Partner wants to take kids because he thinks they have corona??

[Dontknownow86]

I feel like I'm going a bit mad here. Step children are currently with their mum. She had originally said she didn't want us seeing them until we had been isolated for a while, which was fine and sensible enough.

However, they have now all developed coughs and she is panicking even though all of them seem to have very very mild symptoms by all accounts. Keeps ringing my DP and he now wants to take them instead. I told him really they should be self isolating and he's gotten really stroppy and angry at me saying 'you're stopping me from seeing my kids' etc.

I had pretty bad childhood asthma and had to be put on oxygen a good few times. Chest infections generally take me twice as long to get over than most people so I would really prefer not to get it if possible. I said I would have to go stay somewhere else and he called me a dick.

Am I missing something here? He was happy enough to talk to them through Skype etc before they were ill at their mum's suggestion??

[planningaheadtoday]

Government advice is 7 days from when symptoms first appear.

It's not very long before he can collect them safely.

How long have they had the cough?

[Dontknownow86]

Youngest 2 days ago, eldest today.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Batshit. They stay where they are. Would she even agree to him taking them now? Why is she ringing him? He’s a dick and being completely irrational and selfish. Sorry.

[PointlessUsername]

What does their mum say?.

They have to isolate for 7 days.

[Dontknownow86]

She keeps ringing him because she's panicking and is convinced she is going to die. It's been repeated long phone calls of crying or in depth breakdown of symptoms etc.

I feel bad for her but I literally can't see how taking them now will help? Surely dropping off essentials for them would be better?

In retrospect we probably should have taken them when this all started but it's a bit late now.

[Qwertygert]

14 days for a family when showing symptoms. She is gona have to suck it up. He is too. Once that time has passed then they can look to share care. My DDs mum was all about us not having access but then agreed but with stipulations. Now she is realising working from home with a child is not as easy and perfect as she imagined and is suddenly being 'nicer' just waiting to see how long it takes for her to start asking what days DH has off to take her for full days rather than insisting he only gets her 'when school finishes' I am working from home so that will not be happening as I already have my DD here all day. Funny how they suddenly change their mind when they want some peace!

Keep safe! x

[saraclara]

She keeps ringing him because she's panicking and is convinced she is going to die. It's been repeated long phone calls of crying or in depth breakdown of symptoms etc.

Jesus. Poor kids. I hope they're not hearing all this.

[aSofaNearYou]

If you have asthma he is putting your life at risk, it's shocking. He could potentially go and stay with them until everyone's symptoms have gone plus 14 days extra for him, depending on whether that's a viable option. But they absolutely should not be coming near you with symptoms.

[dontdisturbmenow]

Is she at severe risk, like on immunosuppressants or something? That would explain her panicking and your OH wanting to help. If you are not on asthma medication, your risk will be much lower.

Saying that, there are not your kids, so can understand why you'd be reluctant.

[LittleLittleLittle]

@dontdisturbmenow if both children have got it regardless of whether she is immunosuppressed or not, she likely has it as well.

More likely due to the 24 hour news coverage she has anxiety.

[NotStayingIn]

Tell him to stay with her and the kids then if he is that worried.

Not ideal but I would rather not risk a serious lung condition on top of my asthma, brought to me courtesy of a guy who called me a dick. Off you trot my love.

[dontdisturbmenow]

if both children have got it regardless of whether she is immunosuppressed or not, she likely has it as well
Not forcibly. My OH was on a work trip with a group of 8 people 3 weeks ago. Two started to feel poorly then but still attended the training. Both later diagnosed with it, one got I'll a week later, all 5 others fine 2 weeks later, including OH who was in the car for 6 hours next to the one who started to feel very unwell later that day.

She would still reduce the risk of catching it if she didn't have to look after them for 7 days if that's what they have.

[Mindful01]

I started with symptoms on Friday and told my husband not to pick his daughter up. He didn't listen to me and picked her up anyway.
By Saturday my symptoms had worsened cough, temp, sore throat, headache and fatigue. I took to bed. His daughter has caused holy hell since she has been here and I have been in bed, hitting my daughter 2 years younger, breaking my living room table etc. My husband hasn't once checked on me in bed to see if I am OK. He has just been angry that he feels I don't want her at our home.
I hit the roof this morning and said he has to take her home. I'm ill and she shouldn't be here. He took her home Sunday lunchtime instead of his usual 5pm. He now isn't speaking to me.
My older daughter is checking on me. Brought me dinner and making me drinks.
It's bollocks that even the coronavirus can become about step kids.
His daughter has severe asthma so when she catches this as she will he better opt even mention it to me!!!

[HollowTalk]

@Mindful01 I would be considering my options with that guy.

[Mindful01]

You know what I am. I have spoke with my mum today over telephone about it all and she said the same. They say times of crisis show peoples true colors and make or break couples. I'm seeing my future without him

[Geepipe]

Oh thats awful how dare he call you a dick! I would reconsider the relationship if he puts visitation above the health of his partner. And mindful01 well done for speaking to your mam about it. I think leaving him is the best thing to do if he can be so callous and nasty at a time like this and put his badly behaved child ahead of his sick wife for a short ammount of time.

[Aragog]

How many children in the house?

It's 7 days from start of onset for anyone with symptoms.
For anyone else in the household, who don't have symptoms, it is 14 days.

[SomeoneElseEntirelyNow]

@Mindful01 he's a dick for sure, but he should have kept her at the house and just controlled her better - she's probably got it even if she hasnt had any contact with you as it lives on surfaces for 72 hours, and now he's sent her off to spread it around.

[Anuta77]

Well, I agree that if you have bad astma. A loving partner wouldn't risk his wife's life. Or any respectful person. The mother probably has it anyway, so I don't see any point in taking them. And calling you a dick?!
My DP didn't bring his daugther this weekend and didn't go see his sons, because they were not practicing social distanciation and he doesn't want any of us to get sick.

[Selfisolationquery]

No she has to stay where she is. I guess like someone else said, if she's immunocompromised then maybe it would help not having to look after ill kids as well as being ill yourself but otherwise no, they stay where they are. At the moment we all have to look out for each others health and if that means putting your wife above your kids for a bit then that's what we have to do.

@Mindful01 he has responded awfully! I'm so glad you're considering your options but so sorry you are going through this.