Over thinking or not ?

[Broony80]

So , bit long and winded, please bare with me. My partners daughter who is 6yrs old stays every weekend with us and my 13 yr old daughter. When she's here she sees her grandparents ( they live apart), however the grand father is completely obsessed with her. I gind it unhealthy and unsettling . He is adamant that he sees her every time she's here ( which if fine) but he insists on having to always take her out alone with him,always. He won't listen when.we ask him not to buy her sweets or toys but he still does. Undermining may be but my gut doesn't feel right. If the child is in bath when he visits, I offer him.tea and seat in lounge l, but he refuses and just goes upstairs and sits outside bathroom until she's out , them goes into the bedroom where her dad is trying land dressing her and sits. My 13 year old is now opening up and saying she feels uncomfortable when he's in..also the 6 yr old said she only likes her grandpa when he buys her things. He never tells her no. 4 days after xmas he took her out alone again and bought her 2 new toys. No need. Please is this just me that feels so angry or is this totally normal. Any advice would be really appreciated.

[Elhan]

Do you and him get on, could that be reason he's choosing to go and sit upstairs out the way when he's there or do you feel like something isn't right? I do find the sitting outside of the bathroom very strange

[Broony80]

No. We get on very well. Plus he sits in my company when the child isn't here. It's just weird

[ColaFreezePop]

You need to talk to your partner and if you get on with her, his mother. You need to alert them to the grandfather's odd behaviour if nothing else.

Explain that you are worried about the grandfather's behaviour around her e.g. waiting outside the bathroom, the getting dressed, taking her out alone as your 13 year old has mentioned it. Mention but don't big up the buying things. If there are no more grandchildren or grand daughters point out that the grandfather's behaviour is not healthy. Be prepared to be accused of not liking the child and your 13 year old being jealous, just ignore that and change the subject to something else.

[Broony80]

Thank you so much. He has other grandchildren albeit older now but even my partners sister said once and I quote " does he forget he has 3 grandchildren, what his obsession with this particular one". Might be innocent and "normal" in how they were raised but def not in our home. I'm trying hard with child's father on board to encourage her to go to bedroom or bathroom and get dressed/changed as she will soon be 7 and should be getting into habit of knowing her body is private, or am I wrong....it's a horrible situation

[ColaFreezePop]

OP worth getting your partner's sister on board first, then if necessary turning the situation into one where you/your daughter and your partner's daughter get showered and dressed around the same time using the same rooms (or in your case walking around in your underwear) so the men are not allowed around the bedrooms and bathroom area.

[XJerseyGirlX]

TBH i would trust your gut OP,I think its really strange behavior. Especially the sitting outside the bathroom