She'd Cut her nose off to spite her face

(152 Posts)
LJJ17 Fri 03-Jan-20 16:45:25

DH ex has been nothing but a nightmare for the whole 4 years we've been married, never worked a day in her life cause she's depressed and has had another child, she's 43, so she doesn't have to work (her words not mine)
Basically we have been paying £30per week maintenance for my husbands son and she's decided it's not enough as she has 2 kids now (one isn't anything to do with us) and has reported us to CMS, The ex text me before Xmas asking for our address as SS wanted to send us a card, we were over the moon and thought we'd reached a turning point. What turned up was the CMA papers 
we've received a letter telling us that she is not entitled to anything at all as my earnings aren't taken in to account only DH. And I'm the high earner.

What makes it worse is we aren't allowed to see SS, he won't answer the phone we bought him (he's 9) he lives 2hrs away and his mum has poisoned him against us and has no intention of letting us have any contact.
She has blocked all contact with us and We have stopped all money AIBU?
I've decided instead to put the money in a separate bank account for SS when he's older.
He won't come to our house because we make him eat his dinner (all he has at home is macdonalds and pot noodles) and he's not allowed to stay up until 1am playing on fortnite.
No negative comments please just not sure if I'm going about it the right way.

OP’s posts: |
OhMeows Fri 03-Jan-20 16:49:10

Can't you go back to the £30 a week? That's hardly anything but at least it's something.

ReceptacleForTheRespectable Fri 03-Jan-20 16:52:02

£30 a week is just £1,560 a year.

How much does he earn?

ReceptacleForTheRespectable Fri 03-Jan-20 16:53:10

and YABU for stopping all money. Very unreasonable.

Plaintainchips Fri 03-Jan-20 16:53:22

She has blocked all contact with us and We have stopped all money AIBU?

Yes you are. So his father is no longer contributing to his son’s care. That’s vile. You say CMS say you don’t have to pay anything ? I don’t understand that as even if ur higher salary isn’t taken into account, I assume his father works?

Whether or not she works isn’t relevant to this situation. Although from what you’ve said she should be.

LJJ17 Fri 03-Jan-20 16:53:21

@OhMeows £30 a week for one child is more than I get for my 2 children whose dad earns 40k plus. I get £40 a week and that covers bus fare to school and school lunches. Why should we pay for her other child? She is living with the new babies father, who works and also claiming benefits

OP’s posts: |
ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 Fri 03-Jan-20 16:53:53

30 quid a week is pittance tbh I get £35 a week, but we alternate for dinner money, go halves in uniform and activities. 30 a week is less than a fiver a day which is disgraceful.


EsmeeMerlin Fri 03-Jan-20 16:53:54

You are not punishing her though, your are punishing your stepson. What use is money as a adult when he needs food and clothes now. It is your husband’s responsibility to financially support his son. If contact is a issue, I would suggest your husband looks at legal advice to ensure he has a relationship with his son.

Plaintainchips Fri 03-Jan-20 16:54:10

Nobody said you should pay for her other child. His father should be paying for the child he had with his EX.

Mermaidtissues Fri 03-Jan-20 16:54:50

How do you know about food and bedtimes at home? From him?

I would resume the £30 per week to the mum.

LJJ17 Fri 03-Jan-20 16:55:27

@ReceptacleForTheRespectable his dad, my husband does work but he runs his own business which is new and currently gets very minimal wages.
@Plaintainchips I have so much empathy for people suffering with depression but when you are constantly out drinking and haven't worked at all for your entire life I don't think it's right

OP’s posts: |
ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 Fri 03-Jan-20 16:56:16

Let me guess you've taken you're dc into account for her maintenance payments to get them reduced further? Something that should never be allowed to happen.

Plaintainchips Fri 03-Jan-20 16:56:28

Okay? Like I said, it’s irrelevant to the situation. Completely irrelevant as to whether or not you provide money for his child.

LJJ17 Fri 03-Jan-20 16:57:18

@Mermaidtissues from the ex that's her reasoning as to why he doesn't see us.
We buy all of his school uniform, shoes, coats and clothes on top of the £30 and pay for school trips. He gets free meals at school.
His ex thinks we should pay lore now she has 2 kids

OP’s posts: |
ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 Fri 03-Jan-20 16:57:25

So he can afford to start a new business because hes getting subsidised by you're income, however it's his dc who gets a very basic amount and now that's stoppedbiscuit

LJJ17 Fri 03-Jan-20 16:58:34

@ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 no my children aren't taken into account as I've received maintenance separately and me and my husband don't have children together

OP’s posts: |
ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 Fri 03-Jan-20 16:58:55

Massive drip feed surely its important to put such information in you're op as it would have received a completely different response. The fact you've stopped it has put people backs up straight away.

LJJ17 Fri 03-Jan-20 16:59:44

@ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 what I might not have made clear is she's refused the £30 a week as it's not enough so as the post is titled she'd cut her nose off to spite her face.

OP’s posts: |
BaubleTheLumpOfCoal Fri 03-Jan-20 16:59:53

Honestly, £30 a week is despicably low as contribution towards his child.
Whether she's on benefits or not, she will 100% be paying a hell of a lot more than £30 a week.

You putting it away is useless, he needs food and clothes now - not when he's an adult.
In fact, you shouldn't even come into this.
Your partner should be paying his pittance to her for their child.

LaurieFairyCake Fri 03-Jan-20 17:00:51

It's really wrong he's not paying towards his child - I don't believe he doesn't earn enough to pay a measly £30 a week - I believe instead this 'new business' is the one giant fiddle absent parents use to get out of paying child support.

Just shame on him.

You're not seriously saying you're buying all those items and sending them to him every 3 months when he needs them? And will continue to do so?

LJJ17 Fri 03-Jan-20 17:00:53

@BaubleTheLumpOfCoal re read the comments and you will see we buy him everything apart from food

OP’s posts: |
chinam Fri 03-Jan-20 17:01:50

Your husband needs to go back to paying the pittance he is legally obliged to hand over. Save some other money in an account for him if you wish.

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 Fri 03-Jan-20 17:02:18

Surely you just bank transfer her it you admitted to stopping it as contact was stopped. You both sound as bad as each other.

LouDogLover Fri 03-Jan-20 17:02:18

@LJJ17 she's 43, so she doesn't have to work (her words not mine) she actually serious??

Basically we have been paying £30per week maintenance for my husbands son and she's decided it's not enough as she has 2 kids now (one isn't anything to do with us)....second child nothing to do with your husband so no increase in payment required to cover that child...she needs to that child actual father for CM payments.

Just continue paying the £30. She may be shooting herself in the foot by going CMS if it his deemed that your husband income isn't high enough and she isn't entitled to anything.

he's not allowed to stay up until 1am playing on fortnite... who allows a 9 year old to stay up till SS is 9 and the latest she is allowed to stay up till is sometimes 9 on a weekend and thats only as a treat.

LJJ17 Fri 03-Jan-20 17:02:33

@LaurieFairyCake I send him things everytime his mum texts which is normally weekly. She hasn't been in touch since Christmas but all his presents are here.
The new business is not a scam to make him not pay, what a ridiculous thing to say.
Please all educate yourselves on cma on the calculator and see how much someone on minimum wage should pay

OP’s posts: |

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in