I will try to be brief. I have been with my partner for 10 happy years the only issue between us is his children (now over 18) they have always 'tolerated' me, never rude but indifferent and one word responses. He met me soon after he split up with their mum so I guess they see me as an obstacle (she has remained single). Over the years I have always welcomed them and tried to be friendly we used to have them every other weekend and at Christmas, took them on holidays etc. I always expected that when they became over 18 they would stop coming round as to me it was always obvious they did not want me around. It is the same with my 2 children who have tried very hard over the years to establish a relationship with them unsuccessfully. They are both now over 18 and as expected they no longer visit, they see their dad at the pub or out for dinner occasionally and it is obvious I am not welcome, they are not horrible to me just cold and they go quiet so over the last couple of years I have stopped going with him as I find it very upsetting. My partner has tried to talk to them but they state there is no issue. We usually have them over on boxing day and this is where the problem is this year. My partner and I have noticed this year that his daughter is becoming very distant she does not answer his texts or calls and I have not seen her since last year. To make matters worse last year we finally got my partners house back (they and their mum were living in it but he paid her a large sum of money that she was not entitled to legally, to move out so we could sell the house as he has been paying the mortgage on it for 10 years, he is sole owner they were not married) she was in agreement to leave as quite happy with the large payment (morally my partner felt he had to give her a sizeable sum of which I agreed) He hoped to sell the house but houses are not selling here currently and we could no longer afford to pay the mortgage/bills on that house and our own rent and bills so we moved in temporarily to get some work done on the property to hopefully sell it next year when the market picks up. I lost my father last week, he died very suddenly and I am devastated so is my partner we cared for him for the last few years. His daughter has chosen this week (before the funeral) to call him and rant at him saying he has not been there for her and she is furious about the house. He has met her and talked and tried to explain why we have had to move in (none of us are happy about it, its weird for me!) and told her she is out of order re some of things she has said he has always been there for her very much so - they are both the only children in his side of the family and very spoilt. She is now refusing to come on boxing day (I usually have my dad bless him and my children too) and demanding he see her elsewhere, to keep the peace he has agreed to take her to the pub on boxing day to do the presents. He has been extremely upset over this along with the loss of my dad and I am struggling to cope with the loss and what I feel is the selfishness of his daughter her timing was awful she is aware my dad has passed away and she has caused so much upset in the week before the funeral. I am supportive of my partner and understand why he has chosen to agree to upset our usual boxing day routine but at the same time I am so angry. This means she will never come to this house whilst we are here and I will not see her at all. I have said I am so hurt by her actions re her timing I will not want to see her until she apologises I should have been grieving instead I have had to deal with a very tearful partner and an angry spoilt child. I do 'get it' I am not unsympathetic to how she feels but I hoped being nearly 20 now she would try to view things from our side. She lives up North now anyway. It has been left that he will see his children boxing day morning on his own and join us for our usual buffet and games later in the day, I know this is going to cause upset on the day as I feel for him and I am very hurt myself. I only buried my father last week I do not need this stress and neither does he. I cannot see a way forward.
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Step-parenting
Need advice - step children causing me so much upset.
108 replies
oldgoatlep · 17/12/2019 05:20
OP posts:
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