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Stop my h seeing his daughter

(66 Posts)
lovemylifq Tue 31-Mar-20 13:04:54

Hi just after advice my partner has a 5 year old who stays with us two nights a week now me and my partner have just had a new born now 4 weeks old I'm worried that sd will be due to come stay at ours as her mother hasn't been staying at home. What shall I do? I'm so worried I'm losing sleep. Do I say we cant Have ds until lockdown is over

miccymaccy Tue 31-Mar-20 13:11:08

How awful for your step child, how can you consider that?

lovemylifq Tue 31-Mar-20 13:12:32

Emm excuse me I'm not being horrible I'm just worried for the safety of my new born baby especially being a bee mum.

Greysparkles Tue 31-Mar-20 13:15:30

Well technically I haven't been staying home either, what with going food shopping and talking my feral children for walks, and doing care duties for an older relative.... Can I stop seeing my kids for a bit?

You're being OTT. Just don't let SD slobber all over the baby.
I can't imagine how hard it would be for a 5 year old to be abandoned in this way. Especially when they are probably feeling vulnerable already due to new baby

Maxhiggins Tue 31-Mar-20 13:24:13

OP you are not being unreasonable, it's extra non essential people. Have you talked to your OH? What does he think? MN is never the place for step parent sympathy just fyi

yikesanotherbooboo Tue 31-Mar-20 13:30:13

I'm in no way anti stepmother but you are a family and with a new baby and all the disruption of normal routine it is more important than ever that your DSD is supported and not excluded from normal family life. Your baby is at very low risk ( negligible) if harm coming to them from Covid 19 in any case .

whoonearthknows876152 Tue 31-Mar-20 13:31:51

however I think it would be detrimental to your SD mental health if she was forbidden from seeing her Dad during this Lockdown. Given it could go on for months and months.
How do you know her mum has been going out? I’m sure she will be just as concerned for her daughter as you are for your baby.

CV is actually more common in older children stats say for a bit of reassurance.

Practice good hygiene and washing her hands.
Also surely you’ve been outside? To the shop? For a walk? Probably exactly what your DSD mum has too

Starlight1243 Tue 31-Mar-20 13:32:44

I wondered if some step.moms would use the virus to try and push existing dc out. You're newborn is minimal risk. Contact should be as normal in accordance to government guidelines.

Maxhiggins Tue 31-Mar-20 13:37:39

@starlight1243 that's not the case at all. The child doesn't live there, OP has had no control over where they have been or what they have been doing. In any other situation you wouldn't invite someone into your home, once again step parents have to suck it up, this time at the potential risk of their own health

Starlight1243 Tue 31-Mar-20 13:40:17

Governments guidelines clearly state contact between households should take place as normal, how on earth would she know what the mother has been up to? I dont know what goes on in my exams household.

lovemylifq Tue 31-Mar-20 13:41:17

I definitely do not want to push ds I have been with her dad since she was a new born so it would hurt me not seeing her as much as it would him, I know he mother hasn't kept to the rules as my mum lives close by and my mum is a NHS worker she drives past the house daily her car is put most days and her boyfriend's car is there every couple of days

Starlight1243 Tue 31-Mar-20 13:42:41

She might be bloody at work if shes working for the NHS or getting groceries, electric etc.

MzHz Tue 31-Mar-20 13:44:51

I think your dp DOES have to satisfy himself that his dd isn’t being put at risk of carrying the virus, yes.

Assuming she has not been exposed to cv, there wouldn’t appear to be any sufficient reason to stop her coming over.

She will have to make sure that hands are washed, before and after pretty much anything she does, and her dad will need to make sure that he cleans up after her, her toys etc

Put this on her dad. Make sure he makes this as safe an arrangement as possible

MzHz Tue 31-Mar-20 13:47:00

Ultimately if the mother isn’t observing guidelines then perhaps his daughter should isolate with her dad and you?

Greysparkles Tue 31-Mar-20 13:48:15

it's extra non essential people

His child is a non essential person. Wtf.

dontdisturbmenow Tue 31-Mar-20 13:48:49

Why would your mum be spying on her unless you'd asked her to?

What does you OH say on this matter?

Greeniac Tue 31-Mar-20 13:50:35

Wow. Your step child is your partners child as much as your newborn is. How would you feel if someone behaved like this about your baby? Of course the child should still come to see their dad.

Starlight1243 Tue 31-Mar-20 13:51:48

I think its creepy AF you've got you're mother spying on her. You should be working with her when my DS2 started with a cough we had to self isolate. My DS1 had been to his dads on the Sunday and went to school, he had him for the 2 weeks so he could still go to school before the isolation. He even dropped some stuff off for us. Contact will go one week off one week off but I would never exclude ds from seeing his df and I certainly dont know the ins and outs of their household.

lovemylifq Tue 31-Mar-20 13:55:57

@starlight1234 god do you want a obe for being the perfect person/step mother... I was simply asking what the best thing to do it I do not want to exclude sd just want safety for everyone especially as my little boy spent a couple of days in special care

twinkletits99 Tue 31-Mar-20 14:00:35

it's extra non-essential people

Ffs

TiptopJ Tue 31-Mar-20 14:04:33

Hey Op, go and have a look at the many other threads, usually found in parenting or AIBU where the resident parent (mother) has expressed concern about children moving between houses. The general advice for the OPs there is that its sensible for children to stay at one household whilst we ride this out. Do regular facetime and phone calls etc.

MothTo Tue 31-Mar-20 14:37:45

This thread is so contradictory to the many many many others I've seen on this subject. Mums are being told all over Mumsnet to keep their children with them, don't let them see dad, he'll just have to do with facetime etc... Suddenly the rules are different when it's a step mother asking hmm

twinkletits99 Tue 31-Mar-20 14:59:22

@mothto I've only just joined Mumsnet. Haven't seen or commented on any of the other threads and still stick by the fact that contact (in my opinion) should happen unless someone in the house is being shielded

Qwertygert Tue 31-Mar-20 15:04:55

@MothTo i agree. I read everywhere abiut NRP being told to cope without kids as it is not essential to see them and now the SP is concerned she needs to suck it up? Ha this place is unreal

OP sit down and talk it through with DH and see what he says. I do think the risk is minimal but then the death count is increasing so god knows!

Mintjulia Tue 31-Mar-20 15:10:16

To be honest, you married a man who already has a child. His two children are of equal importance to him., and you need to accept that.
If you try to stop him seeing his child, you could damage your relationship beyond repair.
I understand you are feeling very protective at the moment but the other child is part of your family too.

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