Am i being unreasonable?

(36 Posts)
OneAwesomeMum Wed 27-May-20 18:00:47

I'm not entirely sure if this is the right group to post this but all opinions are greatly received!

My partner is about to set up as self employed and has asked his daughter to do his accounts for him. She is 19 and in her 1st year at uni studying Business.

We have been together for nearly 2 years and don't currently live together but we have discussed moving in together potentially by the end of this year. We have discussed that monies would be 'ours' and not his and mine, which I am fine with. However what concerns me is that his daughter will know the ins and outs of his finances, which I'm not too keen on. I have always had a tight grip on my own finances and have never shared these with any outside family other than my partner. Am i being unreasonable to want to keep his daughter out of any money matters whether it be business or personal between myself and my partner?

I also don't feel, even though she is studying Business at uni that she has enough background or knowledge to point my partner in the right direction to profit his business. Am i wrong to think that she will just see pound signs and not the true profit within the business?

Should I express my views or keep my mouth shut hmm

OP’s posts: |
AIMD Wed 27-May-20 18:11:28

I think yabu to expect him to keep his finances private from his daughter if they are currently happy to share that information. I’m open with my family about finances as they are with me. Some families are open regarding money but others aren’t. If financial privacy is important to you it would be fair and reasonable to discuss this with him before you share finances but you can’t expect him to change how he interacts/shares information with his daughter if he doesn’t want to.

The issue with his business and her experience is surely a separate one for you to discuss. Again though if it’s his business and his daughter it will be for him to decide. I know many people who manage simple businesses without too much experience.

Your post comes across as though you distrust her? Is there other stuff happening that makes you not want to have her involved in the finances?

noyoucannotcomein Wed 27-May-20 18:16:29

Surely he'll have a separate business account and that's what she'll have access to? You keep away from that and she won't know anything of your finances?

Bandia Wed 27-May-20 18:20:12

Are you financing the business?

I'm self employed. My business and business accounts have nothing to do with my partner. Who I chose to do my accounts is absolutely none of his business. If you're providing startup money, or are a part owner of the business, then it would be different.

I would imagine that your partner will have a separate business account from his regular account as I do. If you're really concerned about other people knowing your finances, set up a joint account for both of you when you move in together and keep it separate from his business.

MeridianB Wed 27-May-20 18:55:00

Will she simply be managing his accounts for tax? That is relatively simple although it comes with responsibility. If he is relying on her to give him business advice to make it a success then you could have bigger problems ahead!

MrsOfBebbanburg Wed 27-May-20 18:58:22

If she is managing his business accounts she’ll have no access to your personal finances. Why would she? His business finances should be kept separate from his personal finances.

TiptopJ Wed 27-May-20 19:30:59

I agree with the other posters. If it's only his business accounts that she will be looking at I think that's his decision alone and he has the right to appoint whoever he wants to deal with them. Your combined family accounts are different and if you go ahead and merge them thats when you get a say on who can look at them.


AllsortsofAwkward Wed 27-May-20 19:35:45

His business wo9nt have any bearing on you're joint income.

NorthernSpirit Thu 28-May-20 08:39:02

God this is weird.

Why would you want your 19 YO daughter knowing the in and outs of your finances?

A business degree is not the right degree to manage business finances - you require a management account + a tax accountant to file the statutory accounts with HMRC.

MrsOfBebbanburg Thu 28-May-20 09:44:52

Why would you want your 19 YO daughter knowing the in and outs of your finances?

I don’t think he specifically wants to share the ins and outs of his finances with his daughter. I think he wants someone to handle his business accounts and his daughter seems to him like a capable and suitable person to do it. Not sure what you’re finding weird about it. Depending on his line of work his accounts mightn’t be that complicated at all so no need to pay for qualified accountants.

NorthernSpirit Thu 28-May-20 10:14:54


I run my own business - it’s an absolute minefield running a businesses accounts.

The 19 YO will for example have to:

Track expenses
Develop a bookkeeping system
Set up a payroll and action
File vat returns as required
Determine tax obligations

A 19 YO doing a business degree (which I have) will not have the skills to manage a businesses accounts (I run my own business).

