Why is being a new step mum so hard?

(10 Posts)
Hettie25677 Fri 08-May-20 13:21:35

That's all really. Positive only please x

OP’s posts: |
Giespeace Fri 08-May-20 13:25:59

Because if you want rainbows you need to take some rain?

Stantons Fri 08-May-20 13:57:37

Why? How long have you got!

It will vary from situation to situation. Being a bio parent is hard and you have the biology to keep you going step parents don't. Add into that a host of other issues and it's emotional turmoil waiting to happen.

In my case a stereotypical crazy ex in the back ground, different ideas of good behaviour between me and OH and a shit stirring MIL and it's all v difficult

RonSwansonIsBuff Fri 08-May-20 14:38:55

It totally depends on your individual situation I think OP.

I personally have never found it that difficult but I've been extremely fortunate that DHs ex is nice and we get on, she's never caused issue and as a result I've never had problems with the children accepting me. We got on the first time we met and it just rolled on from there.

But I see so many on here struggling with useless partners and nightmare exes, kids being rude, thinking they don't have to be kind or pleasant to their parents partner etc... It really is so different for everyone.

I don't think I could have stayed if I'd had any of those problems.

Don't get me wrong, there's been hardships but none of them have been because of anyone in particular, just life throwing us some curve balls!

TheMotherofAllDilemmas Fri 08-May-20 16:41:11

It s not always hard but I have found out that when it was a breeze it was because my partner, his exW and myself had very similar parenting styles. We were also nice to each other and there were no dramas due to unresolved issues.

Now, current set up is the complete oposite and it is absolute hell.

Songbird232018 Fri 08-May-20 20:08:56

What are you finding hard? I think its tricky because one aspect that I struggle with another step parent will find absolutely fine then something that another finds hard I dont even think about. X

NorthernSpirit Fri 08-May-20 22:22:33

I’ve been a DSM for 5 years. I wouldn’t go it again given the choice.

I’m sure bring a bio, birth, natural (or whatever the term is) can be challenging at times but as parents you have unconditional love to get you over the hard times.

In my case there’s a bar shit crazy controlling ex on a mission to alienate the father and myself. Add to this a moody hormonal 14 year old girl who doesn’t want to be disloyal to her mum.

It’s difficult.


FirstTimeMum54321 Sat 09-May-20 09:53:42

Northern Spirit I think you're me!

If I had my time again I'd walk away. There was a very specific event for me that occurred about 10 months into my relationship. It was a massive red flag for me and I wish I'd ended it then. I stayed because I wanted it to work out and I thought I could get over it. I never have six years later and that event has been repeated over and over again (in different ways).

It never gets easier, if you have the choice, leave.

NailsNeedDoing Sat 09-May-20 09:57:17

Because you’re expected to bend over backwards to put the children first, at the same time as having very little input into anything to do with the children or the co parenting relationship your partner has with his ex. You make all the compromise and only get a little of the benefit if you’re lucky.

Techway Sat 09-May-20 10:35:40

If the separated parents don't get on it creates enormous issues as you are trying to build a family that it built on an earthquake, rather than firm ground. The potential for eruptions is constant and very little can thrive.

If your partner and Ex don't get on or have no respect for each other how can the children function effectively. I would never again get involved with a man who has a poor relationship with the Ex, doesn't matter if she appears to be the problem. You are signing up to drama and toxicity that isn't worth it

I wish I had known

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