Mother using lockdown to stop kids from seeing dad

[Helmlover1]

So my partner’s kids (aged 14 and 17) have been told by their mother that because my partner is a key worker and still going to work they are not allowed to come round. My partner has tried to explain to them that even during lockdown kids of separated parents are still allowed to visit the non resident parent but they are still choosing to believe their mother, who incidentally has used every excuse in the book over the years to stop the kids from seeing their dad, so I feel she will be rubbing her hands in glee over this situation.

Is there anything we can actually do?

[GreenTulips]

I think she’s being very sensible

Face time them.

It’s not an excuse it’s real.

[RaeCJ82]

I would be doing the same in this situation too.

[PheasantPlucker1]

Why would he want to put them at risk?

Many keyworkers are in the same situation and not seeing their children. Its hard, but worth it to try and keep them safe.

[Chiyo666]

Most people I know are doing this. Key workers are coming into contact with potentially vulnerable people everyday. It’s not worth the kids making him sick or him making them sick.

[Qwertygert]

I think people forget there are children living with keyworkers full time! There are kids going to school currently so these key workers can continue to work! At 14 and 17 the kids are old enough to say no if they want to come.

If the RP was a key worker nobody would be saying to let the NRP have the child full time. People need to get a grip!

I feel for you. My DD is 50/50 i can work from home. Her dad cannot. I won't be stopping access because that is not my right. Her dad is following the safety advice. My DH is a key worker too. Would I want to ship him off the exH house for 12 weeks to 'protect me and DD' of course. My rational mind knows this is not an option. We are not high risk. We follow the rules and protect others.

So many RP are horrid!

[Honeyroar]

The kids will have less chance of catching it if they can stay locked down at one house. I can understand the anguish for the parent not living with them (I’m a stepmum) but this is one battle we’d definitely drop for s the sake of everyone involved’s health. You need to phone and Skype etc. I think the government was a bit silly encouraging people to still shunt kids backwards and forwards.

[Helmlover1]

When I say ‘key worker’ he simply works in an office environment so is not coming into contact with vulnerable people, he just falls under the key worker category.

I don’t know, the government says they are allowed but I suppose there is no way it can really be enforced.

[TheHarryFormerlyKnownAsPrince]

Sorry. If my children’s dad was a key worker I would keep them here. And if I was a key worker I would send them there.

[Isadora2007]

They can decide for themselves at that age surely?

[GaraMedouar]

It's being sensible.

My DS , 16 , is not seeing his dad at the moment, as he needs to get a couple of trains to get there. His dad is fine about it (and normally is arsey about everything and anything).

My DD is not seeing her dad either , he lives quite close but is still working , they are Facetiming. These are extreme circumstances.

I am popping to the shops, we are occasionally going out for a quick march around the streets keeping our distance but that's it.

[HelenaHyena]

If the RP was a key worker nobody would be saying to let the NRP have the child full time. People need to get a grip!

Why not? Seems reasonable to me.

[LucyMaxwell22]

My daughters aren’t seeing their dad as his partner who he lives with is a nurse. He understands this. Why on earth would I want my children being exposed? ATM they aren’t exposed to anyone other than me as they are old enough to stay at home alone when I go shopping.

I, however, have never stopped my children from seeing their father. In your situation it may seem like a continuation of game playing, but with these unprecedented circumstances, I think you need to accept that she is putting the well-being of her children first.

[OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe]

14 & 17 can make up their own minds. They’re quite right.

[GaraMedouar]

By the way, both the dad's think it's the best thing at the moment and are quite happy with this for the time being, DD's dad assumed he'd not be seeing her before I even said anything.

[SharpieInThe]

If the RP was a key worker nobody would be saying to let the NRP have the child full time. People need to get a grip!

A friend has done just that. She's a medical professional. She'd rather miss them now and protect them.

[HillAreas]

I can’t see my dad just now either 🤷‍♀️

[Eleanorrrelephant]

I think you need to get a bit of perspective. There’s a reason why the kids can’t see their dad.
It’s a shame but it’s much better that households don’t mix. FaceTime them.

[Eleanorrrelephant]

If the RP was a key worker nobody would be saying to let the NRP have the child full time
They would. Plenty of people have done this. It’s for the safety of all parties

[CoronaIsShit]

Sorry but I wouldn’t allow my DC to potentially infect me and bring infection into my household from yours either, in your DH’s ex’s position. It wouldn’t be their decision either!

[MysteryFrog]

not coming into contact with vulnerable people that’s not really relevant in this situation, doesn’t stop him from catching it and passing it on to the kids

[Joyfulnhs324]

My dh is still having to go to work. One of my dc is in the vulnerable category but the others are not. My dh is moving out of our house when he's back in work next week to keep our dc safe and stop the risk of him bringing the virus home. It's hard for us all but is for the best for our children. So many key workers are moving out of the family home to keep their families safe. So I can totally see where the kids mother is coming from. She's just doing the best to keep her children safe.

[Qwertygert]

If the RP was a key worker nobody would be saying to let the NRP have the child full time. People need to get a grip!

You would think but there are numerous NRP who are not key workers not getting full care of kids or even access to them as some RP are using this to keep the kids to themselves. Plus a key worker is not always someone on the fronline. I agree direct contact with patients is very different to working in a bank or back office. We are on lockdown to protect the vulnerable people and to reduce the spread exponentially. Children seeing one extra person is very different. You have the same chance in adsa if not more than sitting in an office.

[Qwertygert]

I think there needs to be some common sense involved too. If you live locally and it is safe to share them that is one thing. If you need a long journey then it is less s possible. We have two SC one lives local and we are still having them as usual. The other lives a long drive away and we agree risking road travel is not a good idea. If any of us were vulnerable we would not have any. We have used a common sense approach but a lot of people are not doing that. We incorporate our exercise with drop offs so out the house once etc to not flout the rules.

[slipperywhensparticus]

I cant see either one of my parents or my sister I'm not complaining about it because it's for the best

At that age the kids can make up there own minds

[ColdTattyWaitingForSummer]

The thing is, just because you can at the moment, doesn’t mean you should.
And it’s very rarely just one extra household.. If Ds1 goes to his dad’s, he has a long train journey to get there. His dsis would have a separate train journey from her mum’s. She has dbro’s who would also see their dad. That’s at least four households interacting (more if the dbro’s also have step or half sibs). Then if ds2 goes to his dad, that’s a long journey by car, more times to fill up with petrol, more risk to his df who’s high risk due to asthma. Luckily we’ve all agreed to stay put, keep in touch other ways, and hopefully decrease the risk to everyone.