Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

1 2 3

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Step-parenting

Fed up

57 replies

Iamnotagoddess · 05/10/2019 16:07

I am just having an anonymous moan - I have no one to moan to in RL today.

So fed up of being expected to be involved in everything when DSDs are here but getting my head bitten off for having an opinion.

For example. I do all the cooking, have planned meals for the weekend we have just been swimming but the girls didn’t want lunch first (they had a late breakfast at about 11am) so I suggest we get a snack.

He goes to Greg’s and gets them a fucking huge baguette each.

They are not going to want to eat again at bloody 6/7pm - so I express my perplexity and he has a huge go at me, in front of the kids.

OP posts:

Report

Iamnotagoddess · 05/10/2019 16:08

It was 4ish when he got the baguettes.

OP posts:

swingofthings · 05/10/2019 17:06

Stop cooking. Why are you doing it?

Iamnotagoddess · 05/10/2019 17:10

Because he’s useless.

He has never had to cook for himself (lives on base) and cooking for a large number of people is a no no. He never does enough, he doesn’t time it right.

OP posts:

Windydaysuponus · 05/10/2019 17:12

Stop enabling him to be a lazy twat.
End of.

converseandjeans · 05/10/2019 17:28

Just chill out. They can just have snacks later. Why are you so involved in meals? If they had breakfast at 11 then obviously they won't want lunch at 12/1pm?

Aquamarine1029 · 05/10/2019 17:35

Because he’s useless.

You're allowing him to be useless. They are his children, he can deal with them. I wouldn't be doing a single fucking thing, and I would also do something on my own away from the house. If he isn't grateful for your help, he can sod off.

SalamanderOnHoliday · 05/10/2019 17:38

Yep, his kids, his problem. Step away.

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 05/10/2019 17:39

I don't see the issue with them having a baguette and then food later you having ago actually was undermining his parenting choice not the other way round especially infront of the girls. Often or not kids are starving after swimming and they had not eaten since 11.

QueenAnneBoleyn · 05/10/2019 17:40

OP you need to pour yourself a glass of something, detach from them and chill out, or better yet get away from the house.
Let him get on with parenting his own kids. It’s really not worth the stress. Took me a few years to learn this lesson but learn it I have.

Tyersal · 05/10/2019 17:42

@chaos if op had already planned meals she wasn't undermining at all she was entitled to be put out that her effort was being ignored. That said op I would stop bothering just detach and plan your own things for the time his kids are there

Windydaysuponus · 05/10/2019 17:50

The only way he will appreciate all you do is not to do it...

Iamnotagoddess · 05/10/2019 17:50

It’s hard because he is only here weekends.

Tbf I plan meals and I cook (I used to be a cook). I have my son and my older kids here too sometimes. We have always put quite a lot of importance in family meals.

He annoys me because he sometimes has no clue about kids because he hasn’t bought any of his kids up and anyone knows if you give a child a large filled baguette at 4pm they are not young to want dinner with everyone else 2/3 hours later.

OP posts:

Iamnotagoddess · 05/10/2019 17:51

*going

OP posts:

Iamnotagoddess · 05/10/2019 17:52

And I don’t want to be cooking at 8/9 pm I want to chill out with a glass of wine.

OP posts:

Tyersal · 05/10/2019 18:08

Seriously op just take a back seat and let him do his parenting if things don't get done so be it you are not a doormat or their cook

Aquamarine1029 · 05/10/2019 18:11

And I don’t want to be cooking at 8/9 pm I want to chill out with a glass of wine.

Good grief, op. If HIS children are hungry at 8 or 9pm, HE can feed them. This really isn't complicated.

Iamnotagoddess · 05/10/2019 18:12

As I said, we always eat together as a family.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 05/10/2019 18:15

As I said, we always eat together as a family.

Sometimes that isn't possible or practical. The world will not stop spinning if you don't eat together for every dinner.

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 05/10/2019 18:15

Tbf those kids waited till 11 to have breakfast and was expected to wait longer for tea inbetween that time having nothing I dont think that's adequate.

holidays987 · 05/10/2019 18:15

So instead of suggesting a big meal, save your time and energy. Something very simple will be fine. Pasta and a jar of sauce. 10 mins done. Even he can manage that.

It seems reasonable that they had sandwiches after swimming as they probably came out very hungry. Meals being planned and stuck to rigidly is OTT and unnecessary. Sometimes casual dinners are the best!

Iamnotagoddess · 05/10/2019 18:25

They didn’t “wait” that’s when they got up.

They were offered lunch 1.5 hours before swimming but declined.

OP posts:

Iamnotagoddess · 05/10/2019 18:26

Meal planning is essential when you have a big family.

OP posts:

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

user1493413286 · 05/10/2019 18:27

I’d be annoyed at him having a go in front of the children; me and DH often disagree with stuff with DSD and DD but I always feel strongly that we don’t contradict each other in front of the kids.
I also know the feeling of doing the grunt work and not being involved in bigger decisions. I would say I push back much more now though and expect DH to step up.

Beamur · 05/10/2019 18:27

Just cook the meal as planned and ask them how much they want.
Not worth stressing over.

Iamnotagoddess · 05/10/2019 18:29

Then here them have a hot chocolate made with milk when we got home.

I would have given them that after tea.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.