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dh not seen daughter for 5/6 years!!

(3 Posts)
bitchyfanny Wed 15-Aug-07 14:50:49

im really at the end of my tether, we have been married for 3 years, together for 7, i have 4 kids ranging from 11- 19, dh took the younger 2 on as hes own. anyway at the time when we 1st met, i made his daughter welcome, she was 12, now she always wanted to see her dad for money, and he always gave it to her, one day i said to him tell her you havent got any money spare, she didnt want to know him, there was a big issue over csa, her mum was telling her her dad wasnt paying any, so we sent his daughter a statement to prove he was paying, nearly 100 quid a week, still this backfired and his daughter wasnt very happy and she still believed her mum. when it was time for daughter to leave school, they told csa she was staying at school, when we knew for a fact she was working, after 3 years of saying she was at college the csa finally found out she was getting the money fraudulently, and had to pay it back. now i would say it is my fault my dh doesnt see his daughter, im scared, scared of his ex family, scared he will get hurt by them, im a very quiet person and i cant deal with hassle, every day i think of his daughter and feel guilty to the pit of my stomach, i would never hold him back from doing what he wants to, so why am i like this, i hate myself and know its all my fault, i just cant bring myself to say her name and "let" him see her, im really not horrible, i think he will run off with his daughter, i feel jealousy like shes the other woman. i hope someone can set me straight on this, many thanks.

HonoriaGlossop Wed 15-Aug-07 15:34:15

poor kid. Whether any money was or was not being paid should have had absolutely nothing to do with her and should not have had any bearing on her having contact with her dad. This is not just you, ALL the adults involved needed to protect her from those adult issues. Of course she believed her mum - she was a child.

Why do you feel so guilty? Do you think your DH has no contact with her to please you?

Why do you feel so threatened by his daughter? I think you need to remind yourself that she is his daughter and no threat to your relationship with your DH, how could she be? she's still young and you need to remind yourself that far from being an 'other woman' she is a vulnerable young woman who needs to know her father is there for her. Think about your own children - would you want them to have their dad's love and attention when they're 18 or 19? Of course you would. His first daughter is no different.

JustBreathexoxo Wed 05-Sep-07 00:40:47

First off thats pretty brave of you to admit feeling this way and at least you understand and can acknowledge exactly what your feeling.Im still working on why I feel jelous myself sometimes of lil miss 6 and it took me even longer to realise that it was jelousy I was feeling.

As for your situation it is always sad when children get caught up in adult issues but why do you feel its your fault dh does not see his daughter?
If your that upset about it encourage dh to make contact simple phone calls to let her know he is still here.Don't feel insecure if dh see's you taking positive steps to encourage his relationship with sd why then would he feel inclined to leave you?
If he feels your supportive of his relationship with his daughter he would not feel like there was a choice to be made between the 2 of you.
Talk to him about your fears of ex's family and also your support of his relationship with his girl if he ever did decide to leave it would not be because of the kids.

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