She spoils every day

(118 Posts)
ailmam Wed 24-Jun-20 08:01:48

There are no set days for when my partner sees his daughter. She only lives round the corner and phones nearly every day to see us. She's 12. We've only been together 6 months and I feel the dating period is over already . I can't relax knowing the phone can go any minute and she'll want to come over. We get on well but I didn't expect it to be like this . I know I should leave the relationship but I love him 😔
He'd never say no to her he's told me that . I have to go don't I 😔

OP’s posts: |
slipperywhensparticus Wed 24-Jun-20 08:02:37

Yes sorry

mistermagpie Wed 24-Jun-20 08:03:13

Yep. At this stage it's no great loss, move on.

Sandybval Wed 24-Jun-20 08:04:36

Yes you do.

EsmeeMerlin Wed 24-Jun-20 08:05:12

So move on, she will always be there.

It’s only been 6 months, life is too short. You’ll get another boyfriend.

Cloverforever Wed 24-Jun-20 08:06:17

You’ve only been together 6 months and you already live together? Why’s everyone in such a rush all the time?

foamrolling Wed 24-Jun-20 08:06:42

So what is different to the dating stage? Presumably he's always had this arrangement with his daughter so what are you doing differently as a couple to have ended the dating stage already at 6 months? If you've moved in with someone who has a child then, yeah, the dating stage will end.


ailmam Wed 24-Jun-20 08:07:54

Weirdly he never saw her this much in the beginning and he reckons it's because she likes me . Like I said we do get in but it's too much too soon

OP’s posts: |
Firstimer703 Wed 24-Jun-20 08:11:03

Basically, if you are going to be with someone that has children, you need to be willing to have the children there anytime or permanently. If you don't want that, you should move on.

chubbyhotchoc Wed 24-Jun-20 08:17:22

I think moving in puts a dampener on dating anyway. Not sure why you did that. Dads who are trying to forge new relationships do need to make equal time for new partners so you could have a chat with him and tell him you're not happy. I'd move out and tell him you want to take things more slowly see what happens from there.

Curious78 Wed 24-Jun-20 08:20:13

Hi OP, do you live with your boyfriend and is that just because of the lockdown or through choice? If you have only been dating 6 months, then that in itself could be too much too soon, particularly when children are involved. Maybe take a step back from that situation rather than leave the relationship altogether and go from there

ailmam Wed 24-Jun-20 08:22:19

Am I expecting too much of him to sometimes say no to her or is that unfair of me ?

OP’s posts: |
MashedSpud Wed 24-Jun-20 08:26:13

It’s unfair and it will also taint his view of you. He’ll think you don’t like her and don’t want her around.

Move out as pp suggested and go from there.

FizzFan Wed 24-Jun-20 08:27:25

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BlueJava Wed 24-Jun-20 08:29:21

I'd also find that difficult OP, so I can understand the problem. However, if you are with him you have to accept his DD. So in your interests and hers you have to move on.

Sandybval Wed 24-Jun-20 08:30:29

It's unfair to essentially make him choose. For what it's worth, you would hope a decent father wouldn't say no to their child coming over (within reason). If it was his mates that were constantly over then yes, I would agree that it is worth talking to him and asking him to prioritise at least most of the time; but his child will always come first (rightly so), so it would be unreasonable. Me ex had a daughter, we got on really well and the relationship ended for other reasons, but the reality was very different from what I imagined, and it can be hard to date someone who already has children. It can also be wonderful, of course, but if you aren't happy with it then it's you who needs to go really, or try and make peace with it'- and genuine peace, not one with simmering resentment underneath.

FizzFan Wed 24-Jun-20 08:30:39

Am I expecting too much of him to sometimes say no to her or is that unfair of me ?

She’s a 12 year old child and she’s entitled to see her dad as often as she wants. His house is more her home than yours. She should certainly be his priority above a casual girlfriend of 6 months. How old are you? You don’t sound mature enough to be in a relationship frankly.

Choice4567 Wed 24-Jun-20 08:30:41

It’s unfair. His DD comes first

Parker231 Wed 24-Jun-20 08:32:40

She’s his DD - always a priority.

FromMarch2020 Wed 24-Jun-20 08:32:49

She may be thinking you are a threat and might take dad away from her - although she might not know that due to lack of emotional maturity - she is just a child.

Or she might like spending time with you / you both and want a family again.

Or both.

You are new and maybe rushed in to live together a bit too quickly. Lay out some ground rules, not after a certain time at night etc - I assume she has a good routine and boundaries? Then you have plenty of time together later?

It can work with compromise - if you date anyone with children then that is important. If you don't think you can do that then move on.

TARSCOUT Wed 24-Jun-20 08:35:19

Yes you have to leave and yes it is unfair to expect him to say no. Also do yourself a favour and don't give this as the reason because that would be truly horrible, sometimes honesty isn't the best policy..I think its actually sad she needs to phone before she comes round.

fandajji Wed 24-Jun-20 08:38:20

Yep leave him. She will always come first and rightly so.

He sounds like he has a fantastic relationship with DD and that's not something every child gets. It's not fair for you to try and sabotage that. You could try and argue that she needs boundaries but you'll forever be fighting this battle.

Also, unless you want a long term casual relationship, good parenting and the dating stage don't really go together (in my experience of course, others may say otherwise).

snitzelvoncrumb Wed 24-Jun-20 08:43:05

I would carefully discuss the topic and see if he would like to set aside one evening a week just for you. I wouldn't push it, just see how he feels. If not then move on, its better to know where you stand now rather than down the track.

Maryfloppins Wed 24-Jun-20 08:43:51

Yes it’s unfair to ask him to say no to his Daughter.
She is his Daughter and should always come first. Any man who chose a partner of 6 months over his Daughter would not be someone I would want to date .

However, I can see it is difficult for you. Dating someone with a child is messy, complicated and stressful. It sounds like it might not be the relationship for you and that’s ok, it’s not for many others either.

GotOutOfBedOnTheWrongSide Wed 24-Jun-20 08:51:11


I can understand why your finding this difficult but this Is all new for your boyfriends daughter. She won't always be coming round so much. I think you do have to accept that dating a guy who has children will always be massively different to dating a guy without children. His daughter will always come first because he is being a good parent.

If this life isn't for you then yes you do need to leave. Its not fair on your boyfriend or his daughter if you continue to string them alog when your not happy.

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in