I know I'm being unreasonable but...

(4 Posts)
MyBabyIsAFurBaby Wed 10-Jun-20 09:36:25

My DSD8 rang my DP yesterday, just before her bedtime at 7pm, to say she didn't want to be picked up today. There were some strange reasons to do with needing to get her schoolwork done so she can meet her new puppy (DP is the parent making her do school work, so not sure why she wouldn't come here to do it, but that's by-the-by). DP told her it was her decision, that obviously he'd like to see her, but he understood. By the end of the call, she had changed her mind and wanted to see DP.

45 minutes later, she calls again to say she's been worrying about it and doesn't want to see him (same reasons as before). He told her it was fine and that he'd see her at the weekend.

I will readily admit I was a little relieved. She has been quite hard work recently and I get Wednesdays off from work to study, so I was looking forward to being able to study in silence (without the constant battle of schoolwork in the background!).

This morning, half an hour before DP would be due to collect her, he's been asked to pick her up.

I know it is totally unreasonable, but I am feeling deflated. Our weekends always have one DSC, and whilst my DP is furloughed at the moment, I'm at work in a very busy job. The thought that I might have had today to just study and then relax with my DP had been quite exciting.

I know his daughter should be able to come, and that I'm unreasonable for feeling this way. I struggle with 'getting my hopes up' and then feeling really let down when something doesn't happen (even a day to study haha!).

I just needed to get my feelings off my chest, sorry!

OP’s posts: |
Magda72 Wed 10-Jun-20 10:02:36

Op that would drive me nuts too, & did in the past when it was exh switching plans around. I totally get it as it's really hard to plan even getting your head space sorted out for stuff like study when chopping and changing is going on.
If it's a once off I wouldn't sweat it but if it starts becoming a habit I'd talk to dp about being more firm re set days/times.
I had to argue with exh for months but he eventually got it.
My last two are 14 & 18 now & spend eow with him (to give me some time to myself) but they arrange their midweek time with him themselves now they are older. 8 is still a little young (imo) to be deciding contact.
I'll also add that maybe dsd is a little anxious being back at school (I think everyone is anxious at the minute) so it would be good for dp to try to get to the bottom of why she didn't want to come.

MeridianB Wed 10-Jun-20 10:21:53

Why is he negotiating contact with an 8yo?

He needs to speak to her mum and stick to set times as much as possible.

MyBabyIsAFurBaby Wed 10-Jun-20 10:52:21

@Magda72 Thank you for your support, I was worried I was going to get a lot of backlash! You're right, it is so hard to sort your headspace out when things get swapped about last minute. I've now mentioned to my DP that I don't want all the changing of minds- if she has said she doesn't want to come, that's fine but then that needs to be it, otherwise I can't get anything organised.

@MeridianB Although I couldn't hear the words, I could hear her Mum in the call too. She doesn't normally get to change contact- conversations are usually between the parents. But when her Mum is disagreeing with DSD, she tends to give up and let DSD have her way.

OP’s posts: |

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in