Hi everyone. Quick history. Partner and I have been together for 6 years. Both separated when we met. Kept our relationship away from kids for 2.5 years then slowly introduced. We have been living together for the last two years. I have a 9 year old son. He has a 15 and 23 year old girls. Both girls lived with us FT. Older one moved out last year. Their mum has had MH issues, lovely lady, no real issues between us all but has randomly rejected the younger one. It's like she has got used to not having to parent and now sees it as a burden and a stopper on her social life That is obviously confusing and difficult for the younger SD The mum literally lives at the end of our road, no real excuses and she is now in a good place, just basically tapped out of parenting and always has plans when she is supposed to have her daughter. Older SD lives with her.
When I moved in with my partner they were both horrible and made life very difficult. However, patience and a seriously bitten tongue things improved. I do all the mum admin for the younger one and have become a listening ear. Both girls have some form of MH issues and I have been there when the older SD was trying to commit suicide repeatedly last year, very hideous and upsetting. It was also quite grim, clearing up all the attempts so my partner didn't see and get upset. Both have repeatedly stolen from me too.
Their mum has never been able to hold down a relationship as the pair of them have been very disrespectful and put off any potential partners, the latest one was before Christmas. They ramped up their efforts when she wanted to move in with the partner and eventually they split up. My partner spoke to them about their behaviour and told them they need to change their ways etc.
Everything has been fine and quite nice since last year. We thought we'd cracked it and all was good. My partner is brilliant with my son who is autistic and goes to a special school. He can have his moments! So two weeks ago we got engaged. I was so happy. My partner didn't want to tell his kids. When we did, last weekend, the older one stormed out and sent him a string of abusive texts. The younger one just followed the older ones lead.
It honestly felt like such a slap on the face. We've always been there for the girls. Provided a stable home life, sorted out issues, basically parented them to the best of our abilities and then some. We had some dark and difficult times, especially with the older one. I personally think they are both incredibly spoilt and they totally know how to play their dad. Even my partner's mum is disgusted with their behaviour most of the time.
I haven't spoken to the young SD since last Friday. My partner is treating her like nothing happened but I just can't let it drop. I need to do something. I thought about saying I was disappointed in her reaction as I thought we got on and she genuinely liked me. I didn't expect them to roll out the red carpet, but a simple congrats or even 'that's nice' would have been fine.
What would you do in this situation? I really don't feel we have rushed this. We always put everybody else first.
My partner is so protective of the young one he won't hear a bad word said about her. I don't really want to bring him into this I think I should settle it directly with her. If so do it without him present I fear she will twist my words. She'll often lie about strange things like she hasn't eaten when she ate dinner with us. She can be v strange....
Thoughts please.
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Engagement went down like a lead balloon
Louloubelle78 · 28/01/2020 19:37
Oh, OP, how hard. It’s completely understandable that you feel as you do.
I second pp who advise this is not worth confronting. Aged 15 all you’ll get is more drama. Particularly if dd is in the storm of MH problems she will not be thinking of others. At all. 15 is a pretty awful age for all this.
Pop your head round the door of dd and say ‘hey you’ve been quiet, all ok?’.
Get on and plan a beautiful, quiet wedding with the dd’s as guests and no more (hence minimum potential for drama).
You deserve so much more than the reaction you’ve received. So I’ll say huge congratulations 
I hope your OH appreciates you because you sound like a Saint.
Congrats, @Sassbott 
(thread derailment alert) Have you decided whether you’ll ultimately stick or twist regarding moving in together?
I’m sorry...a 23 year old woman stormed out when you told her you were getting engaged. Ffs, wonders never cease...
A woman who has severe mental health issues. But yes, she's clearly just a spoilt brat 
OP, have his kids ever had any counselling about this? You say your husband won't have a bad word said about the youngest but you need to address the behaviour. It's not ok to be disrespectful towards you, yes they are allowed to be upset and have their own feelings (which is why therapy of some kind would benefit them), but you both need to be on the same page with this otherwise this will always be a sticking point, whatever their ages.
@sassbott I am in total agreement and love the idea of a small adult ceremony without kids. Can we have our own little private wedding planning forum, just the two of us 
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