OH lived at home with his parents before he moved in with me so all contact arrangements with DSS were organised for their house. He’s never had his own place but that’s another thread! DSS has a bedroom, clothes etc there. OH was having him one day a week (no overnights) up until the start of this year where it changed to EOW from Friday after school til Sunday evening. There are only 2 bedrooms in this house and we have only just about managed to save up for a 3 bed. Our child is a girl so it would be inappropriate for them to share a bedroom since DSS is 7. This means OH stays at his parents for this duration and I’m left alone heavily pregnant with an almost 4yo. He has never mentioned DSS having contact here or in our new home and I just presume everyone (DSS most importantly) is comfortable with the current arrangement.
I feel awful that we haven’t integrated DSS into our home. I can only just about afford to rent a 3 bed for when the new baby comes so he will never have his own bedroom with us. I personally never had my own bedroom at my dad‘s house where he lived with my step mother, I just slept in the spare room. It did upset me when I was young. He could have bedroom no. 3 until baby needs to be in their own room but then I don’t want to take that away from him once it happens. He will have to sleep on a camp bed if he does stay over and that makes me feel like such a bad person. However, OH isn’t paying anything towards the deposit and rent so from a financial perspective it is my house. But obviously it his home as he spends most of his time here so it should be DSS’s too. It’s very complicated and the main issue is space. He will always have his bedroom at his grandparents so it’s not like he hasn’t got his own space when he has contact. Ohh the sweet little thing I just want to do what’s right by him. OH needs a better earning job so we can afford a bigger house!
Are there any temporary solutions for now? I can’t cope with OH being at work 5 days a week then away from home EOW. Our DD suffers and he won’t be able to bond with new baby properly either. OH has no contact with DSS’s mum and hasn’t for many years since she is quite toxic (refused contact for first 2 years of his life then has been known to withdraw contact if CS isn’t paid etc.). All contact is done through the grandparents. Maybe his mum would be more comfortable with contact remaining as it is because she would have to speak to me and OH if he came to our house? I just want him to DSS to feel included
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24 replies
StripeyMess · 05/12/2019 18:52
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