Partners ex bullies stepdaughter

[Museofsky]

Hi, I’m new to mumsnet. Back in March my stepdaughter came to her father and I telling us her mum had been hitting her and kicked her between the legs.

Her father kept her with us and we put in for custody. Long story short her mother made as many problems as possible, denying all my stepDaughters accusations. In October finally the court ruled in our favour and our beautiful girl is now thriving with us, just passing her Kent test and off to grammar school in September ( we are so proud ).

The thing that’s really getting to me atm is the fact, her mother made my partners life hell, demanding he collect and drop of our stepdaughter, that he paid a minimum amount of £100 a month child maintenance even when he was unemployed after a bereavement. He never denied his daughter and we always found the money and time for her when needed.

Now we have custody’s it’s been 9 months and she refuses to pay a single penny of maintenance, she has another daughter from another relationship ship who is younge, and her excuse is, ‘she should t take money from her ‘younger daughter to give to her oldest!’

She talks to her like dirt, she just picked her up for her half of the Xmas holidays, and the first thing she does is, moan at her for not taking a skirt and pair of leggings home, that she had previously said she could keep here.

She refuses to text myself or my partner for anything and keeps sending messages through my step daughter which are highly inappropriate to give to my partner.

The woman is crazy...... there I’ve said it..... I e tried not to hate anyone in my life but this woman, is making me feel things that are foreign to me.....

How can a mother treat her ten year old like that and think it’s right? Call her a liar all through court and force her to write a letter to the judge asking to be sent back to her mums..... my step daughter was terrified she had to go home.... her mother even told her to pack her bags.....

This morning she’s been very quiet knowing she’s going to her mums, (if her mum hurts her again we’re pressing charges, we couldn’t this time as was being dealt with by court..... it’s stupid)

My partner is such a sweetie, he worries if he demands anything from his ex, she will then project her anger onto our stepdaughter, and he won’t be there to protect her again.

I just don’t understand how mothers can hurt their babies, or use their kids in wars against ex’s...... why can’t they stop being selfish and think of what’s best for children......

[potter5]

That is so sad. At least she has got you and her dad to look out for her. I hope that when she is old enough she will make the decision to break off all contact with her mum.

[stuffedpeppers]

thank god her Dad stood up for her.

Like you say - this is a trial holiday and anymore abuse will be dealt with through the courts.

She is lucky to have her father and you in her corner and he believed her and acted on it. Never easy to actually do. Your mother you can do little about just support her and know that she is loved, believed and wanted.

[ColaFreezePop]

Your partner needs to put in a claim using the CMS for child maintenance from the mother. Depending on what allegations of abuse there were he may not have to pay the £20 fee. If the mother doesn't pay she will just end up with arrears.

If the mother sends inappropriate text messages to the daughter then she needs to be blocked on the child's phone. The messages will either go to a junk folder or not arrive. Though to be fair until the girl goes to secondary school around July/August it is better she doesn't have a phone.