ways to enjoy them.

Men or women who don't make time to see their kids or to create alone time with their spouses do so because they do not feel the need to spend more time with their kids or feel a lack of alone time or a need for more time with their spouse. The real question is what is lacking in the person or the relationship that makes this acceptable to the person. He/she may be an indifferent parent or he/she may no longer find alone time with the spouse or partner to be particularly desirable/entertaining or stimulating.

Many women fail to realize that it is their partner/ spouse or ex who is perfectly satisfied with the limited contact or lack of alone time. It is so much easier to blame someone else rather than to spend time accessing the quality of the relationship with the child or with your partner.

There is nothing wrong with relishing quiet time whenever it is available.

KylieKoKo Sun 11-Oct-20 20:01:40

I like it when they're here but also like it when they go home. I think that's normal.

If I ever tried to prevent dp from seeing his kids he'd, quite rightly, tell me to fuck off. @mum2girls19 the problem is your ex, not his partner.

Elizadoeslittle19 Sun 11-Oct-20 22:42:36

No one knows i prefer non contact days... I've never said my SC cannot come. I don't even get involved so much with the times they come, that's between them. I just need to know as I do the meal planning / cooking.

coronasharona Sun 11-Oct-20 22:55:43

Surely the children pick up on the fact that someone in the household is basically waiting to see the back of them like some of you are. Just because you aren't saying it out loud, doesn't mean it's not apparent. Poor children.

Bandia Mon 12-Oct-20 01:36:50

I like both at different times depending on my mood at the time. Generally I like the first hour when they get here and the first hour after they leave the most and equally.

FlorenceNightshade Mon 12-Oct-20 05:14:48

@coronasharona yeah I’m sure they notice the timer ticking down, the eye rolls, foot tapping etc. hmm

Contact days should be focused on the parent, if step parents get involved great but it’s not about them imo

TrustTheGeneGenie Mon 12-Oct-20 10:18:23

coronasharona

Surely the children pick up on the fact that someone in the household is basically waiting to see the back of them like some of you are. Just because you aren't saying it out loud, doesn't mean it's not apparent. Poor children.

Not in my experience.

aSofaNearYou Mon 12-Oct-20 10:26:51

Not in my experience

Nor mine.

PlentyOfPeas Mon 12-Oct-20 10:29:05

coronasharona

Surely the children pick up on the fact that someone in the household is basically waiting to see the back of them like some of you are. Just because you aren't saying it out loud, doesn't mean it's not apparent. Poor children.

I just don't believe the whole 'they'll always know 100% how you privately feel even if you don't show it' stuff.

There is nothing to suggest that the children see any of this, they are happy to come here, happy kids when they are here, get on with me perfectly well, never made to feel awkward or unwanted.

OP’s posts: |
funinthesun19 Mon 12-Oct-20 10:41:31

Surely the children pick up on the fact that someone in the household is basically waiting to see the back of them like some of you are. Just because you aren't saying it out loud, doesn't mean it's not apparent. Poor children

There are a lot of very nice stepparents out there who also enjoy time without the stepchildren there too. I think it’s a very healthy and normal approach to have.

And I don’t actually see anything wrong with a stepparent preferring non contact weekends. It could be the only opportunity they get to have quality time with their own children. It’s not as black and white as just not wanting them around. A stepparent has their own life to be getting on with, and yes non contact days can be precious!

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