OHs son's annoying habit

[Cherryrainbow]

Heya just looking for input if I should keep just letting this go or wwyd?

My OH has a son aged 6 who seems to constantly slurp in some way.

When he eats he chews with his mouth open and slurps all around his cup when he drinks. A few times I've asked him to try and chew with his mouth closed (as it's something I would say to my son who is a bit older than him). I feel awkward and like I don't want to nag - so sometimes I eat at separate times to avoid it. When I had morning sickness the sounds would set me off.

He also slurps around his thumb/fingers all the time which grates on me because

1. He ALWAYS forgets to wash his hands after the toilet (If I know he's gone to the loo I always tell him to go wash them). His lack of hand washing has led to at least 3 different poop incidents that I've had to clean up.
2. He also has long hair which he chews and slurps on as well.
3. Whether it's his hands or hair I can hear the slurping from 2 rooms away it's that loud.
4. I have asked him a few times not to do it but he either ignores me or continues to do it louder and look to see if I'll react so I then ignore it.

It's got to the point where because it's so loud if he is upstairs for example I have to go downstairs to not hear it.

Would you ignore his behaviour and leave his dad to it (who doesnt seem bothered) or would you say something now and then? The thing is with my own son I would say something and tell him not to do those things. I'm having a baby with my OH And know I would do the same with her.

[KylieKoKo]

He's only 6 and it sounds like a comfort thing. Don't most 6 years olds do gross things?

[Daisy12Maisie]

I would tell him for his own good as you cant let him grow up continuing to do that.
I would say to my own children dont do that its disgusting its making me feel sick.

[dontdisturbmenow]

It does the behaviour of an anxious child. The more you tell him not to do it, the more he will if he does it for comfort.

Try to tell someone with OCD that they need to stop washing their hands every few minutes and see that however much they want to, they find it impossible.

You have a 6yo who won't even understand what's happening. I'm sorry to say but you don't across as being very tolerant and make it more about the impact it has on yourself than trying to be supportive of the child who is still little.

[saraclara]

I'd definitely help him to remember to eat with his mouth closed. These things need learning early and six is already a bit late. A ten or adult who says with their mouth open and slurps will be hated or mocked.

On the other hand his doing it all the louder when you say something is disturbing. Have you discussed this with your partner? If you put it in terms of the mouth closed eating being socially important and the hair slurping (especially now) being a germ issue) can you get him onside?

[saraclara]

A teen or adult who eats with their mouth open, even.

[pictish]

He’s 6.

[pictish]

I wonder what habits your son has that your OH finds really annoying?

[FluffyPJs]

As a child my brother always used to eat with his mouth open, making awful noises. Turns out he couldn't breathe when he shut his mouth due to really enlarged adenoids. Once they were removed he was suddenly silent, no gasping or slurping. It was amazing. Maybe your SS has something like this?

[saraclara]

@pictish what do either of your posts have to do with anything?
Anyone who hasn't started to ensure that their child has good eating and social habits by six, is really not doing their parenting properly. The child is at school and will be expected to be eating properly and not slurping their fingers and sucking their hair. He probably already has classmates who think it's disgusting.

And whataboutery has no place here.

[pictish]

If you say so.

[Cherryrainbow]

Thanks ladies for your input, I thought I should just continue with the ignoring it route. Just to clarify a few points:

1. I haven't said anything to his son for about 3/4 months now, As mentioned I now ignore it either by eating separately when I can or leaving the room as I know it's something more that just I find annoying and the way I was raised.
2. The last time I said anything to my OH was regarding the poop incidents to ask him to make sure his son is washing his hands because of where the poop was ending up and cos his son sucks on his fingers so he doesn't get ill.
3. My OH really has no qualms in telling anyone and everyone who annoys him and says it in a far less sensitive way, and wont tolerate stuff like the kids bein too loud, so I know what habits he found annoying about me and my son, so we stopped them. If hes in a mood I generally stay out of his way. It got to a point where he recently apologised to me cos he heard the way another man spoke to his wife and realised that's how he spoke to us.
4. He is nearly 7. I know that his cousin has told him it was gross he could see in his mouth when he was eating, otherwise I don't know if anyone else has said anything.
5. I'm generally a very chilled and tolerant person, and very rarely say if something annoys me as I don't like confrontation or pointless arguments. Again stuff from my own life which I won't go into has generally made me a shut up and put up with it kind of person.

I think i will continue to just ignore it the way I have been. I was somewhat concerned the kids would be wondering why there's one rules/set of habits for one lot and different for the other but it's just the way it will be.

[aSofaNearYou]

I don't think there's anything wrong with reminding him not to do these things tbh. Kids need teaching it's uncouth to do things like eat with their mouth open or pick their nose, it's ridiculous to say it's wrong to say those things to him. I tell my SS not to do those things all the time, and if I don't hear the tap go after he goes to the toilet I tell him to go back and wash his hands, because it's unclean and he will be touching all the things in our shared home. What on Earth is wrong with that? It also doesn't sound very healthy that you feel you can't mention these things, yet your partner is highly critical of you and your son.

[Destroyedpeople]

I agree with that. It's your house why should you have to tolerate such poor table manners? He needs telling. The not handwashing and finger sucking sounds gross t bh. If you help sort this you would be doing him a favour.

[Meneenamenana]

My DP and myself have different standards and different rules on different things - I see a lot on here about having to have consistency and kids will think it’s unfair but I don’t agree - my children are very aware that there are differences, and they live by my rules. I don’t involve myself in addressing any differences or picking his children up on things I pull my own up on.

[Cherryrainbow]

@Meneenamenana thanks for your input. We are going to be having a baby together summer which has made me more conscious of are we going to have rules for "my kid" / "your kid" / "our kid". E.g. the stuff i would tell my son off for I will do the same for our daughter, id expect them both to follow my rules when put that way as i don't see how I would treat my own two kids differently. And in reality im the one who will be spending most time with them too. so where does that leave OH with treating his own kids differently/same as well? Does that mean our daughter has to behave differently depending on who is with her at the time?

[malificent7]

I feel your pain op...sdd does the same. I have kept quiet for now but am amazed that dp and his ec havn't done something about it yet. I guess im just scared of hurting her feelings.

[Sally872]

If it is constant then it sounds like a habit, and likely a comfort/nervous thing.

Gently reminding him to stop might be worth a try but I would not say "stop you are making me feel sick" as someone else suggested.

[BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup]

If you are having a child together you can't ignore. You need to have the same rules for all children in the household.

Tell him gently and politely to stop explaining why and kept doing it.

[EL8888]

I would not put up with any of this from my child or any other child. The hand washing sounds especially problematic. It’s better coming from you, rather than other children teasing him about it.