Hi I’m in need of advice.
So my situation is as follows...
When I met my ex partner her daughter was six months old. Our relationship lasted six years and within that time I bonded with her daughter. When our relationship broke down (amicably) my bond was still strong and I consider her daughter to be my own. Her biological father walked out on them both two months after she was born, and I vowed that I wouldn’t be the second father figure in her young life to walk away from her.
10 years on and I am still in her life, I am in a new relationship and still see my daughter albeit every second weekend and times in the week work permitting.
Her Mum has struggled in life, she has only in the past two years or so began to work weekends which is good for her to get out of the house, earn some money and build her self esteem. There were a number of reasons that caused our break-up (and please don’t think this is a character assassination) I’d work twelve hour shifts whereas she was unemployed and sat at home (this was my own house which she moved into due to non payment of rent of her place) and she neither contributed nothing in rent or bills however she would make a small contribution to the cost of food. She would not lift a finger to do any house work I.e. cleaning or washing etc, hence when I got back from my 12 hour shift I would have to do the washing and cleaning myself which generally I don’t have an issue with as I’d been in the Army and was self sufficient and had been brought up by my parents with the attitude that a couple were a team and to do equal shares of house work etc. Her personal hygiene was quite poor and she didn’t shower regularly. This lead to the break down of our sex life.
As I stated despite all of this our split was amicable and I am very great full that she has allowed me to be in her life.
Recently when she comes over to stay I have begun to notice that she is becoming unkempt in her appearance. I regularly buy her new clothes but when she comes over she’s wearing her older siblings hand me downs that don’t fit her and have holes in them. Also I don’t think her Mum is bathing her regularly. I picked her up on Friday and when she took her shoes off the smell of her unwashed feet filled the room. I asked her to have a shower and when she took her socks off her toes and toenails were black, her hair was lank and greasy.
I asked her when the last time she had a bath was and she said she couldn’t remember, so I’m assuming it was two weeks prior when she was with me last.
This isn’t the first time this has happened and I have raised the issue with her Mum who immediately starts shouting at me (in front of the kids) which not wishing the kids to witness it I back down. She’s tremendously stubborn and never takes ownership for her actions.
I love this little girl like my own daughter and it’s killing me to see this. It’s only a matter of time until she becomes the victim of bullying as kids just need an excuse.
Obviously as she’s not mine biologically I don’t have a leg to stand on legally.
I’ve considered speaking to her parents about this but I think they would just rally around her.
What do I do?
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6 replies
Mark78 · 22/12/2019 15:36
OP posts:
DDIJ ·
22/12/2019 15:57
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