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Ex wife wanted to enter

(18 Posts)
Anuta77 Sun 21-Jun-20 04:24:17

Sunday is father's day here. I invited my partner's sons (from ex#1) and SD (13) (from ex#2). Her mother never ever brings her here and I was prepared to pick her up, but she told my DP that she's do it on Saturday evening. So she comes at almost 11 pm with her boyfriend and wants to "congratulate my DP with father's day". We are not on good terms, but she's very sweet with him when she wants to. She wasn't even smiling when I asked her if I can pass him a message as he was putting our toddler to sleep.
It was very ackward and happened in front of my SD.
The thing is she was going to pick SD up on Sunday, so I found it weird that she wanted to see him tonight too.
My DP enjoys her "friendship" and I don't know what to expect tomorrow. What if she intrudes on our party as she's friends with ex#1 and the oldest stepsons? What would you do in my place? I don't want to make it too obvious to SD that I don't welcome her mother, but I'm not prepared to tolerate a woman who in my house treats me like an empty space, who according to me takes advantage of my DP and who has complained to my DP about me. Why is she even making all these efforts with my DP 6 years after their separation (only about 6 years together) and after 3 years with this boyfriend with whom things are apparently good?

OP’s posts: |
PatricksRum Sun 21-Jun-20 04:26:32

Come again?
What has she done wrong?

Anuta77 Sun 21-Jun-20 05:54:10

It's not about right or wrong. If you are a man (Patrick?) you might not understand it, but women typically don't enjoy the company of an ex wife who doesn't treat them well, especially when she's making big efforts to suck up to their partner. I don't even mention the late hour...

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Lobsterquadrille2 Sun 21-Jun-20 06:10:47

It's your DP who should be setting boundaries. You say that he "enjoys her friendship" - I assume that you think he's flattered a bit too much by the attention? It's great that you've invited them over - I can't imagine that ex 2 will want to intrude on your party. But 11pm is very late (I would be asleep!) to come round.

lunar1 Sun 21-Jun-20 09:16:49

Is the other child's mum going to be there?

MeridianB Sun 21-Jun-20 12:09:37

She turned up at your house expecting to come in at 11pm?

Firefliess Sun 21-Jun-20 13:06:25

Just make sure you time the party so that is more or less finished by the time she comes to collect DSD.

Anuta77 Sun 21-Jun-20 15:35:26

Turns out that she wanted to give my DP his favorite dessert that she's made for him pretty much alone (SD said that she only helped a bit, but it was mostly her mother and SD does like cooking).

Of course, my DP enjoys sweet messages and gifts. She even congratulates him on our toddler's birthday and recently even bought a gift for him (with the boyfriend!).

My oldest son who's SD's age and who has been in her life for much longer than the toddler never got any congratulations and SD never came to his birthday with a gift. The ex really makes efforts for DP and his children.

OP’s posts: |
Anuta77 Sun 21-Jun-20 15:37:36

Yes, the mother of the older SS will be there because she's the one who owns the car and she has known DP since they were teenagers. She had also made efforts to have a relationship with me and acknowledged my older son.

I'm pretty sure that ex#2 will make sure that she'll come during the party as she knows that I won't say anything in front of other people. angry

OP’s posts: |
Sunnydayshereatlast Sun 21-Jun-20 15:56:18

Way too much drama. Does he enjoy 3 women dancing around him?

AllsortsofAwkward Sun 21-Jun-20 16:43:41

Have you posted about this before? Do you feel threatened by his exs. I also agree he sounds like hes lapping up the attention of 3 women.

Anuta77 Sun 21-Jun-20 16:52:51

What men wouldn't enjoy so much attention? It's just that typical exes are agressive, but "ours" are one nicer than the other and obviously, it's hard for a man to not be sweet with a woman who is sweet with him isn't it. Then if there's any issue and she complains about me, I end up being the bad one. I do not want this woman in my house, but if I tell her so, I'll look bad again.

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GrumpyHoonMain Mon 22-Jun-20 01:10:08

Just ignore her when she’s over. Don’t exchange pleasantaries. Don’t greet her. And if she’s with ex-1 then it’s perfectly okay to ignore her but talk to ex-1 if that’s what you wish.

Splitsunrise Mon 22-Jun-20 01:13:58

“ it's hard for a man to not be sweet with a woman who is sweet with him isn't it. ”

Huh? I think your problems are a little closer to home.....

Smallsteps88 Mon 22-Jun-20 01:28:09

It's just that typical exes are agressive, but "ours" are one nicer than the other and obviously

This is so funny. It sounds like he’s building up a collection of exes. and children.

ArriettyJones Mon 22-Jun-20 02:19:14

Anuta77

What men wouldn't enjoy so much attention? It's just that typical exes are agressive, but "ours" are one nicer than the other and obviously, it's hard for a man to not be sweet with a woman who is sweet with him isn't it. Then if there's any issue and she complains about me, I end up being the bad one. I do not want this woman in my house, but if I tell her so, I'll look bad again.

I think you’re making excuses for him. He needs to be the one to set boundaries.

Can I detect a hint of non-English phrasing in your posting? Are all of you from the same cultural background? If you’re not, that could complicate things (and maybe explain why you make excuses for men).

RedCarBluePlane Mon 22-Jun-20 13:50:30

my dp enjoys her “friendship”
my Dp enjoys sweet messages and gifts
its hard for a man not to be sweet with a woman who is sweet with him
what man wouldn’t enjoy so much attention?
if there’s any issue and she complains about me, I end up being the bad one

I think this ^^ is your problem. It’s not hard for him to be civil but not overly friendly. Maybe he doesn’t see the passive aggressiveness and disrespect to you or maybe he does and doesn’t care.

Anuta77 Mon 22-Jun-20 16:45:49

Yes, I'm not an English speaker and they are all Cubans, but this is not a typical Cuban setup. Her arse-kissing behaviour is her choice, I think she just does it to annoy me, but instead of using agression (which doesn't work with my DP), she uses flattery. I think I did manage making her feel unwelcomed when she was over at 11 pm without my SD noticing and looks like she got the message and didn't show up to pick her up on Sunday.

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