How much does your partner help with your child

(8 Posts)
Netnewbie5 Sun 12-Apr-20 22:49:11

To those who have children and are with another partner (not the children's biological dad) and are living together.. How much does your partner contribute towards your child/children? How much does he help financially and just basically help you out with day to day stuff in regards to your child?

OP’s posts: |
OoooImBlindedByTheLight Mon 13-Apr-20 10:43:36

My DP helps as in if they want a drink or snack he’ll make them one if they ask him, he’ll tidy up and in general which includes mess my DCs have made, and he contributes more to our household than I do right now as he earns more but all our money goes into a joint account so it’s not really seen as his or my money, but “ours”.

Other than that I do everything for my DCs, all their washing, changing their beds, bath time, making packed lunches, taking them to the hairdresser / doctor / dentist. I look after them on a practical level and do expect him to do these sorts of things.
However, he tends to look after me whilst I’m busy doing these things e.g. whilst I’m getting my youngest to bed he’ll start cooking the dinner for me or he’ll finish off whatever jobs need doing around the house.

He also has 2 DCs and when they’re here the roles are reversed and he does all their practical parenting and I’m just floating about if the kids need an extra helping hand.

It works for us. I like doing the main parenting things for my kids and he does for his, but we’ll always help each other it if needed

OoooImBlindedByTheLight Mon 13-Apr-20 10:44:40

sorry I meant to say I look after my DCs on a practical level and don’t expect him to do these sorts of things

tiedy Mon 13-Apr-20 10:55:18

I've been with my husband since DS1 was 15 months old. When we first moved in together child related costs came out of the household budget. DH earned more than me back then and we contributed proportionately to household costs. So he was effectively paying more than me towards DS1's childcare, baby clothes, swimming lessons etc. He also changed nappies, fed him, bathed him etc. as needed

Annaminna Mon 13-Apr-20 19:44:04

We are paying 50/50 our household bills; one bedroom for his children, another one for mine.
He pays all essentials and shopping related to his children and I am paying what is needed for my kids.
Our salaries are equal.

Annaminna Tue 14-Apr-20 11:29:36

About day-to-day stuff. There is no right or wrong way. Main thing is, please do not expect some kind of input from him compared with your friends experiences. Expectation will lead you to disappointment.
Every family is unique and you have to find your way. Important indicator is that you both are happy. If one or both of you feels like things are not right/balanced you can not form a happy unit.
I really like #OoooImBlindedByTheLight reply.

NewLevelsOfTiredness Thu 16-Apr-20 13:19:55

I'm the stepdad and I try and do 50/50 where possible. I try and do 'visible' tasks such as tidying up after dinner, folding laundry etc. because their dad didn't do any of it and I don't want them believing it's the woman's job.

They were 2 & 6 when I moved in, 5 & 9 now.

Financially I contribute slightly more to the joint household account. At first she suggested I don't pay towards the kid's stuff, but I pointed out that it would just mean I had a bunch of spare money that I'd end up using on them indirectly anyway.

What I can't take 50/50 of is the mental load. I don't have any legal responsibility so can't do much on that side (although the kindergarten gave me a login off their own back when they saw how much I was dropping off and collecting the little one, and more importantly how totally cool she was with it.)

We do tend to discuss decisions though, the dad is cool with it and there's a general understanding that my opinion matters but in an advisory way, rather than a casting vote, if that makes sense?

It works for us. The kids are with us for 12 days out of 14 so there was no point in going in half arsed.

I should mention, regarding household stuff - when I started seeing their mum she made it clear what she expected, even though much of it wasn't technically my responsibility. Because she needed the girls to see how an equal relationship should work. I was welcome to walk away at that point if it was too much.

The girls themselves have been fantastic about since day 1. They're awesome.


Frankola Thu 16-Apr-20 19:15:32

I'm a step mum and when my SD is here with us it's very much 50/50 between my DH and I. I also pay for 50% when shes here. I enjoy being an active part of her life

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