I actually just need to vent

[user1470378104]

Obviously I'm a step mum or I'd be perfectly comfortable venting about general life and parenting stresses to the mums at the school gate instead of anonymously online.

My DSD is perfect for a ten year old girl in the still gets stroppy, tests boundaries and is starting to figure out if her parents don't really like each other she can play them kind of way.

We share custody 50:50 and I bend my work schedule to fit this, I parent her from afar when her mother can't or won't discipline because she has a mentally unwell (ok no that's bs I'm anonymous here; she's not mentally unwell she is the product of a dope smoking 15 year old mum whose parents behaved as if they were apologizing for her getting pregnant ever since the first time, this woman told her oldest at 13 years old that her parents had told her she needed to get an abortion and she should have listened, the child is now being carted into relationship number 3 where another baby was promptly had and ignored when she isn't needed as a babysitter and having public community posts about her by her mother on Facebook about are there any adults who will hang out with my kid to fix her self esteem because I generally don't like hanging out with her) and a just under 1 year old, not that I find either of these things reasons to not parent.

Last night we get a call for the second night running in tears around 20 past nine at night (my DSD is a psycho without perfect sleep habits) saying sorry daddy, mummy promptly gets on the phone saying DSD can't sleep because she's upset that daddy smokes (5 cigarettes a week on the weeks we dont have her at work) and that she's in tears because all of her clothes smell like cigarettes... I really dont care about the dramatic lies I was a c××t for the first 18 months I knew what I was in for. Come at me lady but you come at me without the child as a god damned prop, you ring me telling me she can't sleep because her dad smokes and your solution was to rile her up more and call her dad not to soothe her put her to sleep and deal with it at an appropriate time for the child.

I'm actually wild, I am furious with everyone! My DH isn't perfect either, when DSD tells us about mummy being keto this week and on a juice cleanse next time and she takes these pills he tends to pass his opinion outloud which I really dont agree with doing because she shouldn't know her mums a dickhead and her dad enjoys that fact too much to hide from her that her mum is in fact a dickhead. She's not abusive, neglectful at a push it's not about that its about bringing more children than you can provide a GOOD life to not just life. The last childs father is from abroad and holds a working Visa but has no defined path to residency, how the hell does going to a fertility clinic to make a baby with someone you aren't married to, who isn't even allowed to live here forever when you have two other children legally tethering you here and every time visa reapplication time rules around you float the idea with a 10 year old that you may all have to move overseas.

Yes I know a whole lotta mums are about to tear me apart because I have no right to judge... I'm not the childs mother and a whole lot of self sanctifying crap. My priority is for my step daughter to have an amazing relationship with her mum because that is how she sets the bar for herself and I am constantly shading mums behaviour into less poisonous crap. I'm not angry at her I'm angry at all of them there is this wonderful little brat right there and all of them are letting her be party to their adult dislike for a sexual partner they bumped up at the first fumble and then married, this is the origin story she is forming, this is what she learning about how HER people behave. Rant done thanks to those who read and just keep walking this isn't an AITA thing.

[PennysPocket]

Christ you sound no better than the rest of the adults

This reads like a bot.

[GertrudeCB]

Vent away, the situation sounds shit.

[TrussBuss]

I think you’re completely right here, and are making practical suggestions on how to handle DSD. Once you’ve fully vented, and taken a bit of time to cool down, what’s important is that you put these points to DH about how he should handle things with his lunatic ex.

[SD1978]

Sorry your step daughters mum had a baby at 15 or her mother did? You all sound as bad as each other. Her father is talking shit about her mum, mum is winding her up about her dad. And you're jumping in and screeching at her also. You all need to sort yourselves out and stop putting a kid in the middle of your pathetic attempts to antogonise each other.

[user1470378104]

I knew it would blow up so let me explain I dont screech at anyone I'm anonymously on the internet venting because I dont put my two cents in to either of them because even if I am the person everyone calls to fix stuff at the end of the day like y'all to these people I have no right because I'm not a parent so I shut my mouth and just support DSD to love her parents and to know that even adults aren't perfect. Like all of you who didnt read the 17 time in that I wrote that I don't say nothing to nobody i just juggle fixing it so one of the greatest things in my life doesnt take any knocks from it

[user1470378104]

Gertrude, truss... thank you. I've just spent the 20 minute drive home with both me and DSD crying because mummy said all her clothes smell like smoke (daddy smokes at work during the day) and then started asking about if the house smells like smoke and then mummy and big sister talked to her about how she doesnt have to come and right after she tells me that part (yes I am taking this all with a grain of salt because very rarely does the unadulterated truth come from the mouth of babes) she says I want to stay with you all the time and seething mad that there is even a grain of truth to this crap I tell this sweet innocent ball if perfectness no you dont babe, you love mummy and DSD and your sister and your baby brother and list all the fun nice things I can remember her telling me she does with mummy.

To those lovely women who watched too much disney and assume the stepmother must be a monster... this woman overrode the rules in my house and had my step daughter sneak a tablet from our house to hers so she could download WhatsApp and talk to her friends because she's only allowed to use the WhatsApp on my tablet to talk to mummy, sister and grandparents (I dont use whatsapp so it's all her stuff but yes you're damn right I or her father should have access to who she is talking to I don't give a damn what she says to her family as long as its them she is talking to), she called me a cnt for the first 18 months without us ever having spoken because it turns out she saw me once get out of DH's car at the supermarket and thought I was 10 years younger than him, if I ground my step daughter for lying or massive rule breaking she plans sleepovers for my SD on the weekend she's grounded and everytime I let her have the way because she is the mother.

When I pick my SD up I take around an extra hot decaf rice milk latte and let her vent about how hard life is being a stay at home mum and taking shots at my DH because she had to go back to work after a year with my SD because of their financial position, I let her take shots at our parenting, our lifestyle, we almost let her bully us into paying to take her eldest abroad with us for 3 months because otherwise it was unfair for my SD to go (the eldest has been out of the country multiple times with her father hes 'just not interested right now') until I found the slightest semblance of a back bone and said no I was not taking a self harming child abroad with no legal guardian especially after she started manipulating my SD to try and get us to alter our entire trip and telling SD she was harming herself when we wouldnt change our plans and spend an extra €2800 to go to these extra countries.

You know what angry mums I am a god damn saint! I dont call anyone out, I just teach SD cognitive behavioural therapy so she can unfck herself and not start self harming, not start feeling mummy had another family because she wasn't enough, not realise her mum is a dick before she can mentally accept it and be like cool people have flaws but she's my mum and I love her.

I make up for every broken promise that woman makes, I don't argue a single penny I pay for both households so my daughters standard of living doesnt change as much between them as it would otherwise because her mother believes she shouldn't have to work until her latest is 3, I take time off work to attend assemblies, prize giving, athletics days and sports games, I am keeping classic car which is surplus so in 6 years time I can give it to her when she passes her license... so please ladies step aside while I throw myself a little parade of awesome confetti.

[PennysPocket]

I stand by my first post.
FYI I am a SM have been for 17 years.

[Windygate]

Why are you just blaming the mother? The father sounds useless and has palmed the grudge work of parenting off to you.

Your over involved and judgemental.

[FraglesRock]

All of your posts read very oddly, what's with the detailed info on the coffee you unnecessarily take round.
Step away.

[LouDogLover]

The only thing I want to know is who is getting the extra hot decaf rice milk latte?