Talk

Advanced search

Would you find this weird?

(11 Posts)
JumanjiY Mon 04-May-20 11:48:00

Married to DH for a number of years, good relationships all round in the most part.

DH and Ex still have disagreements and aren't each others biggest fans but they co parent okay. I get on with his ex fine too.

DHs ex is very.... Competitive? She likes to show off basically. It comes across as quite confrontational sometimes though.

For example, she likes the gym. If she achieves anything fitness wise, she will tell us all about it, send pictures of the amount of calories burnt, distance ran etc... my DH joined a gym a few months ago and the SC must have told her as we were talking about it. Cue lots and lots of questioning at next pick up and sarcastic comments about 'since when was he into getting fit' and laughing. It was just a bit awkward tbh...

It's the same with other things. Like when she bought her house, pictures and comments about how well she'd done, telling us the kids say the room is bigger at hers, when are we going to move, do we not have enough money yet or something? Intrusive questioning basically. She's done similar when I was in hospital, why was I there? What for? Why didn't we tell her first?

Aibu to just find this a bit weird from a grown woman? Surely you would realise you're doing it? The strangest part for me is DH very very rarely replies to any of these things. She's literally sent him pictures of herself doing runs and stuff like 'did it in X time' and then a selfie in running gear, and he just ignores it.

I know it sounds like she could possibly be trying to come between us, but from knowing her I really don't get the impression from her that she is still interested in him romantically (and she's got a partner herself which seems to be going well), it really does seem to be more of a 'I want you to know how much better I am than you' kind of thing if that makes sense? It comes across as very nasty when she's doing it as there's a lot of sarcasm and laughing involved, but I don't know if she intends it to be. DH said she used to put him down about stuff all the time so he just ignores it now but I do find it odd.

OP’s posts: |
humanvision123 Mon 04-May-20 12:47:45

Sounds like your DH is exceptionally good at dealing with this kind of behaviour. Ignoring it the only way and he know that. You are lucky to have a mature and emotionally healthy husband.

I believe you can see why she is an ex? She doesn't sound like emotionally grown up. I have sister in law like that. We all have someone like her in our friends circle.
But most of us don't have such a good husband like you seems to have.
I feel happy for you!

Mumski45 Mon 04-May-20 12:57:29

To be honest it sounds to me like she is a bit jealous and insecure if she is constantly trying to big herself up and put others down.

Anotherdayinmumlife Mon 04-May-20 14:36:00

Agree with the above poster. Classic signs of insecurity from her side

slipperywhensparticus Mon 04-May-20 14:46:09

She sounds insecure like my ex husband he cant beat his 11 year old on fortnite so he suddenly has "internet issues" (they can play long distance) and he goes "offline"

He will only play games he can win

Sickandscared Mon 04-May-20 21:21:44

She just sounds a bit pathetic. Your dh is right to ignore it all. It would grate on my nerves though. I'd probably be a bit of cow tbh

When she does something as innocuous as walk up the driveway laugh and say "do you want me to film that so you can send it around to everyone hhahahhahaha"

And when she makes snide comments about your house say "why are you saying that?" Or "that's an odd remark to make" always with a smile on your face.

Similarly when she asks you uncomfortable questions "what a strange question..."

Basically don't let her drag you into conversations or explanations on anything you don't want to. Keep turning things back on her.

She will find that she does not explaining herself at all and I bet if you are consistent with this approach that she will stop altogether.

SandyY2K Tue 05-May-20 10:33:58

It's insecurity, jealousy and a lack of maturity.

Just ignore her...when she shows her calories burnt.. response "Well done you. Keep it up" ..Or simply ignore.

Any intrusive questions, should be ignored. Don't give a response...just smile and ignore.

noyoucannotcomein Tue 05-May-20 10:52:31

She sounds unbearable.

When she shows her burnt calories, I'd be tempted to reply "Excellent progress! Nearly there!"

ArriettyJones Tue 05-May-20 10:55:25

The strangest part for me is DH very very rarely replies to any of these things. She's literally sent him pictures of herself doing runs and stuff like 'did it in X time' and then a selfie in running gear, and he just ignores it.

Perfect way to deal with her. You have a very sensible DH.

Don’t even waste time trying to analyse or understand her behaviour. Just blank it entirely.

Hairdowntohisknees Tue 05-May-20 10:55:40

Sounds like she wants him to know she's doing better without him.

HeckyPeck Wed 06-May-20 21:23:10

When she shows her burnt calories, I'd be tempted to reply "Excellent progress! Nearly there!"

🤣

Agree with PPs that ignoring is the best way. If she asks inappropriate or personal questions to you face I’d just say something like “oh I don’t want to talk about that, it’s not very interesting.” Then change the subject to something innocuous like the weather.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »