Christmas with in-laws - arggghh

(74 Posts)
Italianshark Wed 23-Oct-19 11:37:54

So there's me, my DP, my DSS & my DD who is 1. DSS is 6, and each year I've felt vomit in my mouth watching my partners parents (who aren't together) ask my DSS what he wants for Christmas, last year he went to my MILs and ran the tree shook it 'this is my sonic costume' etc. No surprise. No fault of his bless him, just grand parents who want that sense of 'I got you that' rewarding feeling, which I understand.

This year DSS mum calls us 'we need to do something he's just turned round and said 'Santa doesn't buy me presents you lot do' so we're upset he's starting to lose the magic. We're sticking to Christmas lists, posting them, others asking us for ideas from the list and then when they give them his presents saying 'I asked Father Christmas to bring it to you' rather than 'Nanny bought you that' lol.

It's long winded but we're trying to keep the magic alive. My DP sent out a text. This weekend

MIL - 'ooo I was gonna day you could go and get something from upstairs for me then but all your Christmas presents I BROUGHT you are upstairs'

FIL wife 'come show me what you want me and grandad to get you for Christmas'.

I'm like.... wtf? This isn't how it's meant to be. Us, DSS mother and her family are all trying and they're just so desperate for recognition of buying it that they're ruining it for him!! Also, my DD doesn't know better yet but next year I will kick off more because it affects her but I feel so protective of saving the magic for him, I don't know how to get it across without making it too much of a big deal!

I'm kinda just venting, kinda looking for advice, I'm just fed up of looking like the one who's trying to boss people about 😂! My DP is like 'well I've told them, so not much else I can do'

OP’s posts: |
dementedpixie Wed 23-Oct-19 11:42:35

Are you seriously saying they have to say their presents are from Santa? If so, then you are unreasonable. You can give presents from Santa if you wish but presents from other people are from that person, not Santa

Disfordarkchocolate Wed 23-Oct-19 11:45:06

We had Santa and presents from other people. What I sincerely wish we had done is have the stocking fillers from Santa and the rest from people.

FredaFrogspawn Wed 23-Oct-19 11:45:15

Oh god this is not a real problem. Let their gifts be from them. Yours can be from Santa.

Doyoumind Wed 23-Oct-19 11:46:06

There have been lots of these kinds of threads over the years and the general consensus, and the way we work it is that Santa brings some presents. Parents and family also give some presents. Not everything can be from Santa. It makes it unfair on everyone.

PinkCrayon Wed 23-Oct-19 11:46:16

I don't know anyone who pretends gifts from grandparents are from santa..

Youseethethingis Wed 23-Oct-19 11:50:11

TBH I’d be pissed if I gave a child gifts and didn’t get a “thank you” because a child was being told that EVERYTHING comes from Santa. Maybe that’s what the in-laws are feeling? Is it really a bad thing for a child to know who buys him gifts?
Doesn’t in any way mean Santa doesn’t still have his place bringing the stocking or sack or whatever you do.


BertrandRussell Wed 23-Oct-19 11:50:11

Are you saying that all presents are from FC? That’s just bonkers. How do you explain the presents the children make/buy for other people?

AudacityOfHope Wed 23-Oct-19 11:50:36

Nobody pretends that gifts from extended family are from Santa confused

Vomit in your mouth? Really?

Pixiefalls Wed 23-Oct-19 11:53:29

Are the gifts from the grandparents generally bigger/more expensive?

timeisnotaline Wed 23-Oct-19 11:56:04

Can’t see anything that might be vomit inducing. The question for most families is do parents and Santa give gifts or just Santa. I don’t know a single soul whose children don’t get separate presents from grandparents.

Aquamarine1029 Wed 23-Oct-19 11:56:43

Sorry, but this is batshit.

Morgan12 Wed 23-Oct-19 11:58:22

Think you may be over reacting just a tad eh?

OlderthenYoungerNow Wed 23-Oct-19 12:01:04

Agree with everyone else. A stocking from santa, and presents from family is the usual way and avoids all this shit too.

Sammy867 Wed 23-Oct-19 12:01:21

We have one present from Santa that isn’t wrapped and sits beside the chimney and everything else is from who got it. She knows that she asks Santa for that one present. Last year it was a colouring book, this year she’s not decided yet but she’s grateful for anything she gets.

How do you explain to a child that a child down the street got nothing at all or one present and they got mountains of presents? As well as if you ever see any movies with Santa in they always give one present per person so I don’t understand where this notion came from that all presents are from Santa.

Clangus00 Wed 23-Oct-19 12:05:10

No, Santa leaves you presents at your house. Everything from other people is from other people....not Santa.

GrumpyHoonMain Wed 23-Oct-19 12:05:29

Santa presents should be in a parent’s home. I usually put down just one wrapped in different paper and with big giant santa footprints next to it. Other people’s gifts should be attributed to them.

billandbenflowerpotmen1 Wed 23-Oct-19 12:08:37

Father Christmas brings the presents the child receives at his / her own home. These include all the gifts the parents have bought. Gifts from friend and Grandparents are just that, gifts from them

aSofaNearYou Wed 23-Oct-19 12:09:05

Ugh I'm on your PILs side of the fence here. I get "vomit in my mouth" seeing how rude and ungrateful my SS and BILs son are with their presents at Christmas, which is in no small part because they're all from Santa so why should they be grateful? I have resorted to just not watching them open them at this point. Nothing wrong with some things being from Santa but it's not teaching them anything good for several people to spend 100s of pounds on them and they have no idea that has happened.

If your SS ran in and shook the tree saying where's my x, then it sounds like there's already a bit of that going on, so I would say it is a very positive thing for him to start getting used to having manners around receiving gifts.

BlueOooChristmas Wed 23-Oct-19 12:12:42

I'm not sure I understand, why should the presents they buy for your children be from Santa, isn't that for you and your husband to sort out? In our house everyone buys for each other (I even get the kids to buy for each other and they're only 4 and 7!). Then Santa adds some presents and brings a stocking for everyone. They completely believe and it's magical. I think you're over complicating it.

Atalune Wed 23-Oct-19 12:12:58

Your post is pretty incomprehensible. But.....

Grandparents buy and give gifts from them.

YOU buy and give gifts from Father Christmas.

Your son needs some help on the etiquette on receiving gifts.

ThreeLittleDots Wed 23-Oct-19 12:16:16

Father Christmas's presents are ONLY in the stocking. Everything else is clearly labelled to the receiver from the giver.

Jamzvtho Wed 23-Oct-19 12:16:47

FC brings the santa sack in our house, any presents in there are from him. The ones under the tree are from me and DP and other family.

ThreeLittleDots Wed 23-Oct-19 12:18:35

they're all from Santa so why should they be grateful?

Exactly - being thankful for what the actual people in their life have thoughtfully gifted them is much better - and to be able to say thank you in return!

Soon2BeMumof3 Wed 23-Oct-19 12:19:08

Wow. I'd love to read the thread they could write about you.

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