Partners daughter 10 yo insists acting like a baby

[Londongirl07]

I know kids are kids but she goes a bit too far. In front of kids she will be pleasant, smart (smartest out of all the kids to be honest) and just great but around her dad she acts like a 3 year old. She will change her voice to sound like a baby, act like a baby, she was even drinking milk out of a baby bottle until 2 years ago because she insisted.

It’s not because she doesn’t get attention, she gets plenty! She’s the only girl in our blended family. I just think it’s a way she tried to manipulate her dad. She will say things like oh I want this or take me here because you only spend x amount of days with us...I don’t like that as it’s not my partners choice the days he has that’s what their mother (cow lol) has chosen. I have told him and he is aware of it and has told her off a few times to not act like a baby but then he lets it slide each time. It’s actually getting worse and irritating to the point I have to say to her how old are you? Why are you acting like a baby. She’s such a smart girl and good to be around when she acts “normally” (well not acting like a baby) and it’s frustrating that she’s doing it more and more...i don’t want it to get to the point I can’t be around because I do not want to snap at her. Thought I’d mention if one of my own kids done this I would be the exact same so it’s not the fact she’s not mine. It just rubs me up the wrong way lol! It’s not cute!!!

Anyone else dealt with this?

[notthisshitagain]

You've got bigger issues than the daughter, judging by your most recent post about her father. Maybe concentrate on that for now, since you hardly see her anyway.

[loststarling]

Yes, I have a 9yo SS who does similar sometimes. Baby voice, demands to be carried around, recently asked for a baby food pouch in a shop and my DP bought it for him!!! He is 9 and so smart and witty and it drives me up the wall when he acts like an infant. Honestly I'd be mortified if my own DD did it.

I seem to vaguely remember my younger brother having a tendency to do a baby voice at this age when he wanted his own way. So your SD's behaviour could be exacerbated by insecurity from the split, but some kids just seem to want to cling to that baby position. Is she the youngest?

No advice, just empathy, as if your DP doesn't mind it then we are in the same boat. I just try to ignore.

[Londongirl07]

@loststarling I do try to ignore but it can do your head in. No she isn’t the youngest out of all our kids but his youngest.

Thing is her parents split over 5 years ago now so it’s nothing new. I guess she will grow out of it eventually - hopefully lol.

[FuckityFuckit]

Baby voice, demands to be carried around, recently asked for a baby food pouch in a shop and my DP bought it for him!!!

Gahhhhh, that's not okay. I actually think that's really poor parenting (unless there's any issues, learning disabilities or whatever involved which I'm assuming there isn't).

We shouldn't be encouraging 9/10 year olds to act like babies. There may be deeper issues causing the behaviour which need to be looked into but it certainly shouldn't be actively encouraged! It's doing them no favours.

[KylieKoKo]

Maybe she is starting puberty and feeling a bit scared. I remember sprouting pubes at primary school and freaking out and shaving them off and acting younger as I was scared of growing up. Remembering it now makes me cringe at how revolting I was!

If this was DPs daughter I would probably speak back them in a baby voice and make it joke but also let them see what it looks like but I am very close to them and know that it would make them laugh and snap them out of it. I know it would not work in all circumstances.

[Annaminna]

You are correct, it is a manipulation technique.
I also got an impression that your DP is terrified to loose his daughters love and that why become a Disney dad. Its a very difficult situation. If you telling off your DP he only gets defensive. Try to explain instead - that encouraging this kind of behavior will backfire his own DD. Offer alternative actions, if money isnt a problem, then some kind of counselling would help a lot, because it will come from a neutral person.

My own partner has the same with his DC. I am staying away and thinking; its his child, if he wants to screw him up, his choice.
I can do that, because I am not dependent on him and his choices.

[Londongirl07]

@KylieKoKo she’s been doing this for years so don’t think it’s that but that is something to watch out for! So thanks for that.

@FuckityFuckit you’re right we can’t encourage it. She has no learning difficulties as mentioned she’s a bright little thing. I think she does it to her attention which she has plenty of. Unfortunately she’s being babied and spoilt both sides which just isn’t helping.

@Annaminna you’ve hit the nail on the head it’s as if he’s trying to be this perfect dad by giving in. I’ve told him by saying no or telling them off doesn’t make you a bad dad. I think for him because he has them twice a week he wants to be seen like the perfect dad etc but in life we have to discipline when needed. But I can see she does try to manipulate him. It makes me feel like a bad mum because I tell my boys no; I tell them off etc lol!!!

[Greendayz]

I know exactly what your mean. My DH has 4 kids and the youngest two (DSD2 and DSS2) both did this for years. For DSS2 it stopped quite abruptly when his voice broke and the baby voice just sounded stupid. But DSD2 is now 19 and still behaves like a baby with her daddy. She'll talk very quietly so you can hardly hear her, put in a baby voice and generally pull all his strings to make him do things for her that she's decided she's too young/nervous to do herself. As a step parent you see it all more objectively - parents can't help but forever see the young child in their children (I know - I do have my own too)

I'm not really sure how to tackle it. I've clearly failed as she's now 19 and still does it! Though as you point out, they don't do it with other people around so encouraging interaction with DP, DSD and others as well I think can help. DSD would be embarrassed to behave like that in front of her peers, and it may be useful for your DP to see how she is when others are around so he can appreciate the contrast.

[Londongirl07]

@Greendayz thanks for that advice and glad to see I’m not alone in this but my god I hope this doesn’t last until she’s 19!!! It’s a wind up!!!! At 10 she is very manipulative towards her dad and it’s not nice, oh you don’t have us every day so you should do this or buy that. The son who is 13 is nothing like this at all! I actually really like him he’s such a good boy. I really click with him which is lovely.

I just hope my partner opens his eyes soon enough to this because it’s not cute.

I actually forgot to say she has tried to make my 6 year old do it...always says let’s play babies and crawl around and talk like babies etc...even though my little one is 6 I don’t like it like I said it’s not cute lol! And I will tell him no you’re growing in to a big boy now you need to start acting mature. I know kids should be kids and I feel bad now reading this but acting like baby is just too much.

[Anuta77]

We have some of this behaviour with SD (13). I don't remember noticing it before my toddler was born, but I'm not sure. She was always this cute affectionate little girl with beautiful eyes, the only girl in her extended family and everybody, including me, were all over her. But when my toddler was born, I noticed the baby behaviour, sometimes a bit with me, but mostly with her dad. Every time, he does something to the toddler, she would ask with the baby voice if he did that to her, wait for the reply, then ask what she was doing back. Sometimes up to 5 times per day. She wants the baby purees, plays with his toys, etc. But when DP is not around, she turns into an "adult", telling me with autority what to do with the toddler, arguing with me, disciplining him, etc. and personally, the baby part is less annoying compared to that, so I concentrated on working on the "adult" behaviour.
In our case, it's less frequent that in yours, but I would correct her and if your DH has money for counselling, I would do it. Probably, it's not something extremely serious and could be corrected fast by a professional.

[HatRack]

Everyone dealing with such behavior needs to look up "miniwife". There are some good support groups on Facebook. This is common behavior when the father has narcissist tendencies.