Get yourself an accountants system and a decent qualified accountant who can advise on tax. The cost will pay back.

My business partner is a qualified management accountant (who manages our finances) but not a tax accountant - we pay for that service and it’s invaluable.

MrsOfBebbanburg Thu 28-May-20 10:22:41

And like I said, depending on his (not yours) line of work, his accounts mightn’t be that complicated.

I also run my own business. And do my own accounts. Without any degree.

tisonlymeagain Thu 28-May-20 11:01:46

Accounts aren't always difficult. I used to do them for an SME without any qualifications.

I would have no objections to his daughter doing his accounts but there's no way I would want her knowing any of my own financial details. But you should be able to keep those separate.

Magda72 Thu 28-May-20 12:48:33

I'm with @NorthernSpirit - I'm self employed & would not be without my professional accountant. I manage the day to day myself but it's very time consuming.
I also wouldn't have my child do my finances no matter how capable they were as I personally think never mix business with pleasure & my kids are my pleasure.
All that being said OP you can't stop him employing his dd to do this. If you are uncomfortable having your finances under scrutiny (& you may well depending on how your dp is planning on paying himself & how you both are planning on handling tax issues) then I would suggest you just keep finances separate moving forward.

spotlighton Thu 28-May-20 19:24:22

The small business I work for has had several people doing the accounts during the years I have worked there.
None of them realised as they were happily working away in the books that their replacement would think the books were in a nightmare mess (the boss didn't have a clue and trusted the bookkeeper/accountant).

It does make the rest of us laugh...we would never keep our jobs if we messed up so regularly, but the bookeeper/accountant does because none of the rest of us check their work.

Luckily a firm do the VAT for us....otherwise my boss would really be in trouble!

Epigram Thu 28-May-20 20:20:05

OP, in your shoes I would backtrack and say that, on thinking it over, you'd prefer to keep your finances separate for the first year or two after moving in. That way this needn't be your problem, either in terms of the privacy issue or in terms of the affect on you if your partner makes poor financial decisions. Do you have DC of your own?

OneAwesomeMum Fri 29-May-20 19:11:29

@Epigram yes I do have 2 boys of my own, not with my current partner though.

Thank you for everyone's input. I think hearing other people's views has helped. Always good to get a different perspective.

Obviously I know I can't, and wouldn't stop him using his daughter to run his accounts. Rightly or wrongly I'll just stay out of it. But I think @Magda72, I will take heed on your advice and suggest to keep his and my finances separate. No problems should arise then!

OP’s posts: |
Epigram Fri 29-May-20 21:10:24

That sounds sensible OP. When you have DC from a previous relationship, you have to be extra careful when joining finances with someone else.

Zodiacsunshine Fri 29-May-20 21:17:08

Keep finances separate or mixed money in an account she won’t have access too.

Choose your words very wisely! And say NADA about her not having enough knowledge to point his business in the right direction 😬

Thisbastardcomputer Fri 29-May-20 21:24:35

She won't have the experience needed to do the accounts.

Spillinteas Fri 29-May-20 21:28:27


She won't have the experience needed to do the accounts.

The accountancy software you can get now is pretty idiot proof

MrsOfBebbanburg Fri 29-May-20 21:30:43

She won't have the experience needed to do the accounts.

Without seeing his accounts you can’t possibly know this.

GrumpyHoonMain Fri 29-May-20 21:32:40

I was running my uncle’s business accounts when I was 15. Keeping the books, managing invoices / purchases, filing accounts is not a difficult job just a labourious one.

MotherofTerriers Fri 29-May-20 21:33:45

I have a professional accountant who does my tax returns, but my daughter does my bookkeeping, invoicing etc and is perfectly capable of doing so, its really not difficult
I'd rather trust her with it than a stranger

burnoutbabe Fri 29-May-20 21:35:36

He really needs a proper accountant to save him money doing his tax return.
I mean she cab probably do his books and track bank payments to receipts and issue invoices but stuff like vat returns are important to get correct or face oenalties.
Is she really serious about wanting to do it each month properly?

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