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Step-parenting

Bedrooms advice please

37 replies

Tyersal · 20/09/2019 09:42

I appreciate this might not be the best place to get unbiased advice and I might get shot down but just wondering what others thoughts are on this or if anyone has been in a similar situation and found a solution.

In brief OH and I currently live in a 2 bed detached house, we have a v small mortgage with only 10 years left on it. Our bedrooms are 2 good sized doubles and currently his kids share the second room, they are boy and girl, 3 and 7 and stay with us one weekend night every week.

Last year we put the house up for sale but with no success, lots of viewing but the lack of a driveway put people off and the housing market is currently very slow in our area so we paid a lump sum off the mortgage and decide to wait a year. OH is now talking about putting the house up for sale again next year as he wants 3 bedrooms for his kids to have a room each, he also wants those rooms to be of equal size. I am not against the idea but we both agree that we don’t want to move from a detached house (OH plays piano and guitar and I am up v early for work) and anything 3 bed fitting our criteria will mean more than doubling our current mortgage and adding 5 years to the term, this will mean we will be paying a further £250-300 a month in mortgage payments plus extra council tax heating etc (it will also mean more cleaning for me as OH does bugger all around the house but that is a whole other thread!)

I am concerned it is a lot of extra outgoing money each month in order to have a driveway and the kids to have a room each when the rooms are only used for 10 hours a week and the rest of the time will be sat empty. I have suggested that instead the kids room could be divided somehow with screens or panels (I haven’t looked into the options in detail yet but know they exist). OH isn’t too sure about this and it is only an idea at this stage anyway I just wondered if anyone had managed this successfully?

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Windydaysuponus · 20/09/2019 09:47

10 hours? Not worth changing bedding never mind sleeping quarters...

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pazwaz70 · 20/09/2019 09:50

What about a loft conversion? I agree with you, I wouldn't want the upheaval & cost moving.

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Tyersal · 20/09/2019 09:54

Sadly we don't have a loft, we did think of a downstairs extension but it would mean losing the conservatory where our dining table is

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Grobagsforever · 20/09/2019 10:08

Would he get more contact hours if you had more space?

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Tyersal · 20/09/2019 10:15

@grobagsforever no

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Youseethethingis · 20/09/2019 10:15

I think I’d be asking if he has any plans to increase contact with the kids. As you say, 10 hours a week is not enough to justify the huge expense. Although it will be more awkward for the kids to share by the time to teenage years are looking, even is only for one night a week. Are there plans for you to have children together at some point?
In terms of practical experience, I have none directly but my mum and her brother successfully shared a double room full time until adulthood thanks to a stud wall being put up. This was taken down when mum moved out and became my grandparents bedroom, being a slightly bigger double than the other bedroom. For one night a week, I’m sure your step children would be fine with something like this Smile

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Tyersal · 20/09/2019 10:20

Sorry think I was unclear he has them for around 24 hours a week it's just the bedrooms are only used for 10 hours

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TumboDinks · 20/09/2019 10:21

I wouldn't want the hassle or expense. Do you have a room downstairs where you could have a sofa bed and drawer space for clothes if you want them separate. We have four bedrooms and four kids. The two that live here permanently have the biggest rooms. The other two only stay every other weekend and for holidays if we don't go away, one has the box room the other has a sofa bed in the dining room, the door can be shut and is not a walk through, we try to eat out to avoid using the dining table, but doesn't cause a hassle when we do need to . It works for us and no-one is unhappy.

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BitchyArriver · 20/09/2019 10:22

I kind of see where your husband is coming from. If you can afford it the kids should have their own rooms. They may want to stay over more when they’re older and it is their home.

And even if it’s a stretch, you will still have a 3 bedroom detached home at the end, which you can sell and downsize from later. It’s not like your spending the extra £300 on gin and sweets! Grin

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BitchyArriver · 20/09/2019 10:28

Sorry you’re

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Anuta77 · 20/09/2019 16:05

I think that the kids are too young to absolutely NEED separate rooms. I have an almost 12 year old SD who comes EOW (so 4 nights per months) and 2 SS (16 and 19) who come rarely. Well, when one of the SS is here at the same time as the SD, they even share the room. It's really not a big deal for such little time and especially for little kids.
When they grow up, you can reassess.

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pikapikachu · 20/09/2019 16:38

There will come a day when both kids could do with their own rooms but it's not now imo. Until then I understand that it's a "waste" to have such a big house. In 2-3 years when child 1 is about to go to secondary is a better time imo.

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muddledmidget · 20/09/2019 16:47

Have a look at bunk bed room dividers on Pinterest as an option for dividing a double room in two. Would be much cheaper than moving house and uses the space better than just putting in a stud wall

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ahughes20 · 20/09/2019 17:23

My exp had 2 DC - dd15 and ds11. They both shared a room up until last year on the 2 nights a week they were at ours. No problems whatsoever (we had to actually convince them to take separate bedrooms when we moved to a bigger place). I think they enjoyed those 2 nights a week they could natter away to each other before bed.

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SandyY2K · 20/09/2019 17:59

It's better to buy now before house prices rise and you both get older, which can affect your borrowing.

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swingofthings · 20/09/2019 18:05

At the moment, it isn't really an issue, but it will be when they are teenagers. It does seem pointless to move before they get to the point that sharing is such that they could potentially start refusing to come overnight.

After that though I agree with him. I don't get though how going just one bedroom would add over £250 a month, unless you are also looking at extras you currently don't have like a driveway.

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Chitarra · 20/09/2019 18:10

It's fine for the kids to keep sharing for the moment. My mixed sex DC shared a room until they were 10 and 12, and that was every night not just once a week!

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HeckyPeck · 20/09/2019 18:19

Have a look at bunk bed room dividers on Pinterest as an option for dividing a double room in two. Would be much cheaper than moving house and uses the space better than just putting in a stud wall

I agree. If this is possible it’s a much better idea that doubling your mortgage! Who knows what interest rates are going to be like soon.

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HeckyPeck · 20/09/2019 18:21

it will also mean more cleaning for me as OH does bugger all around the house but that is a whole other thread!

I might say if he can spend 6 months doing half the housework then I’d look at buying a bigger house..knowing he’d never do it.

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Tyersal · 20/09/2019 19:56

Thank you for the bunk bed suggestion will have a Google

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readitandwept · 20/09/2019 21:15

Why doesn't he have his kids more?

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EggysMom · 20/09/2019 21:35

Can I just say, I've now googled the bunkbed room divider and it looks like an absolutely fantastic idea! I now wish I had a two-child problem!

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Tyersal · 21/09/2019 14:53

@eggysmom they look brilliant don't they

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muddledmidget · 21/09/2019 15:15

@Tyersal I'm glad you like them, I had to share with my sister growing up and once I'd seen those always wished we'd had a set!

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Witchydearest · 24/09/2019 17:46

Not the room thing again. Y do people always think SC should have their own rooms! It’s such a waste of money.

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