Name changed as could identify due to previous threads
My DSD (5) has been making some concerning remarks to myself, her dad and the school surrounding her home like when with Mum.
We pick up DSD from her mums Monday to Friday between 6:45am/7am whereby getting her ready including homework, book read, reading word challenges all fall onto us to do in the 40 minutes we have before we need to leave for school - we live 7 miles from the school which is 1/2 mile from her mums.
Due to comments about DSD waking up and mum not being there, school have initiated a safe guarding process and recommended OH call SS to report what had also been said to us which he did early last week.
From Wednesday morning last week we had tears in the car but when asked what’s wrong, it was she missed us. At school when I dropped her off, she wouldn’t leave me and we had a hug until the teacher came over to sway her in. DSD made several comments when this happened including the school rang mum about one of the allegations and mum was lying & shouted at her for telling the truth.
Thursday morning she was upset and said she asked for a shower on Wednesday after school and was told no, wait til you go to your dads. This meant by the time she had a bath at ours Friday, she hadn’t a wash since the Sunday - in the mornings I wash her face etc but 40 minutes to do everything let alone a shower will be cutting time fine.
Friday, she sat on the sofa for our usual film evening after dinner and stated she didn’t want to leave. She wants to stay here permanently and even planned out that she could do dinner at her mums Tuesday and Thursdays but adamant to come back home to sleep. She wants Saturday to Sunday every other weekend with her mum and not Friday to Monday (which is the current arrangement we have) Her dads said it’s a big thing for someone so young to say so he will work out how best we go about making it happen.
Last night before bed she asked had we made it happen yet. We confirmed no, we’ve not spoken to mum but it won’t happen right away. She got very upset and stated she wanted it to happen now. This morning, she was clingy and pretended she had a cough in the hope she would be kept off school with me and I presume she thought she would be able to stay again tonight and not go back to her mum. As soon as we pointed out she’s not coughed once this morning or weekend she done a fake cough... it was cute/funny but it’s also got my alarm bells ringing into why is she going to the lengths of being ‘poorly’ when she isn’t.
Thing is her mum. Her mum has already lied to the school about leaving in the night and DSD has given SS and school a detailed account of where her mum went, what she was wearing when she came home etc. Whenever we try to discuss DSD welfare or let her mum know about something (I.e. she ended up in hospital one night due to high temp and stomach pains) we got met with abuse followed by the ask to review the current level of maintenance. Despite CMS saying what we pay is adequate given it’s technically shared care and she shouldn’t be getting any money, she stated she would be considering reducing contact then.
How best do we go with approaching this and making DSD wishes happen? We don’t have zillions so solicitors ideally are last resort given her mum will drag out the process, ignore letters and we will be footing a higher bill. I’m conscious of asking her to tell school, Nan etc as this could then be see as coaching her I suppose? And if she told her mum, well she’s already shouted at her for telling the truth goodness knows where this will go.
Sorry, I’m just so lost and want to stop DSD becoming so upset
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.
Step-parenting
DSD and her wishes...
11 replies
Stuckinthemiddleagain · 16/09/2019 13:56
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.