Step Parenting | Mumsnet

Character120 · 2019-12-04 06:36:40

I’ve been wide awake for a few hours now feeling lots of different emotions. I tend to write on here when I’m upset. I’ve been a step parent for three years now to a little girl who’s mum is a well known actress. I’ve mentioned her occupation because she’s well paid and as you can imagine is all about herself (a complete narcissist). We share her daughter 50% of the time and as a step mum coming into this situation I believed my job would be to support the rules of mum and dad and generally be a lending hand. What I’ve found over the years is that her mum DOES’NT want to do anything for her two girls. She loves my stepdaughter very much but seems to believe that shaping a little human being simply happens by love and magic whilst everyone else runs around doing the upbringing whilst completely unaware of the situation. If we attempt to raise concerns she plays the victim- very well. In the last three years I have guided my partner and together we have taught my step daughter how to eat a balanced diet, the importance of education, reading/homework, the importance of hygiene, how to tidy up after herself, a structured bedtime, generally every single basic and then the fun parts, extra curricular etc. None of these efforts have come from her mum, in fact every step of the way I’ve had to say to my step daughter makesure your mum does this at home and eventually it happens. Now the reading book gets read, homework done etc etc I feel like a complete mug. My partner is very supportive, we have quietly split up a few times over the situation but managed to talk through it without displacing the family unit. When we have pulled her up on these issues the response is always “I’m on a heavy storyline,” however this never seems to get in the way of her gym time which she continually drags my SD to and constant facials and of course going out. In the three years I’ve been in this situation her mum hasn’t once taken her on any planned outing, not the cinema, the park, not for a country stroll, the theatre and heaven forbid even contemplating a holiday. The point is, my partner and I who earn much less, are left organising and paying for everything in order to give her a childhood and keep her brain ticking over. Her mum is so deluded to the whole situation because she loves her. We once brought up the fact that her house wasn’t in a fit state, ie mould on the ceilings, cat litter everywhere, no sheet on the bed so instead of handling the situation she sold a story to a few online papers, managing to gather a few nice images on how she lived in a sprawling mansion, perfect to raise two young girls. I feel like I’m dealing with someone mentally unstable. We don’t do any co parenting at all now, we have nothing to do with each other’s lives but I still feel annoyed that it’s me the SD comes to for a t shirt for the school nativity or new bras or if her friend can come over and she’ll quite happily settle for a simple hug from mummy. I’ve tried separating the weeks in my mind, I’ll do everything I can for her when here but when it’s been made clear that again she’s done nothing all week at her other home it really annoys me. I know her mum knows she’s been busy so doesn’t feel the need to do it herself.

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