First post - please forgive my lack of the usual acronyms etc!
I am a Dad of a 7yo D, split from my ex wife around 6 years ago and met my new wife a year later. She has a S who is 9yo who lives with us full time apart from visiting his Dad. My D visits us one weekend a fortnight (all I was able to negotiate after lengthy mediation sessions). The home situation is, on paper, nearly perfect - we live comfortably in a lovely house, the children don't really need for anything and we try and spend quality time as a family.
The issue we have is the relationship between my D and my new wife. My D over the last year or so has become more and more distant and will sometimes not interact with my new wife and clams up when she is in the room, is not herself at mealtimes and generally finds it difficult to relax. There isn't an obvious reason for this as we have always tried to create an open family relationship and my wife hasn't been the 'wicked' step mum at all! All the adults involved have tried to talk to D about this and understand what the underlying issue is and have had no luck - she constantly says she 'doesn't know'.
This issue has gotten extremely bad to the point where we dread the weekends we are all together and it is tearing us apart. My D will try and make an effort here and there but will revert to her usual silent, ignoring ways during the weekend and my wife is just waiting for this to happen. These weekends should be the fun times. Right now I don't see a way out from this - our marriage will fall apart, my D will decide she no longer wants to see me or I decide to remove myself from the situation.
I want to know whether other people have had issues, particularly with girls between 6 and 9. It feels like this is the age when they can make some decisions on their own about how to act but can't fully articulate how they are feeling. What issues did you face, did you ever get to the bottom of the reasons (perhaps when they were older and could explain) and what did you do to combat these?
I am at breaking point and am running out of places to turn. I am not educated enough or know enough about children to understand what is going on here.
Any help is gratefully received!
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33 replies
dadandstepdad · 10/02/2020 14:30
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