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Somewhere to let it all out

(4 Posts)
StrangeDayT0day Wed 19-Feb-20 10:03:53

This is going to be a cathartic vent. Thank you for reading!

My partner's ex-wife called him yesterday lunchtime to tell him that her boyfriend assaulted one of their children. The child is fine, but the boyfriend has been arrested and charged with common assault. I am so sad for those children that this has happened.

What do you say to a little girl when she says "No more Daddy, he has gone to jail"? (FYI - he wasn't her real Daddy but she was told to call him that and call my DP by his first name)

I hope my approach is correct - I haven't broached the subject of what happened, rather I have let the children tell me about it if they wanted to do so.

My DP asked the children quietly last night if there had been any other instances where this man had hurt them in anyway and they said yes. They said they were scared of him.

Have been telling DP for the last year he needs to insist that this man is not allowed to come near his children, or that we need to have them live with us and now I have been proven right. I'm just sad it has had to get to this stage for this man to finally be removed from their lives. On the surface the children were looked after - fed and clothed and well-provided for. We have been recording everything that the children have told us and DP has regularly spoken to his ex-Wife about this man's uncontrollable behaviour but has been fobbed off and she told him that the children were telling lies and none of it really happened. We involved social services in the past but found out that they were already monitoring the situation, so someone else had tipped them off & it all came to nothing anyway. We hoped that the vitriol/abuse that this man displayed towards both me and DP in person, on the telephone and via text was as far as it went and that he would never do anything to the children. But we were wrong.

Ah... don't know why I'm posting this to be honest. I don't want to upset DP anymore at the moment by bringing it up constantly, but I am sickened by what has happened sad

And I have been reading these forums for a while so before anyone wants to start flaming me, my intention is not to get their mum into trouble or try and replace her. I have no interest in pettiness and points scoring. I only want what is best for the children and I believe the best course is that they keep the 50/50 care routine between their mum and dad and this man never comes anywhere near them again.

OP’s posts: |
Harpingon Wed 19-Feb-20 10:16:47

In order to safeguard the children I would suggest that you do not send them back until you know 100% that this man will never have any contact with them ever again.

StrangeDayT0day Wed 19-Feb-20 10:24:02

Hi Harpingon, thanks for reading and replying (!) Yes that is the first action for sure. Problem is that not all of the children are DP's so I'm not sure what he can do about the children he has no parental rights for sad We really don't want to split the children up either, but there is no way his ex-wife would agree to DP taking all of them......

OP’s posts: |
Harpingon Wed 19-Feb-20 11:31:53

That's really hard for you both, can he contact social services and let them know the situation? Taking all the children in, despite some of them not being related is an amazing, kind thing to do. Whatever happens in the future at least you will be there for them.

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